Wednesday, May 30, 2012


I have soooo much to do before I move in 2 DAYS. Ahh!

I have to re-pack alllll of my stuff. Ugh.

I have a bunch of re-fashioning to complete.

And I'm going bridesmaid dress shopping this afternoon for my cousin's wedding...I'm the MOH - what what! :)

So it's a lot. But it's all good stuff...minus the packing.
Aren't there people I could hire to do all this for me?
If only I were rich.....

Saturday, May 26, 2012

some nights

I like pop music.
Not because of the great family-friendly messages that it brings, but because of the beat.
The beat gets me hooked and even super ridiculous songs like "Call Me Maybe" get stuck in my head for weeks.
But the best thing is when there's a catchy song out there that also has a couple good lines that really make you think.

For example:
Bonnie at Learning to be a Newlywed introduced me (and many others, I'm sure) to one of Fun.'s songs Some Nights. I freaking love this song.
ok, yeah...some of the lyrics aren't so great and/or don't make sense...

Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle 
Some nights I wish they'd just fall off


But then there's the main line:

Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?

And I love that.

I feel that this so perfectly describes our society today, myself included at times.
What do I stand for?
It's a good question to ask.
And I'm not answering it right now...maybe another time.
But think about it.

What do YOU stand for?

Friday, May 25, 2012

7 Quick Takes (4) - abbrev. version

I'm moving in one week.
ONE week!

my youngest brother Michael graduates from HS tomorrow!
he'll go on to attend UW-Whitewater in the fall...
go warhawks!

my feet are KILLING me.
more on that another time.

tomorrow night is also my old roommate K's bachelorette party.
in the city (Chicago).
and my feet hurt :/

I'm procrastinating hardcore right now.
I'm supposed to be cleaning my room so my grandma doesn't see how much of a slob I am when she comes for Mike's grad party...oops.

my fav cousin J's daughter is due on June 11th!
I'm hoping for something a little sooner than that! :)

I am getting really excited to move down to CU (Champaign-Urbana, duh)
my housing is all set up...going to be living with some FOCUS missionaries...baller!

check out Jen at Conversion Diary for better QTs

Thursday, May 24, 2012

learning from the smallest among us

You know that baby smell that makes your heart melt?
Or the smell that's left behind on your top after you've been snuggling with a baby?
Or the natural smell of a newborn baby?
and no, I'm not talking about poop!

I love that smell.

this is literally what the twins look like
I spend a couple hours in the baby room at a daycare on Monday and the second I walked in, I was overcome with that sweet, new-to-this-earth baby smell. So good. And on top of it, I got to cuddle with 2 of the cutest little girls ever. E is 10 months old...such a cutie pie and was the oldest in that room while S is 6 weeks old, tiny tiny tiny with the softest hair EVER. And then today, I babysat for my neighbor's twin girls...just shy of 2. So sweet. And hilarious!
And all this time with babies just really re-confirmed for me that the Lord is calling me to motherhood...I'm not gonna go all crazy and stalk some guy into marrying me, but I'm confident that when the time is right, He'll send my Mr. Right into my life. :) And I want babies. Lots of babies.

I know that tiny babes are a lot of work and I know that they're not all smiles and cuddly little angels. But they're perfectly made so that we can realize something so much bigger than ourselves. It is through the smallest and most helpless of our human race that we can understand more fully the love of our Father in Heaven.

If you think about it, at birth, all other species are relatively capable of surviving on their own.
Have you ever seen a giraffe birth? It's super sick, but 2 minutes after that little bugger falls 6 ft to the ground, he's running around just like his mom.
Even puppies, which are born seemingly helpless, can walk/crawl soon after birth.
And the same goes for all other species.
Yes, the newborns of all other animals may need some guidance from their mothers, but after a couple weeks, all species are able to survive on their own.

But God made humans differently, and for good reason.
At birth, human newborns cannot walk, feed themselves, warm themselves, or do anything else to ensure their survival. And for the first 18 or so years of a young human's life, he/she is dependent upon his/her parents to care for him/her. It's a loooong process. And then, even after these young humans are on their own and are able to care for themselves, they still (hopefully) go back to their parents for advice and companionship. The bond between parent and child is one that lasts.

And this is SO like the love and care that our Father gives us! He's there the whole time, nurturing and caring for us, even when we don't realize it (birth-1ish), when we are desperately holding onto Him (1-3), and even when we can't stand Him and don't want Him to tell us what to do (teenage years and on?).
But He's there. And He never leaves us. Just like any good parent.

How beautiful is it that we can learn all of this from such a tiny little being?

this post totally wrote itself and took a completely different turn than I intended, but I suppose maybe that's the Holy Spirit guiding me? 
...yeah...we're gonna go with that...

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

take a chill pill.

Everything is falling together...and so very quickly!

It's funny because I've said before that I laugh at myself...well, this has become more and more of a normal occurrence. This is probably because I've become increasingly insane as the days go on, especially when I'm under some sort of stress.

For example, I called and accepted the job at SFLI on Monday and then began to go into a crazy panic whilst searching for apartments in Champaign. Sure, it's important that I find a place to live but not only do I have a whole 2 weeks (not a whole lot of time, but enough) to find a place to live and I also have a couple of friends who are willing to let me crash with them for awhile if necessary!

So here I am, Monday (remember: the day that I am officially beginning to look for apts), freaking out about nothing. Literally. I mean, it's something...but it was less than 3 hrs since I accepted the I was flipping....why?

And so I laughed at myself. And I continue to laugh because here I am, 48 hrs later with a place secured from June until August and a couple potentials leads on places to live August on.

So yeah. I'm crazy.
But things are working's like this metaphorical cliff that I've been grasping onto suddenly let down a harness and while I'm still hanging off of the edge, I feel more secure in where I'm going and what I'm doing.

All good stuff.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I am...

...freaking out.
...SUPER blessed.
...trying not to worry.
...reminding myself that I'm crazy.
...laughing at myself.
...blessed to the extreme.

And here I am, wondering why.
Why am I worrying? Why am I stressing?
But more than anything, why am I the one who is so blessed?
Why have I been given so many wonderful opportunities?
Why have I been given so many do-overs?
Why me?

Not that I'm, definitely not complaining. Rather, just feeling very grateful and unworthy at the same time.

I mean, I am in a prime spot right now! I've been offered the experience on a lifetime, one that I am thrilled to be given! And while I'm so immensely grateful, I wonder why I am the one who gets these opportunities. I mean, there have to be other people out there who are more experienced, more capable, more educated...better suited for the life that I'm going to be leading.

But I guess maybe that's just one of God's great mysteries and gifts.
Like I've said to others before, God doesn't call the equip, He equips the called.
Maybe it's about time that I start listening to myself....

Monday, May 21, 2012


I am employed!!!!

I have been offered a position with Students for Life of Illinois, which is based out of Champaign, IL at The University of Illinois! I begin work in a couple of weeks and couldn't be more excited! AHHHH!!!!

But, of course, more than anything, I know how immensely blessed I am.

I mean, how many kids get offered their dream job 1 week after graduation?
How many kids get to work for a cause that ACTUALLY matters in the world without more than a Bachelor's?
How many kids can afford to move out of their parents' house after graduation?

Not many.
Not many.
And about 50%.

I'm not saying that this never happens, but as someone with a degree in PSYCHOLOGY, this kind of thing rarely happens. Very rarely.

So I know how blessed I am.

AND I'M SUPER EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

[insert happy dance here]

Friday, May 18, 2012

the waiting game

today is the day when I should hear back about the (dream) job down in Champaign and whether or not I got it....

and I'm freaking out.

every time the phone buzzes, I get all nervous and weird! ugh!

plus, my inner fear-of-making-big-decisions is starting to come out and as much as I just want to get the call, I'm also dreading it because it may mean that I have some tough decisions to make.

Lord, guide me.
Help me to have the courage to follow the plan that you have in store for me.
Give my parents the patience and grace to support me no matter what I decide to do.

ps I'm fully aware that these past few posts have been super cryptic...hopefully, someday I'll be able to clear everything up :)

I was offered the job in Champaign!!! WOOT! Most likely going to take it, but they have graciously given me the weekend to think and pray about it....really excited :)

7 Quick Takes (3)

This whole week has been a complete whirlwind...I graduated, moved out of an apartment in which I had been living for 2 years, drove to and from Champaign/Normal twice, had two interviews, etc. But wait, I need to leave something for the Quick Takes ;)

I GRADUATED! week ago...
it still feels very strange to think about that.

I celebrated!

 I freaking love my family, b-t-dubs.

Like, legit.

 They're the best

^ doing "The Margo Salute" ^

I moved home Saturday...and have been unpacking ever since...but not only unpacking, no. Also going through all of my worldly possessions and sorting out only the things that I want to keep...which is difficult because I seem to be somewhat of a pack-rat, and 22 years worth of pack-ratting adds up....which brings us to #4...

I'm a Catholic nerd. That's nothing new.
But I have this thing about journals and journal-ing...I've kept a diary of sorts ever since my first communion and I found ALLLLL of them while going through my stuff. Some (like my mother) may ask why I am continuing to keep all of these journals, and my answer is simple.
How do we know anything about the Saints?
Sure, personal testimonies from their relatives, but usually by the time someone is put through the canonization process, they've been dead for 20+ years...and my parents, siblings, friends, etc. won't be around at that point...and YES I DO plan on becoming a Saint thank you very much...soooo I keep a journal so that someday, when/if the Church is trying to make me a saint, they can see my struggles (and triumphs! there are some of those, too!) on a first-hand basis.

Speaking of Catholic nerdiness, maybe this is true for all devout Christians, but I have an extraordianarily large collection of religious books...I don't know if it's because of my hoarding nature or because I love having millions of books on a bookshelf or because I like having many references to back up Church teachings, but out of my entire book collection, Church/Mary-related books take up about 3/4 of the lot.

My little brother Tommy left for Berlin, Germany yesterday.

He'll be spending 13 weeks there doing research on air bubbles or something
(not really, but throughout the 3-hr explanation of his research, I zoned out a bit)
But, BERLIN! How awesome is that?! He is the first of us siblings to leave the country and while that's great and all, we'll miss him for sure.

I had 2 job interviews...on the same two different cities...3.5 hrs from one another.
They both went well, the first (a daycare) I'll be going back in on Monday to observe and see if I like the environment. The second (non-profit dream job) should get back to me TODAY about whether or not I got the we'll see! I'm sure that there will be updates here asap after I get the call...eek!

Lots of exciting things, but super scary and nerve-racking at the same time.
Prayers please :)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

comical aggravation

Have you ever had a moment when you're so aggravated that it's almost funny? Like, the reason why you're aggravated is so ridiculous that it's funny, but the thought of that fact makes the situation so much more aggravating? That's where I'm at. UGH.


I should be happy that I have options.
...that I'm not freaking out about not having a job.
...that I have TOO many options.

But nope, not me. I'm just aggravated.

All I want is for God to just tell me straightforward what it is that He wants. Like "here ya go, THIS is it." But no. Now I'M the one who might have to make decisions.

And the most aggravating part is that I KNOW what the right move is. But I'm too stubborn/cowardly to do it. Not a good combo.

I know this is all very vague but I swear, someday it will all make sense...bear with me.

And prayers would be nice too...

Tuesday, May 8, 2012


I miss my Grandpa so much sometimes it hurts.
I was only 8 when he died, but it hit me really hard even at such a young age...although I'm convinced that before you're in your teens or later, you can't really fully go through the grieving process.

me and Papa in MN

I don't know what it was specifically that made me so keenly aware of the fact that I hadn't fully grieved his death, but it started sometime around freshman year of college. And as time has gone on, I'm more and more aware of how much I really miss him. How much I really wish he was here. How much I desire to make him proud.

Lynch reunion :)

And I'm so sad that he won't be here to see me graduate. see me fall in love. see me get married. see me have children.

He won't meet my husband until we [hopefully] reunite in Heaven, and the same goes for my children. And that makes me so immensely sad. 

But I'm holding onto a tiny shred of hope that he's watching over me, praying for me, possibly even helping me along the way to get to where I need to be. He might even know where my husband is...I hope he's helping him be the best he can be. And the same goes for me...

I love him so much and I so wish that he was here so that I could give him a hug like I never gave him when he was alive.

I love you, Grandpa, and I cannot wait to see your smiling face and twinkling eyes once again.

P.S. did I mention that he took a movie star to her prom? 
Dolores Hart, such a natural beauty
yup, that's Elvis.
and that she was the first actress to kiss Elvis on screen?

and that she later became Mother Dolores? 

my Grandpa's such a stud!

Monday, May 7, 2012

letting go

I had my interview earlier today and I think it went pretty well, but it's hard to tell over the phone/skype conference call...but if I had to make a judgement call, I think it went least, the second half of it did.

For the first 20 minutes, I was trying realllllly hard to give good, educated answers but I was also super nervous and looking back I feel like my voice was somewhat tight and shaky at the same time (don't ask how that's just is!). But then (probably by the grace of God) my internet went out...right in the middle of me answering a question/the interviewer asking another question. AHH! I kind of freaked out and then was like "well, I suppose that maybe I'm NOT supposed to get this job..." however, the interviewer called my phone and we continued on...and once my internet was back to normal, we switched back...oiy!

While it was annoying and I was worried about how it would affect my interview, I think it really was the hand of God giving me a chance to calm-the-heck-down! because post-confusion I was more loose and natural in answering...I could tell a difference in my voice and I knew that I was being more me. Which is always a good thing....
.....maybe always is too strong of a word....

....point of the story is that I hung up feeling good...feeling that I did everything I could to make the best impression possible.

And then here comes Satan. How I strongly dislike that creature. He starts putting little worries and concerns in my head like 

"oh my gosh...I can't find ANY reasonably-priced apartments online! there's NO WAY I could even accept this job!"
"ahhh!!! the salary is not what I was expecting/what I have hoping for!!!"
"oh man. how am I going to pay off my loans in 1.5 yrs on a salary like that?!"

But the problem with worrying is that it proves that you distrust God and His goodness. 
If this job is meant to be mine, He'll help me find somewhere to live. 
If I'm meant to accept a job offer away from home, He'll take care of the money issues.
He ALREADY has a plan and knows how long it will take to pay off my loans as well as when/if I will go to grad school.

So what's the use in worrying? All it does is distract us from our Lord.

Pray for me please! I'm praying for you!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

strangely peaceful

My job interview is tomorrow....and while last night I was super stressed and really didn't know what to think, today I'm oddly at peace. Like, whatever is going to happen will. And whatever is meant to be will. It's all up to God and I really just need to trust that He's got, what's the use in worrying and stressing when He already has it all set in place?


Planning on starting my day off bright and early with morning mass and packing/finishing my research paper/studying before the interview....pray for me please!

P.S. this song has really been getting me through...aka helping me cry out my frustrations and anxieties lately...check it! :)

Saturday, May 5, 2012

7 Quick Takes (2) - a bit late

I was suuuper busy yesterday and didn't have the chance to do a Quick Takes post...and was obviously too involved with my deep thinking. But, better late than never!

I got another interview offer this week and I accepted, but this has now confused me totally about what God wants for me...I've had friends say that there's nothing to decide unless if you have a job offer, but even so, I'm truly attempting to live as HE deems fit, so this throws a curveball into the plan...but we'll see what happens.
ps the interview is on Monday at 2pm...pray? shanks.

I'm just generally in a rough I'm fine, but if I allow myself to dwell on the fact that I'm graduating in less than 6 days, I get into this funky mood that I dislike. I think part of this has to do with the unsure-of-what-my-post-graduation-plans-are issue that I have going on...
but I just spend about a half and hour in adoration, so that helped a bit....

I seriously can't get enough of Grace at Camp Patton...legit, I know I sound like a creepy stalker, but I get real happy when I see that she's posted something new. Maybe it's her witty and honest humor, or the fact that she's super skilled at the whole re-fashion/baby-raising/mom-being/etc thing that she's got going on...I don't know, but I thoroughly enjoy her and suggest that you check her out!

I'm moving out of this apartment in 7 days.
Not excited about packing up.
Super thrilled to be able to bid this apartment adieu.

"My name is Morgan and I'm a Chipotle-aholic"
Yup...that sounds about right...
I seriously find any excuse to get a burrito bowl. SO DELISH. Like today, it's Cinco de Mayo so hey, let's get some fine Mexican cuisine!

All of these bridal showers that I've been attending for my roommate have turned out to be slightly bad for my emotional chastity... just because I really really really really really want to get married.
Now about finding a guy....

Please pray for me.
I'm not doing so hot.
Plus I'm a genius at procrastination and have finals to study for and papers to write....sooo yeah.
Need to learn to overcome my lazy tendencies.

That's all for now! 
Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Friday, May 4, 2012

crystal clear

I'm 7 days from graduation.
Still no definite job offers.
But I do have hope....and honestly, that's what scares me more than anything.
It might sound ridiculous but it's true - mostly because I like things to be clean-cut and for the right decision to be easy to pick out.
I know that life isn't like this...I know that knowing what was going to happen next would take some of the fun and adventure out of life.
But I'd like to know what God has planned.

So far, I have been offered 2 job two separate two different fields.
The first, I talked about last a daycare.
The second, I was just contacted about yesterday...working in the campus ministry field - aka my dream.

So it's great, really. Like I'm excited about both because they're both jobs that I would be really excited about and grateful to have...but the catch is that the one (daycare) is in my hometown, the other (ministry) is about 4.5 hrs from home. So there are different pros and cons that go along with each. I won't go through every single pro/con on my list, but here are a few just to get the picture:

pro: close to home
con: living at home...ugh
pro: BABIES!!!
con: not the field I'm interested in being in for the rest of my working years...
pro: good salary+benefits
con: living far from friends and not having any friends at home (legit...I'm friend-less)

pro: ahhh dream job!
con: salary??? no idea how I would pay off my loans and living expenses on my own
pro: would only be 1 hr from where I currently live, aka close to friends
con: figuring out living sitch and moving more than once this year
pro: working in the field that I aspire to be in forever/networking for future
con: farrrr from home, hard to get back for fam stuff

and there are sooo many more but I won't bore you...I don't know, like no matter what, it's going to be all fine and dandy because this is my life we're talking about...and like I've said, He's got this...but it's nerve-racking not knowing. The uncertainty is what freaks me out. Ughhh.

Sometimes, I wish that when you turned 22, you were given a folder with two vital pieces of information in it. 
1. The day that you will meet your future spouse.
2. The job that God has planned for you.
I know that this takes all the fun out of the unknown, but sometimes, I just wish I knew these 2 things so that I could stop wondering and day-dreaming. Oiy.

in need of a nanny

yes, you read that title correctly...I'm in need of a nanny....for myself.
or I guess these days they're called "companions" (insert season if you so desire i.e. 'summer companion')

because I need someone to tell me to go to bed.
someone to MAKE me go to bed.
someone to monitor my every move and make sure I don't stay up until 5AM playing angry birds. yuuup. that's how I waste my time.
legit issue right here.

what's your passion?

A few months ago, I had an epiphany of sorts. My constant prayer was "Lord, I give you my all, my everything...I want to do your will." And yet, I realized that while my prayer was heartfelt, I was holding something back...while I thought I was giving Him everything, there was still something that was I was keeping for career. And it occurred to me that I needed to offer Him that too...if it turned out that He wanted/wants me to work in the secular world, that's fine, but the very least I can do is ask Him what HE wants, what HE has planned.

And so I did, and like always, He was very clear what He wanted. When it comes right down to it, the only thing that matters is that we make it to heaven. Really. That's all that matters. The building of the Kingdom is our mission while here on earth...some of us may be called to build the Kingdom by being mothers, others by being priests or religious, and still others by working in various other fields. But our sole mission is to get to heaven and help others get there too. 

When I took a step back and asked myself what I was passionate about, what I REALLY loved, the answer was simple: The Church. 
Yes, I am a Psychology major. 
Yes, I will be graduating in a week with my B.S. in Psychology. 
Yes, it interests me and I could talk for awhile about everything from operant conditioning to DTT with children who have Autism to the power of the reciprocity rule. 
However, I could (and have) talk for HOURS about the beauty of our Mother Church, about the wisdom of our dear Pope, about the courage and strength of our amazing saints, about the magnificence of the gift we have in the Eucharist, etc etc etc....

My passion is the Lord, is His Church and I finally realized that I am called to work hands-on to build the Kingdom. I don't want to be sitting on the sidelines, hearing about the awesome things that people are doing to spread God's love and evangelize the world...I want to be right in the middle of the action...I have been CALLED, and for the first time, I was able to respond to that call with a resounding "YES!"

Thankfully, my parents have been very supportive of my goals and my dreams, but I'm being realistic about everything, which probably helps them with being so open to what I (and more importantly, God) want with my life. And it's difficult for me to trust that the Lord is taking care of everything, but deep down, I know He's got this. I'm not sure exactly what it is that He wants me to do, but as of now, I plan on (someday) going back to school for my Masters in Theology...I really love campus ministry because I feel like the college students of today have such a great opportunity to be a voice in the wilderness, so I would love to be a part of something along those lines, but I'm open to we'll see! 

He's got a I've just gotta "Let Go and Let God" as they say...whoever "they" are....

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Catholic Swag

Like I've said before, I'm a teeny tiny bit obsessed with Pinterest. A hazard that comes along with loving Pinterest is the idea that I can do pretty much anything, and until now, I haven't ventured to complete too many projects, mostly because I'm still in school and don't usually have the time, space, or resources to do them.

So, I have all these grand ideas and plans to put into action once graduation and the big move home are over....but, sometimes things just fall together...and this is how I got my brand new, CATHOLIC inspired sweatshirt :)

A little background info: for my birthday, I basically asked my mom just for a bunch of Catholic tshirts...and she gently suggested that perhaps I should ask for some professional, "big girl" clothes. *sigh* fiiiiine. However, being the generous woman that she is (and my father as well, don't want to neglect him), she ordered a fab tshirt that I can find it here. And so I was satisfied, for the time being. But since I had a few other shirts in mind that I was hoping for, I decided that those would be my first projects once I get my brothers' undershirt drawers and create!

But, like I said, sometimes things just fall together. Whilst filming this video, I found a sweatshirt. Yes, found. And yes, it was dirty. But luckily for little sweatshirt, I was doing laundry that day! And so began the brainstorming. I'll spare you the deets, but my inspiration finally came from this tshirt at
[btw...shameless plug...phatmass is freaking awesome. check out their stuff. seriously.]

The following are pics of the final products, I forgot to take pics throughout but if you have questions, feel free to comment!

front: fleur de lis

back: haters gonna hate
Basically, this was super easy...the front fleur de lis was a stamp that after I imprinted it onto the seatshirt, needed some filling in with a thin brush. For the back, I found some indoor/outdoor stickers at Hobby Lobby, stuck them on, and painted over. When the paint was semi-dry, I peeled the stickers off and have them saved to be used again! And the "Proverbs 9:8" was free-handed [as you can probably tell lol]

Pretty simple and a monkey could probably figure it out, but I didn't want to label this as DIY unless if I actually included a rough outline of directions :)

psyched to wear this asap :)

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

things I won't miss

things about this apartment I will not miss:
  • creeeeeaky floors - soooo annoying in the morning when I'm trying to snooze for an extra 3 minutes but all I can focus on is the sound of my roommates creaking around. ugh.
  • paper-thin walls - also soooo annoying because not only can I hear my neighbors breaking up [or making up - yuck.] with their boyfriends, but again, when I'm trying to snooze, I can hear everything happening in my apartment. ugh.
  • obnoxious neighbors who use the stairwells and hallways as a garbage dump - not only have we had to pay a number of repair fees but the people in this building - and their friends - just leave stuff allll overrr the place. For example, there is currently an empty pizza box, almost ripped to shreds, just laying on one of the landings in the stairwell. whyyyyy?!
  • this horrible forest green carpet - this is probably due to the price of nicer carpet being more expensive and granted, spills don't really show up on this carpet...but gross. I hate it.
the above and other things have me actually looking forward to graduation...10 days!


This post is suuper long, you've been given fair warning!

frens [fr-eh-ns]
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
2. aka "friends"

I've been thinking a lot about "frens" the past couple days...I would say that I have a good number of them, but then the question is posed: "What is a friend?" Especially in today's media culture, the word "friend" is used so could be "friends" with someone who you've only met once, but because you have looked through their photos, read their wall posts/status updates, and perhaps have chatted a couple times, you may develop a feeling of false closeness.

However, I would argue that this phenomenon of "false closeness" can occur even with people who you know within certain social groups or functions. I've seen it happen with people who I know...and it is especially common within large groups of people who are of different ages but also are emotionally accessible to one another constantly. But throughout my years of "expertise" with friendships and my Psychology analytic training - for I will always be a psychologist/behaviorist at heart - I have come up with "Degrees of Closeness: Looking at Friendship Levels", a title of an unofficial social observation study which I just made up but these "theories" and opinions are totally legit - aka I believe the following.

"Degrees of Closeness: Looking at Friendship Levels"
Morgan McFarlin, Unaffiliated

     Humans are social beings. Duh. But levels with which we are social with one another can vary immensely. And with our ever-changing media culture, the word "friend" has become very vague. What does it mean to be a "friend"? Shouldn't there be a list of criteria that someone would need to meet before they can be considered a "friend"? Why yes, there should be. But look no further!

Levels of Friendship

1. An Acquaintance
This is a friend who you have either just met or have seen a few times. You know their name, perhaps their major and year in school, but you don't really KNOW them. You may even be "Facebook Friends", but in the real world, you aren't considered friends.

A and I were introduced at a church function, we chatted in a group for a few minutes before moving on to the activities planned for the night. The next time I saw him, I said "Hi" and I might even say hello were we to run into one another on campus, but I don't really KNOW him.

2. A Friend
This is a friend who you know on a slightly deeper level than an acquaintance. This is a person who you may have something in common with such as work or classes. You may see them on a regular basis, chat with them about whatever, but you don't ever really "hang out". You might not even really consider them a friend, but you get along and you enjoy their company, however brief or infrequent it is. When talking about them you may refer to them as a friend, but then correct yourself, for example: "My friend Kelsey from work...well, I guess we're not technically friends..." You may correct yourself because while they're definitely more than an acquaintance, the word "friend" just doesn't seem to fit quite right.

H and I met while working together at Einstein's Bagels on ISU's campus. We worked one shift/week together and semi-bonded over both being Psych majors. We would discuss classes and professors and grades. In our final semester at ISU, we were in the same Operant Bx lab and sat next to each other/talked about surface level things. We got along, she was nice and funny...but we never hung out outside of work/class.

3. A Close Friend
This is a friend who you know and they know you - on a deeper level. Perhaps you have a couple inside jokes or maybe you just had a heart to heart one time...somehow you two bonded. It could be that you needed a shoulder to cry on and they were that shoulder. They would be considered a "friend" in your book. However, as close as you two may be, your friendship may not be the most consistent or strong. That's not to say that you don't enjoy one another's company, but this bond isn't one that will necessarily stand the test of time. Additionally, most of your time together may be spent within a group of people...there may be occasions when just the two of you hang out, but that's not the usual situation.
This category can be blurry at times because it is a spectrum. With people in this stage of friendship, you may feel closer with them at some points and less close at others. In other words, not all "Close Friends" are equal...there are some which you are closer with and others you are not, but they all fall into the same category.

Through being involved with the Newman Center, I have many close friends. One in particular, K, is a couple years younger than me and over the 2 years we have known one another, we have a few inside jokes, and I like to play with her hair and make her laugh. She's sweet and I enjoy her company. However, while we have many mutual friends, we rarely end up hanging out with one another on the weekends, unless if it is Newman related.
Another close friend is S. He's one of my favorite younger kids and I think he's great. I don't know him too well, but what I know, I like. He hangs out with some of my friends, so we occasionally find ourselves in the same group hanging out.
One more. A is a year older than me and is super cute. She is always so full of joy and I admire her for that. In the beginning of this school year, we were both helping out with move-in. Most of her friends weren't back on campus yet and I tend to be an open book, so we spent about a week eating lunch together and swapping boy issues stories. We got to know each other on a whole different level, but really only one aspect of our lives. She talked about her new romance while I commiserated over a boy that I was trying to get over. We still talk once in awhile when she's in town and I would say that we're relatively "close", but I don't call her up on the phone or make plans to see her when I go home for the weekend.

4. A Best Friend
This is a friend who you have been through things with. This is a friend who KNOWS you. They know who you are, not just facts about you. This is a friendship in which if/when something is wrong, you try to fix it because the friendship is valuable. When a best friend does something that you didn't expect, especially if it is troublesome to you, you want to talk it out, figure out how to deal with whatever happened. This is a friend who you wouldn't hesitate to call at 3AM if you need them because you know that they'll be ok with you calling. This is a friend who you want to be friends with forever. Whether or not that happens, they are important enough to you that you want them to be in your life in the future.

C and I have known each other since Freshman year of college and we now live together. We've definitely had our rough patches, usually her being upset about something that I've done...oops...but because our friendship is important to the both of us, we work it out. We talk it out. When she moved to CO for the summer, we kept in contact and talked on the phone [even though she HATES the phone] a couple times a month. She is someone who I KNOW and she KNOWS me. When I'm upset, she can tell. When she's had a bad day, I know it. Her and I are BFFs [screw the cliche] and I know that I can count on her.
**update: C just moved to TX and we still talk...and she's gotten over her phobia of phonecalls**

With my experience, I also know that issues arise when 2 people agree [without saying it outright] that they are friends, but without knowing, have placed one another in different levels. And in doing so, have also assumed that the other has placed them in the same level. [AKA I placed C in Level 4 and assumed that she has also placed me in Level 4, while without my knowledge, she has actually put me into Level 2] While this may never become an issue, it goes without saying that there are different requirements of obligation that go with each level. For example, a friend in Level 1, 2, or maybe even 3 could get away with not knowing that it was your birthday and neglecting to text/wish you a "Happy Birthday"...however a friend in Level 4 would be in biiiiig trouble should he/she not follow protocol and wish you a "Happy Birthday". This may be when problems come up and fights occur because one friend feels shafted by the other, while the other didn't know that they were subject to these requirements.


Now, while these may seem too clinical and clean cut [although I know that they aren't always as slice and dice as we'd like them to be], this is what I have compartmentalized my own experiences into, take what you like and leave what you don't. This isn't like the, you can pick and choose what to agree with ;) This was super long, but it's something that's been on my mind and if nothing else, it's now on "paper" for me to remember and reflect on at a later date.

Have a splendid day and joyful tomorrow!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...