When Jealousy Threatens Joy

Welcome to summer, folks - also known as "Wedding Season"!

Now, I love weddings. The dressing up! The sacraments! The love! The tears!
All good things.

And don't forget about the post-wedding goodies! Dancing, food, fellowship! Pictures, videos, marriage!
Again, all good things.

There are people who would comment that I'm in that stage of life when everyone is pairing and marrying, and to an extent, they'd be right. The mid-twenties: an age where it seems that EVERYONE is getting married.

It's true, many of my friends have entered marriage this year - I've been in three of these weddings since March! But, in a way, it feels as if I've been in this stage of "marriage is the thing to do" for awhile.

I have friends who married young, while we were still in college.
I have friends who married after they graduated, but while I was still in school.
Then there were the friends marrying the summer of our college graduation.
And throughout these three years following college, nearly each season has been filled with friends entering into this next chapter.

I've begun to wonder: how does one fully embrace the joy one has for friends entering marriage while feeling the heartache of longing for that vocation?

Recently, I watched the wedding video of a friend from high school. SO BEAUTIFUL. The love he and his new wife share is palpable. I was moved to tears, and I realized that these tears weren't simply happy ones, but slightly sad ones shed for myself.

Don't get me wrong - I am overjoyed for each and every one of my friends who've entered and will enter into this sacrament. To witness the love between two people is incredible, so to witness the love between two people you love is overwhelming. It's truly an honor to share in their joy.

And yet, I feel the twinge of jealousy. Just a twinge, followed by a wave of guilt. What's wrong with me?! These are my friends getting married!

I try to focus on the joy and ignore the ache of my heart saying "AH, why not me?"

But pushing down these feelings, this ache, pretending that I don't feel the way I do.... this doesn't make it go away. The struggle is real, y'all. I'm convinced that there is nothing quite like the pain of waiting for your vocation, especially when you're certain of God's call for you.

I had a moment in prayer weeks ago - while simultaneously driving because, hey, why not make the best of that highway time? - during which I got this image of when I'm finally married to the man God created for me and I am able to look at my husband and say "you were so worth the wait". Many emotions washed over me in my mind's eye - that feeling of "home" and gratitude for the struggle.

Call this prophesy or a glimpse of my future for the sake of keeping hope alive in my heart, but whatever it was, I'm grateful for it. For the first time, my heart believes that whenever that day comes, when my husband and I are together at last, the pain and longing and tears will all have been worth it.

The Lord has fulfilled other promises He's made to me, why do I doubt that He will fulfill this one as well? Trust is the only cure and one of the hardest things to develop.

I'm not sure how to close out this post.... I have no resolution. This struggle between the ache of my heart and the bubbling over joy is an on-going reality.

I will continue to bask in the glow of my loved ones who have found the one for whom their soul longs.
I will continue to allow myself to feel what I feel, yet not dwell on these emotions which crush my hope.
I will continue to cling to the cross, knowing that He will fulfill the desires He's placed on my heart.

living {life} as it is

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, 
he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." 

- John 15:5 -

"For those of you who are married, imagine your life without your spouse. For those of you with children, imagine your life, it's impossible, without your children."

My pastor began his homily on Sunday with these words. Well intended, to be sure, as he began to discuss what our lives would be without God and this comparison would help to conceptualize this lack for the congregation. Yet, unexpectedly, I was overcome with a wave of tears as I thought:

"What about me?! I don't have any of that!"

Immediately, my mind was swept away from the current moment, the beauty of the Mass, and taken to a place I long to be. A place where I hold a sweet child in my arms, a place where the comfort of my husband's arm encircles us both. Surrounded by my loving and vibrant parish community where seemingly hundreds of couples were living this reality with their hundreds of babies, I was overcome by my aching heart.

This is a constant struggle for me: presence in the current moment. How quickly am I able to forget about my present, my present which is very full.

I'm easily distracted by the lives of others. I constantly compare where I am to where friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, etc. are.

Other women my age who are having their first, second, third! child.

Other women my age who are getting engaged or married.

Other women my age who are moving up the corporate ladder, gaining prestige, wealth, and power.

Other women my age who are travelling to places I long to see, experiencing a life I wish I could afford the time or expense to live.

I'm easily overcome with wishing I had what any, or all of them, have....and lose sight of how much I love what I have.

I love where I live; my town and everything it has to offer.

I love my work, my co-workers, and why we do what we do.

I love the travels I've taken, the opportunities I've had, and the trips I'm planning.

I love the relationships I've cultivated, the friends I've made, the stories we can tell.

I love the independence my current life holds, with all it's unpredictability and freedom.

The lives of other women my age are wonderful and beautiful and blessed.

And so is mine.

As a result of my recent birthday - 25! ah! - I've been hit once again with the reality that where I am in my life is not at all where I had hoped, or anticipated. But, this isn't an inherently sorrowful reality.

What would be a sorrowful reality is if I wasted these present moments living in and for the future.

I've finally, truly found a place in my life where I'm content. I know who I am, where I am, and where/who I want to be. Why can't I just sit in that and be content?! If I believe that He has a plan for my life, then I must also believe that this time is also part of His plan! These aches and pains are perhaps simply His pruning of the branches.

These desires of my heart, placed there by God, for marriage and children - ah, and these are such present desires! -  are good and pure, but they are not the end-all-be-all. 

I'm still coming to accept and embrace that my vocation, right now and forever, is to live fully as a follower of Christ. This is not dependent upon my relationship status. Nor is the need for me to grow and evolve into the woman God made me to be.

Regardless of if I'm single, dating, engaged, or married, I'm called to live for Christ every day and love Him above all else. Losing sight of that will only make His pruning more difficult.

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Linking up with the Blessed is She community!

Not Alone Series: Lent

We're about half-way through Lent...how's it going? What did you decide to give up or take up? Did you make any spiritual goals? How have you grown thus far and how do you hope to make the most of the remainder of this season?

It seems insane that just next week is Holy Week! Insane!

My Lent has flown. One might understand this to mean that my Lent has been wonderful and therefore has flown...however, it's been a rollercoaster of happenings.

God has a way of stretching me, taking seasons to help me grow, and even if I can see that this is His intent in the midst of these periods, I have a hard time appreciating these opportunities.

This Lent has been a rollercoaster of emotions and events. Some extreme highs and some lows. I'm being challenged day after day to pick up my cross, one that I love and simultaneously despise, and follow after the One who gave His all for me.

I chose to give up a couple of things this Lent, one of these being music in the car. I've started to feel overstimulated in this world, so I thought this could be a good way to quiet my mind and heart. The one exception I've given myself is when I'm on a long drive, since I travel some for work and other life events and music is usually the only thing that keeps me alert on the road.

So, when this past weekend I drove more than 700 miles, I had a good amount of music time.

I've become re-obsessed with NEEDTOBREATHE and had one of their CDs in my car (yes, I'm an old lady with CDs...get over it)....this was really the only album I listened to for all of those 700+ miles. I'm the type who, when I find a song I LOVE, I listen to it on repeat for hours.

"Garden" is one of these such songs. (though the entire album is perfection. take a listen.)

The subject matter is clear from the title, but the first lyrics set the scene perfectly in the Garden of Gethsemane:

Won't you take this cup from me
'Cause fear has stolen all my sleep
If tomorrow means my death
I pray you'll save their souls with it

I've been hearing repeatedly in sermon and personal prayer that I must attempt to align my suffering with that of our Lord on the cross. But, I forget about the pre-cross scene.

Jesus is fully God and fully man. He had full knowledge of what was to occur and this frightened Him. He stepped into His fear despite knowing what was to come, but He too had to surrender to the will of His Father.

I forget this. Too often, I forget this. While I'm over in my corner suffering and crying out in anguish, I forget that Jesus did the same. I forget that my Savior also had doubts, He also had fears, He is human, just like me. (except that I'm just fully human) His suffering had a purpose, my salvation. I must believe that my suffering, which pales in comparison, has a purpose as well.

And in the same thread, our Lord isn't asking me to be fearless or cast away my doubt, but He is asking me to trust Him. The only way His Father's plan worked was through Jesus' trust, and so I must try my darnedest to trust Him as well.

The chorus of "Garden" reminds me of how I need to be living my day-to-day:

Let the songs I sing bring joy to youLet the words I say confess my loveLet the notes I choose be your favorite tuneFather let my heart be after you

Despite my heartache, despite my fears, despite my loneliness and worry and everything else....the one thing that I can focus on in the turmoil is fixing my eyes and heart on the One who loves me unconditionally.

God doesn't ask for grand gestures. I'm sure He finds joy in my mortifications and self-denial, but ultimately, all He wants from me is my heart. And all He wants from you is your heart. When I feel that I have nothing left to give, when I've been emptied of everything, I still have my heart to be surrendered to my Lord.

And that's all He wants.

So that's how my Lent is going. It's struggle and beauty, all in one.

How is your Lent? Please share your reflections with us in the comments or link-up your post below!

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Next week's topic:

Expectations vs Reality...of the Single Life

Have you ever had people in your life, who have expectations of what your life is as a single person which are different than the reality of your life? Do friends or family ever make assumptions about your life simply because you're unmarried? Did you ever have expectations about being single which turned out to be different than the reality? How do you manage the expectations of others with the reality of your day-to-day?

4/7: Challenge Check-inA couple weeks ago, we set to challenge ourselves! What did you decide on and what did you end up doing? Was this a fruitful experience for you? Why or why not?

4/14: Christian FriendshipWhat does it mean to be a friend based in Christ? Do Christian friends hold each other higher? Do we let certain things go easier? Do we hold each other accountable? How do these friendships differ from non-Christian based friendships? Do the differ? Is one better than the other?

Not Alone Series: Loneliness

We all have times when we feel alone. What are ways that you combat loneliness? Pray? Join a group? How can we encourage each other to stay positive? 

Thanks to Laura P!

I was just minding my own business, perusing Facebook, when a post by CatholicTV's Encounter caught my eye. Naturally, I clicked, and imagine my surprise when I hear the following intro to this month's Encounter episode:

"Welcome to the February edition of Encounter. Well, it is February, the month of Valentine's and a lot of people may be thinking about their relationships and about love. For many people who are single, this may not be a time of year that they get particularly excited about but this month we're going to talk to two Catholic single women who are excited about sharing their experiences in the single life with other women in the Not Alone Series."

Ok, y'all. Throughout this intro, I was cracking up. Literally. Doubling over, holding-my-side laughing.

Back in September, Jen and I traveled to Boston to talk about the Not Alone Series on This is the Day, and while there, we did mini-interviews for another CatholicTV show, Encounter. Little did I know that our interviews would be featured during the "month of love".

Hilarious!

And how fitting, too, that we have this week's topic, right before V-Day itself?!

Loneliness: a feeling, or state of being, that everyone has encountered at one time or another, but one that few people enjoy talking about.

Have you ever mentioned feeling lonely and the people around you congratulate you? Or given you a high five?

No. More often than not, it's a difficult emotion to address. And most times, I've experienced others feeling sorry for me.

Well, as "nice" as that is, people feeling bad for me doesn't help the situation. If anything, it just reminds me to never talk about my loneliness because this only leads to awkward conversations and attempts to console without knowing what to do in order to change the problem.

You see, the Not Alone Series, as I tell in my Encounter interview, began as a response to this loneliness. The loneliness, specifically, that results from feeling that you're the only person who knows what you're going through.

As much as we have created this community to address the need for solidarity, and I hope it has brought comfort to those we were trying to serve, this loneliness still exists.

I know this all too well. Despite how much I enjoy my life and am attempting to live it very fully, the loneliness creeps in.

It creeps in after I come home from work and am reminded that, like every night before, I am alone.

It creeps in during a fun night out, when I'm reminded that many of my dear friends have what I do not yet experience.

It creeps in at a family event, when I'm hand my cousin his daughter and witness the love that is shared between him and his wife.

I don't have someone to vent to about my frustrations, or share in my joys, or help to bear my burdens.

I feel that I have so much love and attention and affection and time to give, but to who?

This loneliness can overwhelm us, if we allow it. And I've allowed it to do so, from time to time. I don't want it to consume me, but it's pull is real.

What's a girl to do?

The only solution that's helped me to diminish this loneliness is to run to the Lord and Him alone. He is the only one who can comfort me, who can love me, who can understand me the way I need.

The surest way to continue feeling lonely is for me to continue distancing myself from God.

But, remember, this only diminishes the problem, it doesn't eliminate it. So, it helps to have other things in your life, in addition to your relationship with the Lord, to take your mind off of these feelings.

- Good friends, those who share your interests or hobbies. This differs from the friends we've all had who only want to talk about who's dating who and who you're dating, etc. 

- Hobbies! The best way for me to forget about being alone at home is trying to teach myself guitar (it isn't working, by the way) or working out or cooking or reading, etc etc etc.

- Learn to love your own company. Find your happy place, alone. Maybe this starts as a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine after work. Maybe this evolves into adventuring on your own, either in your town or elsewhere. Regardless, learning to enjoy your "me" time can be extremely helpful in realizing that being "alone" does not equate "loneliness".

But, sometimes, we need to let ourselves feel what we're feeling. Keeping busy and trying not to think about what you're feeling for an extended amount of time isn't healthy. We mustn't become numb to the longing of our hearts. Sometimes, it's theraputic for us to acknowledge our loneliness and let ourselves feel it. For it is only when we face something head on and allow ourselves to be that we can learn to thrive despite opposition.

Something important to understand, too, is that loneliness doesn't simply evaporate after marriage. It will still creep in, still find it's way into your heart. So if we can learn to acknowledge and adapt to our loneliness, that will only help us in the future. 

How do you deal with loneliness in your life? Please share with us in the comments below or link up your post!

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Next week's topic:

Spiritual Writings

What are some of your favorite or go-to books, devotionals or even blogs that help encourage you in your spiritual life?

2/24: TRAVEL! 
How do you travel as a single lady?! Any tips or tricks you'd like to share? Do you have anything fun planned for this year?

3/3: Dating Fast
Most of us have heard about them, but have you ever done a dating fast? If so, what was your experience? If you haven't, would you consider doing one? Why or why not?

Not Alone Series: If you were called to religious life...

Hello! See below for the next few weeks' topics!

This week's topic was suggested by Laura!

While most of us feel called to marriage, it is important to see the beauty in all vocations! If/when you were discerning religious life, which communities interest(ed) you? What do you see as the positives of that vocation?

During my sophomore year of college, I discerned that I was called to marriage. And because I'd felt God had been totally clear, I never approached that topic again. Onwards and upwards toward marriage.

And then a couple months ago, doubt crept in.

"What if you're supposed to be a nun?"

"Maybe that's why you're still single..."

I'd never felt doubt like that before. Oh man, I was freaking out.

Was this from God? Or was it the enemy? Should I re-discern? Or should I stay the course?

Thank God for the silent retreat I attended, where I had the best spiritual direction of my life.

I met with the wisest Sister I've ever known, and I am so grateful for her advice. She told me that there's no danger in continuing discernment, even if you think you know what you're called to. Your vocation has been already been chosen, so if I'm called to marriage, only more clarity can come from learning more about religious life and religious communities. So, that's what I decided to do! After all, if I truly want to live the Lord's plan for my life, shouldn't I be open to whatever that plan is?

During the past few weeks, I entered spiritual direction with the aforementioned Sister and did a lot of soul-searching, praying, surrendering, and opening myself up to whatever the Lord wants.

Oh, and I watched the Light of Love film which is INCREDIBLE. 

Please watch it. I loved learning about different religious Sisters and their lives! It's so awesome what the Lord can do!

I've since been reconfirmed in my original discernment - I believe that the Lord has created me for marriage. 

This questioning, I believe, came from a place of fear: fear that God has forgotten about me, fear of having no control, etc. Being called to marriage is scary! You have no control over when you will meet Mr. Right... and I really like control. With religious life, at least you can make the decision to enter an order. 

I caution you against this way of thinking, friends. It's a dangerous slope, which can easily turn into you choosing the wrong vocation simply because of some perceived "control". No good.

But in attempting to reopen myself to religious life has allowed me to remember the beauty of that vocation and learn more about certain communities.

If I did have a call to religious life, I would expect that I'd be drawn to communities like the Missionaries of Charity or the Salesians of Don Bosco. I have a heart for ministry, so I think that would be something I'd desire to keep focused on. During my silent retreat (which wasn't so silent), we watched this video on Mother Teresa, which really spoke to my heart...especially the part with the babies at the orphanage! But there are so many other kinds of orders out there, my research has barely scratched the surface! Like what about the Dominicans of St. Cecilia, the Sisters of Life, or the Daughters of St. Paul?

One of my friends is a cloistered Carmelite and I don't think I could ever do that. We're all called to contemplative prayer, but my soul is not made to be cloistered!

I was just trying to count how many friends of mine are now religious Sisters or intending to enter religious life....I want to say it's about...10? Plus I have a great aunt who was a Sister....oh, and my Grandpa Lynch once dated Mother Dolores.

What I see to be the most beautiful part about religious life is how you're able to give yourself totally and completely to God. As a religious, one marries our Lord and from thereon, every second of one's life is devoted to Him! What a gift! It would be incredible to be able to serve anyone, anywhere, in whatever way was needed. Because that's what you're called to do as a religious!

A married woman gives herself to God in a a different way...through sacrifice to her husband and children. It's a calling as necessary and beautiful, but different.

I've heard before that religious life is a higher calling than marriage. Technically, this is true, since being married to God is as close to heaven as we can get on earth. However, that doesn't mean that religious life is better than marriage. We were all made for one vocation in particular. During my re-discernment, I struggled seeking what that Lord created me for rather than what I've heard in the past as being "better".

If you are called to marriage, that is what's best for you. That doesn't mean that one is better than the other, but your heart was made for one specific vocation. Don't allow your mind to lead you away from what your heart was made for.

ANYWAY. Marriage is awesome. Religious life is awesome.

If for no other reason, I hope that this time I've taken to explore religious life will help me to be encouraging of vocations to religious life in my family, my friends, perhaps my children or nieces and nephews.

I can't wait to hear from you! Have you looked into any religious orders? What do you see in religious life that is appealing? Link up below and check out Jen's post!

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Next week's topic:

Making Friends

We LOVE the NAS community, but creating a real-life community is essential to our lives! What have been your struggles in making friends as a young adult? Do you have any advice for those struggling to build community post-college?

5/27: Social MediaOur lives tend to revolve around social media and knowing what's happening in everyone's lives. How has this effected your life? In your experience, has social media made dating easier? Harder? i.e. not judging something you see about the guy you're dating on Twitter/FB

6/3: NAS year in reviewJune 4th, 2013 was the very first NAS post! How has your life changed in the past year? How has this community impacted you?

Not Alone Series: Deal Breakers

tsk tsk tsk...tardy for the party again. Ah well, better late than never!

We have all thought about our list of qualities for our future spouse (and maybe even religious community), but sometimes those can be pretty limiting on who God has planned for you. Instead, maybe think about the few things that are so important to you, that if a guy you were considering dating (or community you were entering) didn't have those things, you would have to move on. Why are those things important to you? 

We've talked before about our ideal qualities in a spouse and to be honest, I stand by the ones I chose back then:

1. He must be kind and affectionate

2. He must be intelligent

3. He must be tall (at least 6'0'')

Hmmmm you might notice that "Catholic" isn't on that list. Well, I did have a disclaimer that I was assuming Catholic was a given...but to be honest, I'm not 100% sold on that being a deal breaker.

Before anyone starts flippin' tables, let me explain.

It is extremely important to me that whoever I marry has a strong relationship with the Lord. Being that my faith is such an integral part of my life, I cannot imagine marrying a man who does not understand that part of my identity.

Going into college, I never imagined that I'd ever waver on this part of my "list". I couldn't imagine ever being serious about anyone who wasn't Catholic. But then it happened.

I won't go into the details on this today, but in getting to know a young man who was "just" Christian, and a strong one at that, I began to wonder if I was pigeon-holing myself and not allowing the Lord to have true reign over my love life. After all, if I'm seeking His will, won't He lead me to the man he's prepared for me?

Nothing ever progressed with that guy, but it definitely got me to thinking that I should be open to whoever God had planned for me. This mentality was strengthened when a friend's ex-boyfriend ended up converting to Catholicism because of the exposure to our faith she'd witnessed to him. He is now studying at the Augustine Institute.

And just this past week, I attended a fundraising conference in North Carolina where I met so many amazing Christian men who are on fire for the Lord. I couldn't help but wonder if through situations like this, which I hadn't planned on experiencing originally (I mean, fundraising conference? really? who goes to things like that?), God might just bring my future husband and I together.

Ideally my future husband would be Catholic.
but....ideally I would be married already.

See, our plans don't always go as we expect....so while I will continue my "search" in primarily Catholic circles, I'm also open to whoever the Lord brings into my life. I have past experience with Him changing my plans and His are much better and greater than what I imagined.

So...back to my list. Well, there's definitely one thing I won't waver on: marrying a man who loves the Lord.
Aside from that, he also must be open to life...whatever that means for us. (2 kids? 12 kids? adoption?)
And if I'm pulling from my list above, I'd prefer a tall, kind, affectionate, and intelligent hubby.

But other than those things....well, anything else is negotiable. As long as that foundation of morals and ethics are the same, what else really matters?

If you haven't checked out the other responses to this week's prompt, head on over to Jen's and please link-up your post as well!

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Next week's topic:

Beginning of the Year Goals + Lent!

Remember our first post this year? How are the goals you set going? Regardless of how your goals are going, how are you utilizing this Lent to continue to strive for those goals?

April 8th: Do's and Don'ts of First DatesWhat are those things that we should be doing, and the things that we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts (clothes to wear, places to go, things to say) or emotional parts (talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc). We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

April 15th: Selfish SinglesHow do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

April 22nd: MarriageMost of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)

Not Alone Series: Settling

No one would encourage you to "settle" when it comes to relationships...but would you ever consider it? What are your thoughts on settling in relationships in general?

Great topic this week, no? I love it because it is SO relevant and pertinent in our society today.

And I have a lot of opinions on the subject, so I'll try to formulate my thoughts clearly.

Ok, so settling. Would I ever consider it?

I've considered it. Definitely.

I had a moment with my family on our way to my cousin's wedding this year when we were talking about a relative who's never married. This lead to someone telling me that I better stop being so picky otherwise I'll end up like this relative. That hurt. A lot.
I really don't think I'm that picky...I just know what I want and I know that I'm not willing to bend on certain things.
But despite me knowing all of this, it still led me to wonder if maybe I was too picky.
Maybe that's why I'm single.
Maybe that's why I haven't been on a date in 3 years.
Maybe that's why I've only dated 2 guys.

We all have moments of weakness where thoughts of "my standards are too high" or "no one will ever meet my expectations" or "all the great guys are taken" creep in...which then lead us to thinking/considering that maybe, just maybe, we should lower our standards and be more "realistic".

Well I'm just going to come out and say it: that's a bunch of crap.

Your standards are not too high.

All the great guys are not taken.

Now, it's here that I think we need to understand the difference between our non-negotiable standards and preferences.

Non-negotiable standards are things like good morals, a strong faith, enthusiasm or [at the very least] a willingness to practice NFP and raise children in the Church. We've all got non-negotiables. Some are different than others, some people have more than others.

Preferences, on the other hand, are things like "I like tall guys", "I appreciate good facial hair", "it would be so great to marry someone who can play guitar", etc etc etc. This list could go on and on and on.

The importance behind understanding the difference between your non-negotiables and preferences is that if you are going around thinking that EVERYTHING on your "dream husband laundry list" is non-negotiable, well, then you might think that you're going to have to "settle". But really, while I prefer tall, musical, dark-haired guys, if I meet a guy who is perfect for me in all ways except for the fact that he's my height, blonde, and can't carry a tune in a bucket....well, am I really settling? Because he still sounds pretty great.

So, you might have to be a bit flexible in certain areas. But let me affirm you in this: looking for a chaste, Christ-centered, fun relationship? That is not unrealistic.

Does this make sense? Hopefully...because I'm moving on. :)

Another thing that I think is important when talking about standards and expectations in your future mate is the understanding that your standards/preference might change. What I wanted in a husband when I was 18 is really very different from what I now look for in a potential spouse. Cindy at The Veil of Chastity so eloquently touches on this in her Sexual Attraction post. What you're looking for and are attracted to at 18, 23, or 25, will likely be different! Does that mean that you're settling if you marry someone who your 18, 23, or 25 year-old self would shake their head at? I don't think so.

Even some "non-negotiables" might change slightly. When I first began college, I was convinced that I would never ever ever consider dating a guy who wasn't Catholic. It would be too hard, I told myself, if we got married and he wasn't Catholic. I couldn't do it. But as I've grown in my faith and trust in the Lord, I know that if He calls me to marry a man who is not Catholic, His plan is perfect and it's going to be just fine.
Now, some women will "change" their standards and be more "flexible" because they're simply afraid that they'll never find a holy, Catholic man to marry....that's not ok. Because that's not complete and total trust in the Lord and His goodness.
Don't act in fear. That isn't from the Lord.

Overall, I think the best way to ensure that you don't "settle" is to know yourself and to know Jesus. If you know yourself, who you are, what you need, what your deepest desires are, you won't be tempted to "settle". And if you know Jesus, you'll have the faith and trust to allow Him to guide you and He will not lead you astray.

What do you think? Would you ever settle just for the sake of being with someone? Link up with us over at Jen's blog!

Reminder:
If you would like to have an accountability partner, and haven't emailed us, please do so today!! We will be sending out an email very soon to let you know who your partner is! :)

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Next week's topic:

Fav single-person websites/blogs

Share other single-person blogs or websites that you love! Include posts/articles that you've enjoyed that pertain to the single life, too if you want!

November 12: Vulnerability with friends
Do you find that your non-single friends struggle with relating to you or vice versa? If so, in what ways? How do you handle it? What is something that you would like them to know or understand that they just don't seem to get?

November 19: Surviving events/parties as a singleton
The holidays are coming up! Family parties, friend gatherings... and you're single. How do you "cope"? Any tips or tricks?

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BREAK!

Ladies, we have decided to take a break from the Not Alone Series until January 14, 2014. I know it seems like a long time, but we are coming up on a busy season of travel and family time. We don't want to take away your time from what's most important. Feel free to continue to blog about your single life experiences, but we just won't be having anything formal until January.

Not Alone Series: Careers as Vocations?

Linking up over at Jen's for another round of the Not Alone Series.

This week's topic prompt:

How do we know what God's call is for us if we are focused on our careers? Is it appropriate to focus on that career and then get married/enter religious life later? Or maybe the call/vocation IS the career and you could be single?

Before I begin, I just want to reiterate what Jen said over on her post that while we all might have differing opinions on this topic, let's remember that the point of this series is to grow in community with other single people so we know that we are "not alone". It's perfectly fine to disagree, but please comment, reply, etc. in charity. We want this to be a welcoming group where everyone feels comfortable sharing their opinion. And since there's no doctrine of Church teaching on the topics we discuss, it's okay to disagree. mmmmkay? :)

I know so many young women who get their first job out of college with no real intention of sticking with it for more than a couple of years. Now, that would be fine if they were married or engaged with the intention of becoming pregnant immediately following vows and staying home with le bebes.

BUT. When you're young and single and have no prospects on the horizon and LOVE your work and this is what God is calling you to do, what's wrong with embracing your career?

I'd say nothing.

When this topic was presented as a potential for the NAS, I have to admit that I was a tad irked.

Mostly because when I hear "vocation", I automatically think about the different categories we Catholics segment ourselves into: single, married, religious.

So my mind interpreted the topic as "could your career possibly be the only thing you do for the rest of your life?"

But I would argue that there are two (or more) definitions of the word "vocation".

The first is Vocation as your "life path" or "the big V"...whether it be marriage, religious life, etc.

The second is vocation in the sense of what you're meant to do RIGHT NOW...whether that be a student, working professional, SAHM, etc.

So that brings us to the big question:

Can a career be your vocation?

Well, yes. Yes because I believe that we all have a path in life and every step on that path is going to be something different, something new.
My life right now is to thrive as a single person, working full-time.
It's my job RIGHT NOW to be the best campus mentor in central IL that I can be.
Because THAT is what God is calling me to be RIGHT NOW.

I can't sit waiting around worrying about working so hard that I'll miss out on Mr. Right because hellooooo if God is calling me to dive into my career, dontcha think He can pull me out to notice the guy who's trying to pursue me?

Now, with all of this comes discernment.
Constant prayer and "checking in" on where God wants you to go next.
It's naive of us to think that we can just take what God has handed us and run with it for the rest of our lives without ever looking up. The job I have right now might be where I'm supposed to be for a number of years, but if I'm not always seeking God's will, I might mistakenly miss out on a turn that I was supposed to take. I don't mean for this to sound like we shouldn't get enveloped in our work or dive headfirst into it, but with everything we should always be seeking the Lord's will.
Because His perfect will and perfect plan is what we should be seeking daily.

Whether or not I think that being a single person and "just" working for the rest of your life is a "big V" Vocation is a whole other topic.
But don't be afraid to be someone who works in her dream job for years before getting married.
Don't be afraid to break out of the mold and the expectations that you put on yourself.
Just because you're working and not married or dating or whatever longer than you thought you would be post-college doesn't mean that you'll never get married.

Let me tell you something, when I was 17 years old, I imagined that I would meet "the one" in college and at the very least be in a serious relationship when I graduated from college, if not engaged and planning a wedding. So imagine my surprise when lo and behold, here I am, 23, single, with a degree in Psychology working full-time in the pro-life movement, fundraising my salary, STILL living in central Illinois AND on my own.
This is not where I thought I would be at 23.
But with time and prayer and discernment, I've grown to love where I'm at and rather that fighting the Lord's plan, I've embraced it (most days), and tried to let go of my own plans and let God's perfect plan reign.
And at this moment, I believe that He still wants me here.
But He could tell me tomorrow or next week or next month that He wants me to go a different direction and if I TRUST in Him and His faithfulness, I will should allow Him to lead me wherever I am to be.

Does any of this make sense? I feel like I just brain-dumped a bunch of thoughts that have been going through my head and well, I'm too tired to go back and remove parts that might not fit. I pray that something in here will help you along your path.

So what do you think about this week's topic? Can careers be a vocation or even a Vocation? Write up a post and link-up over at Jen's! Can't wait to read what you all think!

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Next week's topic:

Fav Recipes... for one!

Link-up your favorite one-person meal recipes! It's hard to cook for one sometimes and we could all use some help!

October 15: Chastity as a Single Person

Physical or Emotional. What are your struggles? How do you overcome them?

October 22: Patience

Do you find yourself becoming really impatient, or struggling with your life to "really" begin? If so, how do you combat it? Do you do anything? How can we support one another in this area?

sitting waiting wishing....

....for some normalcy.

Perhaps you've noticed that really all I've been posting lately are my NAS contributions. Or maybe not.

Either way, world, I've been less-than-present for the past couple months for a couple of reasons:

1. I'm fundraising my salary.

2. I moved into my new apt Aug 1st....and haven't set up internet

BUT this week, I FINALLY got the interwebs connected in my new place. I'm uber happy and really did not think that I could make it this long. I don't have a data plan, so basically after I left work, I was without wifi.

Aaaaaand the library closes at 9PM, so from then on I was forced to do without.
Forced.

I read 5 Nicholas Sparks books in 2 weeks. No joke.

Actually, I semi-chose to wait. Since I'm travelling so much for work, it didn't really make sense to pay for wifi I wasn't using.

But I've reached my breaking point, so if I can ever drag myself away from the beauty that is Netflix (thanks Kevin and Liz for letting me use your account!!!), I'll be blogging a tad more often.
I do have 32 drafts I could work on....

However, I might be eating my own words since I'm still quite a ways away from being "fully funded" and have to keep going until that's done.

Shameless plug:
The Lord has been pushing me to use every possible resource at my fingertips (quite literally at this moment), it is now that I humbly ask that if you and yours are at all interested in joining my monthly support team and helping me to get back on campus, please contact me. I'm not going to post the info here to keep a semblance of privacy for my organization, but if you contact me directly, I would be more than thrilled to chat with you about how you can directly help to build a Culture of Life.

Thanks and I promise to write soon!!!

xo, mo

blessed.

I couldn't help but overhear a young girl (college aged) talking in a coffeeshop the other day about her entire faith life journey.

She was telling her friend about how her family jumped from church to church and how she struggled to ever find a place where she felt at home. Her family would choose different churches based on what they were looking for at that point in their lives but when they would outgrow a church, they'd move on.

It sounded like she had finally found a faith community that she loved, but there was so much hurt in her voice when she spoke of her past. That restlessness. That searching for "the right fit".

I sat there trying not to eavesdrop. Trying to pretend like I was actually working on work rather than listening to her story.

As I knelt in Adoration last night, I couldn't help but remember this conversation.
It's times like these that I'm reminded of how grateful for the Truth of the Catholic Church.
I feel so blessed to have been raised in the Church.
While I've had my own search for Truth and belonging, I always knew deep down that I could go to the Church for answers to my endless questions.

Thank you Jesus for your Church.
And thank you for your love.

Not Alone Series: "just friends"

Linking up over at Jen's today for another round of the Not Alone Series!

This is an age-old question that has been plaguing the minds of well-meaning men and women wayyy before Harry made it a thing:



And so here we are. Asking the same question of you all, and requesting your thoughts. And SURPRISE. I have some of my own. ;)

So. Can guys and gals be "just friends"?

Well, it depends. I know, I know...we all hate that answer.
"It depends". RELATIVISM! GAHHH!
buuuuut since we're dealing with what I don't believe to be a moral Truth issue, Imma let this one slide.

Ok, so why does it depend?

Welllll, I'm a firm believer that men and women CAN be friends with one another because I have some veryveryvery close guy friends. BUT there are a couple factors that come into play in order to make these relationships possible:

1. Within these relationships, neither of us have a romantic interest in the other.

2. I'm also very close with their wives/girlfriends.

This isn't to say that you can't be friends with someone who you've been romantically interested in at one point or another, but in my experience, I've only been able to have authentically close friendships with guy friends once our friendship becomes completely platonic (regardless if the initial feelings were one-sided or not). Additionally, when/if these guy friends have a significant other, the only way that I've been able to maintain that friendship is if I'm also close with her.

I've tried to be friends with guys who don't match one or both of the above factors, and it just ends up being awkward. And like Jen said, I just don't/didn't feel like I could be authentically me.

I have a couple examples.

First, one of my closest guy friends. I've known him for going on 5 years and he's truly like a big brother to me. I trust him and know that he'd be there for me, even if it meant driving 3 hrs in the middle of the night. He also happens to be married to one of my dearest girlfriends. We've known one another for 5 years and they live only a couple of blocks from me. We hang out a good amount each week, both one-on-one and the three of us, and now that they have a babe, I try to sneak over whenever I can ;)
But the point is, I'm able to be true friends with P and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I've never had romantic feelings for him AND that his wife knows me and trusts me. Even though I know that I'd NEVER try to break up any couple, distrust between you and your friend's wife/girlfriend can cause major issues.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is a guy who I'm technically friends with, but I feel uncomfortable with our relationship. He's a nice guy and all, but I always get the vibe that he likes me in a more-than-just-friends way. Maybe it's the 3+ Snapchats from him each day or the little comments he makes about us hanging out alone, etc. Regardless of what it is, I'm not interested and while I've made that clear (VERY explicitly clear), I still don't feel like I can call him up on any given night to grab a drink without him potentially getting the wrong idea.
And I know that our "friendship" is different from what I've had with other guys because I have a guy friend moving to town next month who I wouldn't hesitate to get dinner with multiple nights a week. (again, completely platonic and his girlfriend and I are bffs)

So, in summation, I do think it's possible to be friends with guys....clearly these friendship will look differently than those you have with other women, but I think that's a given. These friendships have taught me A LOT about being able to relate to guy problems and how to communicate with them....skills that I think will help me eventually when I find Mr. Morgan.

But I don't think it's as simple as people might think. I don't think women can be "just friends" with every guy. Many will have romantic interests and others may have girlfriends who you aren't friends with. And, like I said, these are two factors that I've found really determine your ability to have a true friendship with the opposite sex. Keep in mind that these are just my opinions based on my personal experience...I'm not saying you have to follow these guidelines when making guy friends, this is just what I've found to be consistent in my life.

What are your thoughts? Can girls be "just friends" with guys? Are there other components you think I missed? We'd love to hear it!

Link up at Jen's with your writings on being "just friends" with guys!

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Next week's topic:

Favorite Resources

Are there any books, songs, prayers, etc that have helped you during this time of your life? Sharing is caring!

8/6: Envy and Singlehood 
Interpret as you will....

8/13: CHALLENGE TIME! 
So...you think you are called to marriage? What are you doing about it? Go to a young adults activity! Sign up for CatholicMatch.com! Do SOMETHING that allows you to take an active part in writing your story. Praying is important, and we love writing about our thoughts and feelings, but we need to be doing more than just that! God won't just hand everything to us, we've got to make an effort as well!
Or....feeling that religious life is where you're headed? Maybe reach out to a community you're interested in! Have coffee with a sister from another community! Pray, duh. But, it's important to be active in your search for God's will.
On 8/13 we'll all be talking about what we did and how it went!
What's a community without challenging each other?? Can't wait to hear about it!


Again, Jen and I really really REALLY need your ideas for more topics! We've received a few great ones, but please don't be shy! We're hosting the linkup, but we really want everyone to be involved. Please email us or comment on our posts about things you would like to discuss. No topic is out of the question!

Not Alone Series: Despair and Vocations

Thanks to Amanda for suggesting this week's topic!

It is SO easy to feel alone, lost, and forgotten when you so ardently believe that you know what your vocation is meant to be but it just doesn't seem to be happening yet. I don't have all of the answers because I struggle with this kind of despair A LOT and expect/hope to learn more this week from others than be able to lend any advice, but I would like to share some wisdom from others I've picked up along the way.

Those of you who follow me on twitter or are my FB friend (only a few of you out there, I think :) might have seen that last week Tuesday, my grandmother passed away. The wake and funeral were on Sunday and Monday, respectively. Grandma's passing was one of those unexpectedly expected events.
We knew Grandma was slowing down, and had begun to tell everyone that she was ready to pass on from this life.
We knew that her health took a nosedive early last week.
Yet, we didn't expect for her to go so quickly.

And while these past few days have been extremely difficult, I've had the opportunity to reevaluate the way I approach my life currently. It's so easy to waste away your days wishing for something that you don't have and wanting each day that stands between you and your future to pass by quickly. But upon standing back and looking at your life, it's so important to realize that today was yesterday's future. Did you waste yesterday wishing for today? Or did you make the most of the current moment to prepare for tomorrow?

This reevaluation isn't just for you, it's something I have to continually remind myself of.

Another part of the despair of waiting for my "vocation to begin" (the idea of which I kind of hate because aren't we all living out a daily vocation, regardless of our relationship status?? ...another topic for another time...), is the despair that comes from comparing my life to those of others.

At the moment, I struggle most with comparing my life to those of my friends who are engaged or married or married with children. It's especially difficult when I realize that these people are my age and have been married for X number of years and have X number of children.
It's SO EASY to feel completely behind the ball!
I end up sitting back and having projections of my life as an old maid with 50 cats all named "Baby" and freaking out whilst wondering if it's time to join CatholicMatch.com.

Aaaaand then I give my self a mental slap in the face and remember that I'm only 23.
But more than that, even if I were 33 or 43 or 53 and single, the most important thing to remember that this is my story.
MY story.
No one else's.

Yes, my life looks different from my best friend from grade school. (married for 3 years)
Yes, my life looks different from my freshman year dorm-mate. (married 10 months, just had a baby)
YES, my life look different from my best friend from college. (dating a cowboy in TX...literally)
DUH.
That's how it's supposed to be!

It's so easy to think you're not pretty enough or not funny enough or not good enough when at 21 most of your friends were engaged and you were there twiddling your thumbs and just trying to find a friend to do jello shots with. *guilty*
But that's the beauty of life! No one's story is the same, and if we all had the same story, how freaking boring would that be?!

So ladies (and gentlemen?), don't doubt yourself. Trust in the Lord and in His timing and try to enjoy life right now. It doesn't last forever and the future is coming up quick (tomorrow.).

So looking forward to reading your thoughts on vocations and dispelling despair! Link up below, please include a link back to THIS POST and check out Jen's post (it's pretty awesome, just sayin')

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Next week's topic:

Who are you right now as a young, single woman?

(here is a blurb from Alex, who emailed this suggestion to help you see what we mean and to get your juices flowing)

We place so much of our identity in other people, in their reactions and responses to us, in whether they take the time to text us or like our status on Facebook. We desire approval more today than ever, and we seek it constantly. So what happens when you’re removed from the reactions of other people and you’re left sitting alone on a bench by the bay with no reaction or encounter except those from God?

I’ll tell you what happens. You begin to meet yourself. Because the truth of your personhood is how you are seen in the eyes of God, and it’s never more revealed to you than when you take time to leave everyone else in the world and to ask him who you are. I thought I was alone when I moved to St. Augustine in August, but what I really had was the most intimate time with God I'll probably ever know, and it’s revealed several things about who I am that I never really saw.

you are just fine.

A girl who works in my building got engaged last week (in PARIS. holy wow.) I'm so incredibly excited for her and her fiance to venture into this new part of their lives together.

While chatting today about the upcoming plans and excitement around this engagement time, one of the ladies in the office said something that stuck with me all day. She started talking about how she can remember when she and her husband became engaged and how she felt this overwhelming feeling of relief and that she "finally felt settled...I was no longer looking, waiting, wondering, anticipating...I finally felt content."

Now, you might be able to imagine how awkward it was for me to stand there as the only non-married or engaged (or even dating) person and take all of this in. In some ways, I can identify with those feelings and I struggle with them daily....this feeling of restlessness that Jen has talked about. And it's a challenge for me to rise above it and live my day to the fullest, regardless of those feelings. However, how has it become the norm for us to believe that in order to be complete, in order to be settled and content, that we need to be with someone else?

Over the past couple of weeks, I've seen a lot of my close family friends and extended family, and one thing that really got under my skin was how many people teased me about still being single and saying things like "when are you going to get married?"

...well, as far as I've been told, you've gotta get a willing partner before jumping on that train....

All of these people are well meaning, and are simply curious about what's happening in my life. Yet, it makes it so. hard. to convince myself that I'm happy and content and settled when the consensus around me is that I shouldn't be because I haven't found the love of my life yet.

NEWS FLASH

I'm 22.
Going on 23 (next week).
I. am. young.
I have A LOT of time.

And so yes, while I desire for that next part of my life to begin sometime in the near-ish future, I am just fine. And if there are any young, single girls reading this who also feel immensely called to marriage but it just hasn't happened yet, that's okay! You're fine just as you are, where you are right. now.

You are not broken. You are not lost. You are not left behind.

I told Jen that I think there needs to be some kind of support group for single women desiring marriage, and I still think that'd be cool. Or maybe a series of posts talking about various struggles within this stage of life? I don't know. Cindy at The Veil of Chastity does a beautiful job ministering to single women, and I hope to someday do the same as a married woman, however, while I'm where I'm at, why not try to do what I can?

Please let me know if this is anything you'd be interested in or know someone who might be...pass this along to them!

Know of my prayers for y'all!

xo, Morgan

Discerning Religious Life - Guest Post

The following is a guest post from a good friend of mine, Hannah, who will be entering religious life with the Servants of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and Mary in Miami, FL. Thank you Hannah for sharing your story with us!

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Hannah (L) with Mother Adela, SCTJM

“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord, my spirit rejoices in God my Savior for he has looked with favor on his lowly servant.” Luke 1:46-47 

This perfectly describes how my heart feels. I am overjoyed in the Lord and so grateful for the beautiful gift of my vocation.

I first heard the call to be a religious- and was actually open to it- while I was on a mission trip in Miami, FL last summer. While I was on the mission trip I went to an all night prayer vigil put on by the Servants of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and Mary. The vigil is done every year in honor of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary to pray for the sanctification of priests and an increase in vocations. 
It was there that the Lord started asking me to be all His. 

I didn’t really understand that at the time, but I knew I just needed to trust in what the Lord was doing. Throughout the week I was in Miami I kept asking the Lord what was going on. Finally the last day I was in Miami I said to the Lord that if He was calling me one of the Sisters was just going to have to say something to me. No more than ten minutes later I was walking across the street and some of the sisters pulled up in their car. They started getting out of the car and one of the sisters said to me “You’re going to be a nun.” 

WHOA! The Lord could not have been more clear with me!

The Lord has called me to live my vocation with the Servants of the Pierced Hearts of Jesus and Mary. 

By entering this community I will be participating in the charism “To be a living image and presence of the Heart of Mary in the heart of the Church and place our Marian charism at the service of the Petrine principle.” This means that we are to be other Marys in the world in our loving and faithful service to the Church and to be witnesses to the splendors of the faith and to build a civilization of love and life.

Although I have answered the Lord with an excited and willing ‘yes’ there is still one obstacle to my entrance to the community…my student loans. Actually about half of the aspirants to religious life and the priesthood face the same obstacle. I have been blessed to partner with an organization called The Labouré Society that helps people like me overcome student loans through fundraising. I am fundraising along with 16 other women and men who desire to follow God’s call, but are blocked by student loans.

Will you please consider joining us as we follow the Lord’s call for our lives?

Hannah and Morgan at Winter Jam 2012

Please know of my prayers for you and your family!

If you want more information on The Labouré Society please visit their website!

May the love of the Pierced Hearts reign in your hearts!

Hannah

rest in peace, little one

After resolving to appreciate each and every day this year, I was hit with some heart-wrenching news this morning.

About a half an hour before we left for mass this morning, my mom received a call that our cousin - and my goddaughter - Veronica Mary, had passed away. She was barely a month old.

I ask for your prayers for our family, as we're falling apart at the seams. I have confidence that our Lord has a plan in the midst of this heartbreaking time, but it is very hard to accept that a beautiful and seemingly healthy baby could be taken from us so quickly.

Thank you in advance. Mary, Mother of God, pray for us!

white blank page

I was going to try to be witty about the new year but decided against it. You're welcome.

If you've been following along for awhile, you'll probably remember seeing a string of posts related to my frustration with "the plan"...meaning the plan that God has for my life. Don't get me wrong, I like my life....heck, I even love it sometimes...but like most people, I have an idea of what I'd like my life to look like or what I want my life to be and needless to say, the current sitch isn't exactly what I wanted/expected/preferred.

But now I'm just getting annoyed with myself....

In less than 12 hours, we'll be in 2013. A new year. A fresh slate. A white blank page. And as "they" say, the perfect time to make a change.
Full disclosure: I usually hate New Years Resolutions.

What sort of change, you might ask? It's more of a mindset than anything else.
More like a decision.

The decision to be happy.
The decision to revel in all the good that is in the here and now.
The decision to just be.

Overall, I am a happy person. But have you ever had one of those days when you go to bed feeling whole, feeling complete, feeling totally satisfied? And you're thinking "wow. that was a GREAT day."
I want that every.single.day.

I know that not everyday will be perfect. I know that not everything goes perfectly all the time.
But I believe that every day, we have the chance to make the choice to have a good attitude. To embrace the good of today and not focus on what we wish tomorrow will bring.

And so, in 2013 I will choose happiness. I will choose to be content in the here and now. I will choose to love my life exactly as it is and trust God to put the rest of the pieces together.

Happy New Year! And congratulations to the Patton clan on their new arrival!

Do you have a resolution? I'd love to hear it :)

growing in virtue: vulnerability

I had a dream a few nights ago in which my husband was with me. He asked me to dance and I felt more loved and complete than I ever have. Just thinking about it now makes my heart flutter.

I know that I shouldn't wait around feeling like I'm missing a part of myself, and thinking that a man will make me feel "whole". And I assure you, I don't...for I know that only the Lord and being in full communion with The Church can bring that "wholeness". And I do believe that one should be content in who they are in their own before venturing into a new relationship because attempting to fill a God-sized hole in your heart with a human just won't work.

But all of this doesn't completely take away the longing for union with one's spouse. Receiving the sacraments and praying takes the edge off, but that nagging ache is still there. And its so hard because in my experience, people's advice has been to pray for your husband and offer up your suffering for him. And I do that, and it is fruitful.

But I have another solution.

Letting God into all of the hurt, the anger, the loneliness...our God is big enough to take it!
Yell, cry, beg, whatever it takes to SHOW Him how you truly feel.
So often, I think we don't say outright how we truly feel to the Lord because we either assume that He already knows (which He does), we think we can't be mad at him and show him our raw emotions (we can) or we believe that by opening up to our Savior and not pushing down those emotions, we're weak (we're not).

Yes, our Lord already knows how we feel, but I truly believe that He wants us to admit it to Him. Just like a wife might know that her husband loves her, she still wants to hear it from him.

Perhaps we shouldn't have a rage fest in Adoration, but telling Him "I'm mad at you" isn't a sin...as long as that doesn't cause you to turn away from Him...and in fact, I've found that only after I sob myself silly and tell Him that I'm frustrated with Him can I get over it. By identifying and declaring exactly what your problem is, you will be able to work on it and heal. Pushing your hurt under the rug isn't helping you to grow into the woman your husband deserves.

And being vulnerable with our Lord isn't at all a sign of weakness, but rather strength! Reaching out for help is not anything to be ashamed of, especially when our Lord is the greatest doctor of all! To think that asking for help is a sign of weakness is like saying that an alcoholic who is seeking treatment is weak! Of course not! In fact, most people would commend their strength in finding healing! So why is that not true with God?

Praying for others, especially your husband, is beautiful and selfless. However, if we don't seek to fix our own problems, if we don't seek to fill our own cups, how are we to ever be prepared to give to our husbands? I often have to remind myself that there's a reason why my husband and I haven't found one another yet. And the only logical explanation is that its because either he's not ready or I'm not ready. So why not make best of this time and prepare? Especially in this time of Advent, let us take the example of Joseph and Mary as they prepared for the coming of our Lord. And so too should we take on the mantle of our Mother and prepare our hearts for receiving our husbands.