living {life} as it is

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, 
he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." 

- John 15:5 -

"For those of you who are married, imagine your life without your spouse. For those of you with children, imagine your life, it's impossible, without your children."

My pastor began his homily on Sunday with these words. Well intended, to be sure, as he began to discuss what our lives would be without God and this comparison would help to conceptualize this lack for the congregation. Yet, unexpectedly, I was overcome with a wave of tears as I thought:

"What about me?! I don't have any of that!"

Immediately, my mind was swept away from the current moment, the beauty of the Mass, and taken to a place I long to be. A place where I hold a sweet child in my arms, a place where the comfort of my husband's arm encircles us both. Surrounded by my loving and vibrant parish community where seemingly hundreds of couples were living this reality with their hundreds of babies, I was overcome by my aching heart.

This is a constant struggle for me: presence in the current moment. How quickly am I able to forget about my present, my present which is very full.

I'm easily distracted by the lives of others. I constantly compare where I am to where friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, etc. are.

Other women my age who are having their first, second, third! child.

Other women my age who are getting engaged or married.

Other women my age who are moving up the corporate ladder, gaining prestige, wealth, and power.

Other women my age who are travelling to places I long to see, experiencing a life I wish I could afford the time or expense to live.

I'm easily overcome with wishing I had what any, or all of them, have....and lose sight of how much I love what I have.

I love where I live; my town and everything it has to offer.

I love my work, my co-workers, and why we do what we do.

I love the travels I've taken, the opportunities I've had, and the trips I'm planning.

I love the relationships I've cultivated, the friends I've made, the stories we can tell.

I love the independence my current life holds, with all it's unpredictability and freedom.

The lives of other women my age are wonderful and beautiful and blessed.

And so is mine.

As a result of my recent birthday - 25! ah! - I've been hit once again with the reality that where I am in my life is not at all where I had hoped, or anticipated. But, this isn't an inherently sorrowful reality.

What would be a sorrowful reality is if I wasted these present moments living in and for the future.

I've finally, truly found a place in my life where I'm content. I know who I am, where I am, and where/who I want to be. Why can't I just sit in that and be content?! If I believe that He has a plan for my life, then I must also believe that this time is also part of His plan! These aches and pains are perhaps simply His pruning of the branches.

These desires of my heart, placed there by God, for marriage and children - ah, and these are such present desires! -  are good and pure, but they are not the end-all-be-all. 

I'm still coming to accept and embrace that my vocation, right now and forever, is to live fully as a follower of Christ. This is not dependent upon my relationship status. Nor is the need for me to grow and evolve into the woman God made me to be.

Regardless of if I'm single, dating, engaged, or married, I'm called to live for Christ every day and love Him above all else. Losing sight of that will only make His pruning more difficult.

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Linking up with the Blessed is She community!

Not Alone Series: Loneliness

We all have times when we feel alone. What are ways that you combat loneliness? Pray? Join a group? How can we encourage each other to stay positive? 

Thanks to Laura P!

I was just minding my own business, perusing Facebook, when a post by CatholicTV's Encounter caught my eye. Naturally, I clicked, and imagine my surprise when I hear the following intro to this month's Encounter episode:

"Welcome to the February edition of Encounter. Well, it is February, the month of Valentine's and a lot of people may be thinking about their relationships and about love. For many people who are single, this may not be a time of year that they get particularly excited about but this month we're going to talk to two Catholic single women who are excited about sharing their experiences in the single life with other women in the Not Alone Series."

Ok, y'all. Throughout this intro, I was cracking up. Literally. Doubling over, holding-my-side laughing.

Back in September, Jen and I traveled to Boston to talk about the Not Alone Series on This is the Day, and while there, we did mini-interviews for another CatholicTV show, Encounter. Little did I know that our interviews would be featured during the "month of love".

Hilarious!

And how fitting, too, that we have this week's topic, right before V-Day itself?!

Loneliness: a feeling, or state of being, that everyone has encountered at one time or another, but one that few people enjoy talking about.

Have you ever mentioned feeling lonely and the people around you congratulate you? Or given you a high five?

No. More often than not, it's a difficult emotion to address. And most times, I've experienced others feeling sorry for me.

Well, as "nice" as that is, people feeling bad for me doesn't help the situation. If anything, it just reminds me to never talk about my loneliness because this only leads to awkward conversations and attempts to console without knowing what to do in order to change the problem.

You see, the Not Alone Series, as I tell in my Encounter interview, began as a response to this loneliness. The loneliness, specifically, that results from feeling that you're the only person who knows what you're going through.

As much as we have created this community to address the need for solidarity, and I hope it has brought comfort to those we were trying to serve, this loneliness still exists.

I know this all too well. Despite how much I enjoy my life and am attempting to live it very fully, the loneliness creeps in.

It creeps in after I come home from work and am reminded that, like every night before, I am alone.

It creeps in during a fun night out, when I'm reminded that many of my dear friends have what I do not yet experience.

It creeps in at a family event, when I'm hand my cousin his daughter and witness the love that is shared between him and his wife.

I don't have someone to vent to about my frustrations, or share in my joys, or help to bear my burdens.

I feel that I have so much love and attention and affection and time to give, but to who?

This loneliness can overwhelm us, if we allow it. And I've allowed it to do so, from time to time. I don't want it to consume me, but it's pull is real.

What's a girl to do?

The only solution that's helped me to diminish this loneliness is to run to the Lord and Him alone. He is the only one who can comfort me, who can love me, who can understand me the way I need.

The surest way to continue feeling lonely is for me to continue distancing myself from God.

But, remember, this only diminishes the problem, it doesn't eliminate it. So, it helps to have other things in your life, in addition to your relationship with the Lord, to take your mind off of these feelings.

- Good friends, those who share your interests or hobbies. This differs from the friends we've all had who only want to talk about who's dating who and who you're dating, etc. 

- Hobbies! The best way for me to forget about being alone at home is trying to teach myself guitar (it isn't working, by the way) or working out or cooking or reading, etc etc etc.

- Learn to love your own company. Find your happy place, alone. Maybe this starts as a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine after work. Maybe this evolves into adventuring on your own, either in your town or elsewhere. Regardless, learning to enjoy your "me" time can be extremely helpful in realizing that being "alone" does not equate "loneliness".

But, sometimes, we need to let ourselves feel what we're feeling. Keeping busy and trying not to think about what you're feeling for an extended amount of time isn't healthy. We mustn't become numb to the longing of our hearts. Sometimes, it's theraputic for us to acknowledge our loneliness and let ourselves feel it. For it is only when we face something head on and allow ourselves to be that we can learn to thrive despite opposition.

Something important to understand, too, is that loneliness doesn't simply evaporate after marriage. It will still creep in, still find it's way into your heart. So if we can learn to acknowledge and adapt to our loneliness, that will only help us in the future. 

How do you deal with loneliness in your life? Please share with us in the comments below or link up your post!

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Next week's topic:

Spiritual Writings

What are some of your favorite or go-to books, devotionals or even blogs that help encourage you in your spiritual life?

2/24: TRAVEL! 
How do you travel as a single lady?! Any tips or tricks you'd like to share? Do you have anything fun planned for this year?

3/3: Dating Fast
Most of us have heard about them, but have you ever done a dating fast? If so, what was your experience? If you haven't, would you consider doing one? Why or why not?

Not Alone Series: 2015

How are we going to make 2015 different than last year? What goals are you planning/making to be more YOU this year? These can be goals can be personal growth, spiritual life, physical/health, or even your love life! Maybe you don't have concrete ones yet, but it helps to talk them out and get motivated!

There's something about a new year - a new start, a new beginning.

I'm not the biggest proponent of new years resolutions...mainly because people tend to take on too much at once. However, I'm a big fan of continuously improving and growing, so manageable and realistic goals? I'm all about that [bass].

Going into 2015, there was a restlessness on my heart, a burden of sorts. Something I couldn't quite shake.

As I searched my soul for what this could be, there was a constant theme of being tired of trying.

I'm tired of trying to put myself out there and trying to find my husband and trying to always be "on" and trying to try...it's all exhausting. The constant voice in my head saying that I'm not enough, that I'm not quite there yet. No more.

What I want for 2015? 

To try in the only thing that will be constant in my life forever: my relationship with God.

I want to focus on being His and Him being mine. I want to allow myself to be content with that. I must let Him love me and show me how He sees me.

This is first and foremost. My relationship with Christ, and my love for Him, needs to always be the center of my life, and I haven't been living in this way for quite some time.

Along with my desire for fuller union with God comes the desire to be more of who He made me to be.

In total honesty with you all, I am horrible at taking care of my body. My hygiene is fine, thanks...no, I mean health-wise. My eating and exercise habits need a major makeover.

So far, I've been pleased with the changes I'm making. It's hard to eat crap when all you let yourself buy a the grocery store is greenery. And getting up early to work out is rough...I'm really not a morning person. But it's amazing how alert you can be after a decent amount of sleep.

Rejuvenating my bond with the Lord is happening slowly but surely. Baby steps, but ones that count.

Daily mass. Regular rosary. Spiritual reading before bed. Prayer right when I wake up. Prayer right before I sleep.

This all comes down to routine and discipline. Your prayers for my success in continuing these changes would be much appreciated!

What are you seeking to change or improve in 2015? Any hopes or dreams for the year? Share your post by linking below! Be sure to link back here and to Jen's post as well!

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Next week's topic:

Children and Babes

Do you have children in your life? What is your relationship with them like? Do you have godchildren, and how do you form a relationship with them? Does having children in (or not in) your day-to-day life make you feel happy, wistful, or wary (of having your own someday)? 

Thanks to Lindsay!

1/27: Selfies
Do you support the selfie trend? Do you think it promotes self absorption, vanity and narcissism? Is there a way to incorporate selfies into the Church's teachings of modesty, authentic beauty, humility?
Thanks to Hannah!

2/3: Qualities in our Husbands
What are the qualities and characteristics that you are looking for in your future husband? We have talked about what we don't want (link to deal breakers), but it's good to have an idea of those things that are important to us. Discerning religious life? This applies to communities, as well!

Not Alone Series: Thanksgiving

In what ways are we thankful?! Write about anything you want under this theme! Do you have any family traditions that help you to be mindful of the blessings in your life?

I LOVE holidays. Good food, good smells, dressing up. It's all good.

But the best part? The family time.

I don't know about you, but the older I've grown, the more I appreciate the quality time I get with my family. With 3 younger siblings, each in 3 different cities and 3 different states, we rarely see each other. So you can imagine my excitement as Thanksgiving has grown closer. It's something like this:

I LOVE Thanksgiving. Autumn in and of itself is delightful: scarves, dresses, tights, boots...AH! 

Throw in some turkey, stuffing, gravy, PUMPKIN PIE, sweet potatoes, and vegging out with the fam. 

Perfection.

My extended family always gets together for Thanksgiving, and while there have been some modifications to this year's plans - I'm doing my best to not be all "BUT TRADITION!" - we're still all getting together and that's what counts, right? Yep. 

This year's changes, while I've been annoyed and frustrated for some time, remind me of the need to be more flexible AND that I must be grateful regardless of the circumstances. Truth be told, I do not prefer to spend my extended-family-Thanksgiving extravaganza at a banquet hall/bowling alley. However, any family time is good time and I must be grateful for that. Rather than being grumpy about the changes, I need to enjoy the time with my loved ones and thank God that I have them.

In regards to other traditions, we usually do the customary everyone-say-something-they're-thankful-for thing, but I heard of a different spin on that this weekend which I might try to implement. A friend told of how his family goes around and each person has to say something they're thankful for about each person at the table. This might get lengthy, but it might be fun for my immediate family Thanksgiving celebration!

The Church does a great job of constantly reminding us to give thanks. In each Mass we are reminded to give thanks for what we have been blessed with and just to be thankful for the Lord's love and mercy. But Thanksgiving is a wonderful time for true reflection, and real reveling in the goodness of family time.

I'm always thankful for my family, but Thanksgiving is specifically a time when I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the love and companionship in my family. It's also a good time to reflect on the past year and realize that I have a pretty great life. A good job, a warm place to live, good friends...perhaps I should have more gratitude for these blessings in the day to day....

I pray that you have a blessed Thanksgiving and hope that you're able to spend it with loved ones!

How will you be spending your Thanksgiving? Share with us what you're thankful for in the comments or attach your post below!

PSA: If you emailed Jen and I about being paired up with a prayer partner, we will contact you later today!

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Next week's topic:

Preparing the Way! 

{NAS Advent post}

Happy Advent! How do you prepare your heart, home, etc. for the coming of the Lord? Are there specific recipes or traditions you partake in? Share with us how you are making way for our newborn King!

Dream big, kid.

My boss asked me recently if I've ever experienced one of my dreams coming to fruition.

The dream that first came to mind made me laugh. My boss, being curious, wanted to know what I thought of. Preceding my story with "this is really silly", I told him of my dream in 1st grade to go on a date with one specific cute boy. 10 years later, I experienced that dream.

Silly.

My boss laughed, and asked if I had a different, perhaps more meaningful, dream. And I do, believe me, I do. Some of these dreams have come to be. Some have yet to be fulfilled.

My dream to date that boy, well, looking back seems silly. And yet, when I think of the daydreams that occupy my mind these days, I'm slightly embarrassed to admit that they aren't too different.

How often do I dream of the day my Prince Charming and I will ride off into the sunset?
How many times have I wished and hoped and prayed that this new guy I'm talking to is "the one"?
How much brain power do I waste on willing a cute guy at the coffee shop to stop his coy glances and COME AND TALK TO ME ALREADY?

Sheesh. To quote Elizabeth Bennet, " Is that really all you think about?!"

In truth, no.
But in truth again, I think about this A LOT.

It's natural to long for the things our hearts desire. It's natural to wonder and hope about what the future holds.

But how about taking it a bit deeper?

How about dreaming about a better world around me?
Or dreaming up a new way I can serve my fellow humans?
Or what if I dreamt up a project to build the Kingdom and saw THAT to fruition?

People say all the time "as soon as you stop looking, that's when he'll show up!" The problem I have with this is that there's a big difference between truly immersing yourself in life and just pretending you are with the hopes of that "working".

I want to dream big. I want to change the world.
Yes, above everything else, I desire to get to Heaven and believe that God intends me to get there via marriage. However, I know He has many plans for me in the meantime.

And who knows, maybe I'll meet Mr. Right while seeing through a different dream.

Not Alone Series: The Struggle Bus

What ways do you run to implore the Lord's help when you are struggling? Do you always spend time in Adoration? Do you dive into the bible? Automatically go to Confession? Could you be better? How? And what about those times when things are good and you are joyous? Do you still give the Lord your time?

Ok, ladies. I have a confession to make.

When Jen and I were making this year's NAS topic schedule, I wasn't super pumped about this topic. Then with how things worked out with trading off topics, and I realized that I'd be hosting for this particular topic, I thought to myself: "well, I don't know what I'll say here...I haven't been in a slump/rut/funk for awhile..."

God knew better.

The past several weeks I've been a regular on the Struggle Bus. It's hard for me to pin-point specifically what is wrong. I hate this, because as a natural sanguine, extrovert, ENFP, etc. I feel the need to be constantly "on". At least, when I'm around people. But internally, I'm exhausted. What's the deal, Morgan?!

Maybe it's my perpetual singleness.

Perhaps it's a restlessness in my work and the unknown future.

Or maybe I simply need to get off my butt and be more physically active.

Or....maybe it's the lack of a spiritual rhythm in my life.

There was a time when daily mass was a given. When I'd spend at least an hour of my busy day devoted to our Lord. When HE was the center of my life.

Hm. Yep, that could be it.

A couple weeks ago, I finished Jason Evert's book on St. JPII. Wow.

Since then, I've been working my way through a couple of encyclicals: The Splendor of Truth and God is Love. Both have such genuine Truth.

And in teaching CCD on Sunday mornings, I'm learning more about salvation history than I ever did as a child.

This is all well and good...reading the Bible, lives of the saints, and the writings of our Church leaders.

BUT. Without our SOURCE AND SUMMIT at the center of my daily life, I'm empty. Lost.

Without our Lord LITERALLY within me, getting through the day is rough.

So I need to make some changes. And pray for the discipline to stick to them.

How do you get through slumps like this? Do you have any tips or tricks? I'm honestly asking.

Link up below!

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Next week's topic:

Prayer Altar/Corner

How do you pray at home? Do you have a special place in your house? How do you make that area special? Comfy chair? Icons? Prayer cards? What suggestions do you have to make a home altar? If you don't do this, in what ways can you begin?

11/25: Thanksgiving! :)
In what ways are we thankful?! Write about anything you want under this theme! Do you have any family traditions that help you to be mindful of the blessings in your life?

12/2: Preparing the Way! {NAS Advent post}
Happy Advent! How do you prepare your heart, home, etc. for the coming of the Lord? Are there specific recipes or traditions you partake in? Share with us how you are making way for our newborn King!

Passion, sex, and the Church

I recently heard of a conversation a friend had with a young man who'd made some interesting remarks regarding sex and the Catholic church. This had been sparked by the question of "are you pro-life?" and quickly turned from a question of whether abortion was wrong to why the Church wants to deprive people from experiencing the pleasures of sex.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and just want to respond to a couple of points that this young man made.


"It seems like the Church just wants to remove passion from sex..."

I can understand why, from the outside, it might look like this. The Church is very firm in her teaching that sex is only to be enjoyed within marriage. But, see what I just said? Enjoyed.

God created sex! And He created it to be pleasurable! He created it this way for us! Sex is pleasurable for a reason: because it is good. However, pleasure always has limits. Dr. Janet Smith gives a talk, Contraception: Why Not?, in which she explains why sex is a naturally good action.

Dr. Smith says:

"There are lots of things that have pleasure attached to them. Pleasure is not the purpose; pleasure is the motive; pleasure is the consequence; but it's not the purpose. As a matter of fact, God attached pleasure to the things that he really wants us to do, that are necessary for our survival and for our happiness. So, it's pleasurable to eat and it's pleasurable to drink and it's pleasurable to sleep and it's pleasurable to exercise, and it's pleasurable to have sexual intercourse. It's pleasurable. That's not the purpose."

And she goes on to say:

"So, God attached pleasure to everything he wanted us to do for, not our salvation, so much, as just our well-being. But we have to do it at the right time, and the right place, and in the right manner, with the right person, etc., etc. — in the right way. Sure, eating is pleasurable, but there are limits to what you should be eating. Sexual intercourse is pleasurable, but there are limits to what you should be doing, and you have to seek that pleasure in accord with the nature and reality of what you're dealing with."

So here's the thing: it's not that the Church is trying to remove pleasure or passion from sex, rather, she simply wants it to be experienced in an ordered fashion.

And who's to say that passion isn't a factor in married sex? Arleen Spenceley recently interviewed a sex therapist who noted that if you're saving sex for marriage, you're likely talking with your significant other about sex issues, and better communication can lead to better sex in the long run.

Sure, if you're aware that you're ovulating and are attempting to avoid pregnancy for a grave reason, being "in the mood" and abstaining is really difficult. This is where the argument for contraception (which is horrible for a woman's body - another topic for another time) comes into play...sex is never off limits and could be viewed as more spontaneous.

However, there's this thing called delayed gratification. Scientifically, depriving yourself from something that you really desire causes more appreciation and enjoyment when you finally are able to experience whatever you were avoiding.

The Natural Family Planning Teacher's Association says that NFP, "because of more frequent communication about intimate sexual matters, increases the relationship skills of love and affection - the expression and experience of love, warmth, and mutual attraction between the couple." 

Well that doesn't sound like the Church desires for married couples to remove passion from sex! Rather, by encouraging NFP and saving sex for marriage, it seems to me that the Church is trying to help married couples enjoy better sex! Interesting!


"But I'm still young...I'm just not sure if I want to give that up..."

Again, I can understand this, to a degree. Especially if one has already experienced the enjoyment of sex, the idea of locking it up until who-knows-when could seem like torture.

Here's something else to think about. Sex is pleasurable, yes? And sex was made to be pleasurable, yes?

Let's assume that I want to get married and intend to stay married for the rest of my life. Let's also assume that I've had a few sexual partners prior to marriage and have therefore experienced the pleasures of sex.

If I've had sex with many different men, if I've been *ahem* pleasured, by many different men, and view sex as simply a means to finding pleasure, who's to say that this attainment of pleasure should stay within marriage? If I see sex as merely a way to pleasure myself, and my husband is no longer pleasuring me, what should keep me from seeking that pleasure elsewhere?

I see this attitude toward sex as being potentially dangerous within a marriage. Society and the Church alike say that sex is an important part to a healthy marriage. However, the difference is that the Church doesn't see sex as the crux of a relationship.

If for some reason, whether it be illness, energy levels, available time, etc., sex doesn't occur as frequently as is ideal or perhaps isn't as pleasurable as one would like, this is not a reason to seek this pleasure elsewhere. Communication about barriers to a preferable enjoyment of sex within marriage is essential during these times!

I think a big part of accepting this teaching of the Church is personal maturity. Someone who is unwilling to "give up" sex is likely not mature enough to consider marriage.

Marriage requires sacrifice. It requires dying to oneself every single day. Someone who is unwilling to sacrifice prior to marriage is likely to be unwilling to sacrifice within marriage.

That's my two cents...what do you think? How would you respond to someone who makes these statements? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

to the younger singles

**this post is simply an analysis of my own thoughts/feelings, not a response to comments from others**

Something's been bothering me for weeks now and I have to get it off my chest.

Recently, I've felt guilty for feeling sad or upset or forlorn about being single because I'm still "young".

I talk to other women (and men!) who are several years older than I am, and while they lament about their being single and their longing for their vocation, I nod along...completely understanding where they're coming from. I too feel that pain.
But then they look at me and say, "Oh, but you're still so young. You have plenty of time."

Ok, so I'm aware that I'm only 23. (I'll be 24 next month.)

But does that mean that my aching, my longing, for marriage is less valid? 
Does my age mean that I can't possibly comprehend how an "older" single must feel?
Does it prevent me from truly understanding your pain?

Is it because I talk of living in "the now"?
Is it because I attempt to find joy in the everyday, regardless of the fact that my life is not what I expected?
Is it because my "biological clock" still has time?
(By the way, that's totally insensitive to assume. You don't know the details of my biology.)

"You're so young. You have plenty of time."

Friend, that doesn't make me feel any better.
If anything, it makes me question whether or not I can be open and honest with you about my sufferings as I, too, am waiting to live out my vocation. If anything, instead of helping us to grow in solidarity as fellow singletons, I feel bad about my longing for marriage and everything that comes with it because somehow, you seem to be telling me that everything I'm experiencing isn't as bad as it is for you. Because I'm younger.

Now, I must clarify that these feelings of guilt aren't always perpetrated by someone older than myself. Occasionally, someone will express "oh, I thought it was bad when I was single in college/right after college/in my mid-twenties, but now that I'm {insert older age here}, oh, it's unbearable!"
I know they're only sharing their feelings, and they should! I'm glad they feel comfortable enough to express their raw emotions!
But in my head, I think, "oh my gosh, maybe they think that my feelings are silly...maybe they are silly, I mean, I'm not even 25...but I do desperately long for marriage...but if I share that will they think I'm silly?"

Granted, these thoughts can be created just by my own judgement of what I expect others to perceive of me. Though they might have previous experience linked to them, I'm positive that many of my friends who are older than I and unmarried rarely think this about me.
(I would say "never think", but "never" is fairly presumptuous)

But friends, as much as I attempt to live life to the fullest, and I write on this here blog about "living in the now" and "experiencing today"...well, it isn't easy. As much as I do believe all of that, and I pray that even if I am still single at 30, 35, etc. I will hold onto the same hope I have today, living this out isn't simple.
I do not mean to make it sound easy.
Living as a faithful Catholic who's desperately attempting every day to not be bitter and angry about not being married yet is a challenge. Nay, it is a complete struggle.
But if I tend to err on the side of "life is beautiful! go out and experience it!", I must admit that it might be due to the fear of being one of those "younger singles" who thinks her life is so "horrible".

I cringe at the thought of a 30-40-something reading my blog and scoffing at me as I pour out my heart...all because I'm "so young".

So this one goes out to all my young Christian sisters, whether you're in high school or college, in your early 20s or late 30s...if you are unmarried and feel called to marriage, no matter your age, your struggles, your fears, everything you feel is valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And if you want to talk or blog about it, DO IT. We need to grow in solidarity with one another because we are not alone. If every young, single woman waited until she was of an "appropriate" age to begin sharing how much it sucks to be single when you want to be married, well, how would this be helping anyone?

And if you're reading this and thinking "oh man, I'm older than 25 and have likely said that to a younger single before", I encourage you to be better in the future. Embrace your younger single friends.
Help them to see that if life doesn't go according to their expectations, all is not lost.
Show them that life is worth embracing at every age.

Know of my prayers for each and every one of you and your vocations!

Encouraging Chivalry

Update 9/9/14: This post was linked up as part of the Not Alone Series topic, "Oh so chivalrous!"

Have you read this post by Matt Walsh? It's thought-provoking, FULL of solid Truth, and calls men to action.

I forget in the day-to-day that "chivalry is dead". And actually, I've heard that before and argued with whoever proclaimed it that chivalry IS NOT dead. Unfortunately, however, my perception on this is skewed.

I blame it on all of the awesome men in my life. Holy, God-fearing, women-loving men.
They hold doors, allow women to go before them for communion, help me with my coat, etc.

But what about all of the men who I don't know? Or even more so, what about the women who don't know the men I know?

I can imagine that it would be very discouraging to think that chivalry is dead. How sad.
And how incredibly sad for a woman who desires to have a man be chivalrous, to give up on that dream of a knight in shining armor!

I've read articles and posts where the author says that we need to focus on instilling an expectation of chivalry in our children. We need to raise our boys to be chivalrous and our girls to be accepting and grateful for chivalry.

I agree with this. We must raise our children in this manner.

But what about those of us who aren't raising children? What about the college students? What about the young professionals? Perhaps we must wait until we have children of our own in order to encourage chivalry?

Not at all.
There is so much that we can do to encourage chivalry at all ages and places in life!

For the Men

Chivalrous men! Please continue to be gentlemen. Do not allow the lazy men of today to influence how you act.

Rather, you must be an example to other men. Chivalry begets chivalry. Encourage your boorish friends to be more gallant! If you let a lady have your seat, nudge your buddy to do the same! Hold one another accountable.

Asking your friend to hold the second set of doors while you're holding the first isn't nagging, it's reminding him to be the gentleman he was made to be. Hopefully just seeing you open the first door will give him the push he needs to grab the second one, but better safe than sorry!

Overall, do not allow your less honorable friends to discourage you.
And if ever a lady yells that she doesn't need your help with the door/with her coat/etc. just respond with a smile and a courteous "I didn't do _______ because you're a woman/girl/lady, I did it because I'm a gentleman."
I guarantee she will not know what to say, especially if you remain polite.

Be like Matt and call others to action.


For the Ladies

Alright, ladies, I am certain that many of you appreciate and enjoy chivalry. However, how are you supposed to increase chivalry? I mean, we're mere women...we have no influence on whether or not a "guy" is gentlemanly....right?

Wrong!
The way in which we react to chivalry will influence its longevity.

I encourage you to stop being embarrassed when you encounter a gentleman.
There have been times when a man holds the door for me when I'm a good 20+ strides from the door. Gosh, I feel horrible! I'm ashamed to admit that more often than not, I barely meet his gaze and perhaps I'll give him a sorrowful "thanks!"...all because I feel bad.

Or how many times has a young man surprised you by helping you with your coat? I never expect it, and due to my surprise, I usually give a little laugh and what might be perceived as a sarcastic "thank you".
(when really, I just feel awkward and try to be goofy instead)

Or have you ever neglected to thank the man who is coming out of a building and holds the door as you're entering? It's possible he wouldn't hear me, you think, and besides, it's not like it's a big deal...

I want to encourage you to stop doing this.
Don't stop thanking, but change the way in which you thank.
Stop acting embarrassed when a man treats you like a lady, you ARE a lady! Don't make him feel embarrassed for treating you as such!
And never treat an act of chivalry as "nothing" or else you're feeding into the mindset that chivalry simply doesn't matter.

When a gentleman opens the door for you, pulls out your chair, etc., look him in the eye, give him a warm smile and a grateful "Thank You!"

This is called positive reinforcement. (I know because I have a Psychology degree. BAM.) If we want men to be more chivalrous, we must encourage them to continue their chivalry! Please push past whatever it is that hold you back from appreciating his chivalrous gesture. Like I said before, chivalry begets chivalry. And in this case, a man's encouraged chivalry will lead to his continued chivalry.


Chivalry can be encouraged at all ages.
Gentlemen shouldn't be afraid to behave like gentlemen and ladies shouldn't be ashamed to expect to be treated like ladies.

Strive to be the most authentic you you can be.

no words.

Well, hello!

Gosh, that was quite a long break I took from blogging! Generally unintended, but definitely needed. There's been a lot of stuff going on in my life lately and I'm finally in a place where I'm ready to get back into regular blogging.

There has been a huge lack of words on this blog for the past month and a half, due in a large part to me not being able to find the words to share.

I mentioned back in March that I'd begun "support raising" for my job, which essentially means that I began fundraising my salary. For those of you who are familiar with FOCUS, it's a similar method as those missionaries use in order to fulfill their mission.

Wow. What a journey.

I'm sure that I'll write more in-depth about my journey of support raising - it's definitely been a life-changing experience. But for now, I keep it simple.

When going through such a transformative period, I struggle between knowing how much is too much to share on the interwebs. I want to be open, honest, and more than anything authentic with all of you. I want to be able to share the raw parts of my life in order to grow in solidarity with others who might be feeling the same way.

But during these past several months, I barely shared this part of my life with you all. I can't quite pinpoint a reason, but I think it has something to do with trying to keep some of my life private. I just quite find the right words to express what I was going through without feeling too exposed. But now that I've been through this period, I do plan on sharing more on my experience.

The bottom line is that after several humbling months, I am finally fully funded. Through the generosity of friends, family, friends-of-friends, and strangers, I am able to continue to minister to pro-life students on campus.

Thank you for your prayers, thank you for your support, thank you for your friendship.

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Don't forget that the Not Alone Series starts up again TOMORROW, Jan 14!

This week's topic is:

In what ways can you grow/stretch RIGHT NOW that could affect the whole of 2014?

This topic is similar to the "resolution" posts or "word of the year" posts, but go in whatever direction you'd like! How do you plan to live 2014 in the best way possible?

Please continue to email, tweet, comment, smoke signal, etc. your topic suggestions. Jen and I truly need your input in order to continue this series! No topic is out of the questions!

And as always, feel free to email Jen or email me with any questions/comments/concerns :)

the future me

I have this image of the person I want to be.
The person I want to become.

She's active and healthy.
She's authentically confident.
She's capable of being vulnerable and honest.
She's a hard worker and driven and motivated.
She's disciplined.
She takes care of herself: physically, socially, and spiritually.

This is an image, an aspiration, that I've had for awhile.

But then it clicked - how am I going to become that person if I'm not taking steps toward that lifestyle now?

If I desire to be holy, why am I not taking small steps toward that goal?
If I desire to be healthy and active, why am I not taking the necessary steps to get there?
If I desire heaven, why am I not trying to become the person I was made to be?

I'm starting today.

Who are you aspiring to be and what's holding you back?

Live like the person you want to be.

"Wanna prevent rape? Stop getting wasted"

Ok, I should be writing up a NAS post for this week, but an article caught my eye that I just can't not write about.

Upon perusing through my Twitter feed, I saw this tweet, "retweeted" by Sr. Helena (who I adore, btw):

Wanna Prevent Rape? Stop Getting Wasted http://t.co/bo3J38sXIL #women #alcohol #sexcrimes
— Suzanne Fortin (@Roseblue) October 17, 2013

Which, of course, led me to this article.

I'm sorry, but no.

Please tell me that I'm not the only one who is completely horrified and disgusted by the attitude presented in this piece.

I understand that the researcher quoted states:

"“I’m not saying a woman is responsible for being sexually victimized,” says Christopher Krebs, one of the authors of that study and others on campus sexual assault."

BUT THEN his very next sentence disqualifies that first one:

"“But when your judgment is compromised, your risk is elevated of having sexual violence perpetrated against you.”"

People, when you make a statement that is supposed to make your case clear, BUT THEN you follow it up with a sentence that begins with "but" or "however", etc...that negates your first statement.
It's like saying "I'm sorry...but...."

Look, I went to college. Heck, I even work on a college campus.
Do girls and guys get themselves drunk of their own volition? Yes.
Is this carelessness sometimes the open door that leads to sexual assault? Yes.
But, is that carelessness the sole reason for the potential sexual assault? Absolutely not.

Placing such direct blame on the victim, saying "oh, you could have prevented this", takes one very important piece out of the puzzle: the predator.

Making such a directly offensive statement like "Wanna prevent rape? Stop getting wasted" trivializes the entire issue. I find it extremely simplistic and insensitive.

I'm not saying that men and women shouldn't be intelligent about their partying choices, but deciding to not get drunk/wasted/high/what-have-you is NOT going to eliminate rape.

Men and women who aren't "wasted" get assaulted.
This isn't just a drinking-atmosphere problem.
It's a societal problem.

Are there many steps to ending sexual assault? Yes.
Is teaching the current and future generations about how to be responsible and respectful one of these steps? Yes.

Is not "getting wasted" the absolute one solution to this problem with society? No.

Let's be more sensitive, shall we?


What do you think about the article I linked to? I'd love to read your thoughts. Just remember to be respectful and sensitive in your comments, this is a very delicate topic that most people have strong opinions on. 
Any mean or unproductive comments will be deleted. You've been warned ;)

Not Alone Series: Careers as Vocations?

Linking up over at Jen's for another round of the Not Alone Series.

This week's topic prompt:

How do we know what God's call is for us if we are focused on our careers? Is it appropriate to focus on that career and then get married/enter religious life later? Or maybe the call/vocation IS the career and you could be single?

Before I begin, I just want to reiterate what Jen said over on her post that while we all might have differing opinions on this topic, let's remember that the point of this series is to grow in community with other single people so we know that we are "not alone". It's perfectly fine to disagree, but please comment, reply, etc. in charity. We want this to be a welcoming group where everyone feels comfortable sharing their opinion. And since there's no doctrine of Church teaching on the topics we discuss, it's okay to disagree. mmmmkay? :)

I know so many young women who get their first job out of college with no real intention of sticking with it for more than a couple of years. Now, that would be fine if they were married or engaged with the intention of becoming pregnant immediately following vows and staying home with le bebes.

BUT. When you're young and single and have no prospects on the horizon and LOVE your work and this is what God is calling you to do, what's wrong with embracing your career?

I'd say nothing.

When this topic was presented as a potential for the NAS, I have to admit that I was a tad irked.

Mostly because when I hear "vocation", I automatically think about the different categories we Catholics segment ourselves into: single, married, religious.

So my mind interpreted the topic as "could your career possibly be the only thing you do for the rest of your life?"

But I would argue that there are two (or more) definitions of the word "vocation".

The first is Vocation as your "life path" or "the big V"...whether it be marriage, religious life, etc.

The second is vocation in the sense of what you're meant to do RIGHT NOW...whether that be a student, working professional, SAHM, etc.

So that brings us to the big question:

Can a career be your vocation?

Well, yes. Yes because I believe that we all have a path in life and every step on that path is going to be something different, something new.
My life right now is to thrive as a single person, working full-time.
It's my job RIGHT NOW to be the best campus mentor in central IL that I can be.
Because THAT is what God is calling me to be RIGHT NOW.

I can't sit waiting around worrying about working so hard that I'll miss out on Mr. Right because hellooooo if God is calling me to dive into my career, dontcha think He can pull me out to notice the guy who's trying to pursue me?

Now, with all of this comes discernment.
Constant prayer and "checking in" on where God wants you to go next.
It's naive of us to think that we can just take what God has handed us and run with it for the rest of our lives without ever looking up. The job I have right now might be where I'm supposed to be for a number of years, but if I'm not always seeking God's will, I might mistakenly miss out on a turn that I was supposed to take. I don't mean for this to sound like we shouldn't get enveloped in our work or dive headfirst into it, but with everything we should always be seeking the Lord's will.
Because His perfect will and perfect plan is what we should be seeking daily.

Whether or not I think that being a single person and "just" working for the rest of your life is a "big V" Vocation is a whole other topic.
But don't be afraid to be someone who works in her dream job for years before getting married.
Don't be afraid to break out of the mold and the expectations that you put on yourself.
Just because you're working and not married or dating or whatever longer than you thought you would be post-college doesn't mean that you'll never get married.

Let me tell you something, when I was 17 years old, I imagined that I would meet "the one" in college and at the very least be in a serious relationship when I graduated from college, if not engaged and planning a wedding. So imagine my surprise when lo and behold, here I am, 23, single, with a degree in Psychology working full-time in the pro-life movement, fundraising my salary, STILL living in central Illinois AND on my own.
This is not where I thought I would be at 23.
But with time and prayer and discernment, I've grown to love where I'm at and rather that fighting the Lord's plan, I've embraced it (most days), and tried to let go of my own plans and let God's perfect plan reign.
And at this moment, I believe that He still wants me here.
But He could tell me tomorrow or next week or next month that He wants me to go a different direction and if I TRUST in Him and His faithfulness, I will should allow Him to lead me wherever I am to be.

Does any of this make sense? I feel like I just brain-dumped a bunch of thoughts that have been going through my head and well, I'm too tired to go back and remove parts that might not fit. I pray that something in here will help you along your path.

So what do you think about this week's topic? Can careers be a vocation or even a Vocation? Write up a post and link-up over at Jen's! Can't wait to read what you all think!

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Next week's topic:

Fav Recipes... for one!

Link-up your favorite one-person meal recipes! It's hard to cook for one sometimes and we could all use some help!

October 15: Chastity as a Single Person

Physical or Emotional. What are your struggles? How do you overcome them?

October 22: Patience

Do you find yourself becoming really impatient, or struggling with your life to "really" begin? If so, how do you combat it? Do you do anything? How can we support one another in this area?

Not Alone Series: Can/Should a Woman Pursue a Man?

This is a topic that my friends (girls and guys alike) and I have argued about discussed numerous times and I know that everyone has a slightly different opinion, so I'm excited to read what others think!!!

Alright. In thinking about this topic, I'll admit that I find myself having conflicting opinions. It's a dilemma.
And so in order to better organize my thoughts and therefore to make for easier reading, I'm going to break it down a bit this week.

Men are Hunters

Ok, cheesy, but it's true. Men were created to be protectors and hunters and pursuers.
They have an innate desire to be the ones to step up to a challenge and conquer.
I'm not suggesting that we should view women as something to conquer, no. But in understanding that men were created this way, we can understand that perhaps this is how it is meant to be. Perhaps men are to be the ones who "chase".

I had someone tell me once that if a woman pursues a man, gone is the "challenge"
...if the guy doesn't like the girl, he might accept her pursuit and start something up because it was the easiest option at the moment...but he likely won't appreciate/value what they have because he didn't have to fight for it.
On the other hand, if the guy does like the girl who's pursuing him, he might feel like she's taking his job, or revoking part of his manly duty.

I'm not sure that I completely agree with this, however, I have seen relationships that start up (and are really unhealthy) simply because the girl threw herself at the guy and he just wanted to be with someone. Not good.

So Women Are to Sit and Wait?!

Ugh. I don't know.
This is where I begin to disagree with myself.

Because let's be honest, it doesn't make sense that a woman should be able to just sit and wait and have Prince Charming come and sweep her away. (believe me, I've tried that)

This goes back to the NAS Challenge from a few weeks ago....if we aren't putting anything out there to take a step toward our vocation, then how do we expect to receive anything?

I had this realization a couple months after I graduated from college....how the heck do we expect guys to want to pursue us if we don't give them ANY inclination that we're interested? I feel like sometimes we Christian women take the whole "let a man pursue you" to the extreme. Allowing men to pursue to doesn't mean sit in a coffeeshop with a scowl on your face and avoiding eye contact and then be upset because the cute guy you noticed didn't approach you.

I just immediately thought of Nikki's NAS challenge and remember how proud I was of her for deciding to try to smile more often...and the results she had were amazing!!!

I mean, ladies, let's put ourselves in the guys' shoes.
If you see a cute girl you recognize from class or the gym or church, but she never makes eye contact, never a smile in your direction, no inclination that she just might be interested in talking to you....what would you do?
I can tell you right now that there's no way in heck I would try to strike up a conversation! I would be more likely to approach the girl who noticed me, made eye contact, and smiled. That's it. For many confident guys, that's all it would take.

Can vs Should

"Can women pursue men?" is very different from "Should women pursue men?"

So yes, women physically can pursue men, but should we? I'm not so sure.
I think there's a delicate line to walk between being open and approachable and being the desperate throwing-herself-at-you girl.

As far as the particulars go, I'm no expert, but I make an effort to not be the one to always text or call or whatever. Any guy I'm interested in is going to have to put some work in too. I'm not going to ask him on a date or approach him for his number.
But I will invite him to come with a group of friends to a party or dinner and I might even *gasp* walk up and introduce myself if I've never met him before (depending on the setting of course...)

I'm not a proponent of the motto of "today's women" that screams "who says girls can't ask a guy out? there's no rules!" Because like everything in life, there is an order and all of that was put in place by the one who knows what he's doing.

So what do you think? Can/should women pursue men? Does it matter? Hop on over to Jen's to see what others are saying and to link-up your post!

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Next week's topic:

Fave Mom Blogs

We can't always relate to them, but we can learn a TON! Plus, we want them to know how much we love them, too!

September 24: NFP, baby! ;)
So, who's begun charting?! How is it going? What advice do you have/what method do you use? If you haven't, is something holding you back? Are you considering starting up?

October 1: Careers as a Vocation?
How do we know what God's call is for us if we are focused on our careers? Is it appropriate to focus on that career and then get married/enter religious life later? Or maybe the call/vocation IS the career and you could be single?

October 8: Fav Recipes... for one!Link-up your favorite one-person meal recipes! It's hard to cook for one sometimes and we could all use some help!

October 15: Chastity as a Single PersonPhysical or Emotional. What are your struggles? How do you overcome them?

October 22: PatienceDo you find yourself becoming really impatient, or struggling with your life to "really" begin? If so, how do you combat it? Do you do anything? How can we support one another in this area?


Jen and I are so still SO thrilled that the Not Alone Series is still going so well. :) Have you been enjoying it? Do you think anything needs to change? Frequency of posts still good? Is letting you know the topics ahead of time helpful? We just like to check-in every so often to make sure this is actually fruitful for you. We are always open to other ideas/changes/suggestions.

And as always, in order to keep these posts going, we need your suggestions! Jen and I only have so many ideas!! ...well, maybe that's not true...but this isn't just about what WE want to talk about, it's about ALL of us! Email me, email Jen, tweet me or Jen, smoke signal...whatever works!

blessed.

I couldn't help but overhear a young girl (college aged) talking in a coffeeshop the other day about her entire faith life journey.

She was telling her friend about how her family jumped from church to church and how she struggled to ever find a place where she felt at home. Her family would choose different churches based on what they were looking for at that point in their lives but when they would outgrow a church, they'd move on.

It sounded like she had finally found a faith community that she loved, but there was so much hurt in her voice when she spoke of her past. That restlessness. That searching for "the right fit".

I sat there trying not to eavesdrop. Trying to pretend like I was actually working on work rather than listening to her story.

As I knelt in Adoration last night, I couldn't help but remember this conversation.
It's times like these that I'm reminded of how grateful for the Truth of the Catholic Church.
I feel so blessed to have been raised in the Church.
While I've had my own search for Truth and belonging, I always knew deep down that I could go to the Church for answers to my endless questions.

Thank you Jesus for your Church.
And thank you for your love.

Guest Post at The Veil of Chastity

Happy Monday, y'all!

Sooooo I hesitated about even saying anything because I really don't want to toot my own horn, but I'm also really excited....today I'm guest blogging/posting/whatever-ing over at The Veil of Chastity!
Talking about chastity and living it out in the real world.

If that peaks your interest, take a gander!

If not, here're some bonus baby pics from this weekend's baptism festivities.
Because if little Lincoln doesn't make you squeal, well, why are you even here? ;)

"heeheehee I'm so funny!"

"mmkay I'm smiling...can you stop now, Auntie Morgana?"

"ooo something kinda smells..."

SUCH a cutie pie!!!

xo, mo

Not Alone Series: "just friends"

Linking up over at Jen's today for another round of the Not Alone Series!

This is an age-old question that has been plaguing the minds of well-meaning men and women wayyy before Harry made it a thing:



And so here we are. Asking the same question of you all, and requesting your thoughts. And SURPRISE. I have some of my own. ;)

So. Can guys and gals be "just friends"?

Well, it depends. I know, I know...we all hate that answer.
"It depends". RELATIVISM! GAHHH!
buuuuut since we're dealing with what I don't believe to be a moral Truth issue, Imma let this one slide.

Ok, so why does it depend?

Welllll, I'm a firm believer that men and women CAN be friends with one another because I have some veryveryvery close guy friends. BUT there are a couple factors that come into play in order to make these relationships possible:

1. Within these relationships, neither of us have a romantic interest in the other.

2. I'm also very close with their wives/girlfriends.

This isn't to say that you can't be friends with someone who you've been romantically interested in at one point or another, but in my experience, I've only been able to have authentically close friendships with guy friends once our friendship becomes completely platonic (regardless if the initial feelings were one-sided or not). Additionally, when/if these guy friends have a significant other, the only way that I've been able to maintain that friendship is if I'm also close with her.

I've tried to be friends with guys who don't match one or both of the above factors, and it just ends up being awkward. And like Jen said, I just don't/didn't feel like I could be authentically me.

I have a couple examples.

First, one of my closest guy friends. I've known him for going on 5 years and he's truly like a big brother to me. I trust him and know that he'd be there for me, even if it meant driving 3 hrs in the middle of the night. He also happens to be married to one of my dearest girlfriends. We've known one another for 5 years and they live only a couple of blocks from me. We hang out a good amount each week, both one-on-one and the three of us, and now that they have a babe, I try to sneak over whenever I can ;)
But the point is, I'm able to be true friends with P and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I've never had romantic feelings for him AND that his wife knows me and trusts me. Even though I know that I'd NEVER try to break up any couple, distrust between you and your friend's wife/girlfriend can cause major issues.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is a guy who I'm technically friends with, but I feel uncomfortable with our relationship. He's a nice guy and all, but I always get the vibe that he likes me in a more-than-just-friends way. Maybe it's the 3+ Snapchats from him each day or the little comments he makes about us hanging out alone, etc. Regardless of what it is, I'm not interested and while I've made that clear (VERY explicitly clear), I still don't feel like I can call him up on any given night to grab a drink without him potentially getting the wrong idea.
And I know that our "friendship" is different from what I've had with other guys because I have a guy friend moving to town next month who I wouldn't hesitate to get dinner with multiple nights a week. (again, completely platonic and his girlfriend and I are bffs)

So, in summation, I do think it's possible to be friends with guys....clearly these friendship will look differently than those you have with other women, but I think that's a given. These friendships have taught me A LOT about being able to relate to guy problems and how to communicate with them....skills that I think will help me eventually when I find Mr. Morgan.

But I don't think it's as simple as people might think. I don't think women can be "just friends" with every guy. Many will have romantic interests and others may have girlfriends who you aren't friends with. And, like I said, these are two factors that I've found really determine your ability to have a true friendship with the opposite sex. Keep in mind that these are just my opinions based on my personal experience...I'm not saying you have to follow these guidelines when making guy friends, this is just what I've found to be consistent in my life.

What are your thoughts? Can girls be "just friends" with guys? Are there other components you think I missed? We'd love to hear it!

Link up at Jen's with your writings on being "just friends" with guys!

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Next week's topic:

Favorite Resources

Are there any books, songs, prayers, etc that have helped you during this time of your life? Sharing is caring!

8/6: Envy and Singlehood 
Interpret as you will....

8/13: CHALLENGE TIME! 
So...you think you are called to marriage? What are you doing about it? Go to a young adults activity! Sign up for CatholicMatch.com! Do SOMETHING that allows you to take an active part in writing your story. Praying is important, and we love writing about our thoughts and feelings, but we need to be doing more than just that! God won't just hand everything to us, we've got to make an effort as well!
Or....feeling that religious life is where you're headed? Maybe reach out to a community you're interested in! Have coffee with a sister from another community! Pray, duh. But, it's important to be active in your search for God's will.
On 8/13 we'll all be talking about what we did and how it went!
What's a community without challenging each other?? Can't wait to hear about it!


Again, Jen and I really really REALLY need your ideas for more topics! We've received a few great ones, but please don't be shy! We're hosting the linkup, but we really want everyone to be involved. Please email us or comment on our posts about things you would like to discuss. No topic is out of the question!

Not Alone Series: Identity

Thanks to Alex for the topic suggestion this week! Her guest post can be found over at Jen's!

When it was decided to talk about identity this week, I was really excited, because this is something I've thought about a lot. Your own personal identity is important throughout your entire life, but it's something that I think single people especially struggle with.

Specifically in college I knew a number of people who just seemed lost unless if they were in a relationship. It was like they had no idea who they themselves were without someone to be with. I found it incredibly annoying...I mean, you have to be your own person, right?
It made zero sense to me...until my relationship ended.

We only dated for a couple of months (long enough for me to realize that we weren't "meant to be") but we'd been really close friends before dating and so breaking up took a toll on my life as a whole. I felt like I'd not only lost a person who cared about me and wanted to be with me, but also my best friend. It was heart-wrenching. And as much as it logically made sense for us to break up (I couldn't ever see us raising children together...red flag!), every part of my life seemed to reek of "us". Plus, when you're in a relationship, there's such a sense of security...knowing that at the end of the day, there's someone out there who has your back. Losing that felt like losing a part of myself and despite both my heart and my head telling me that it was the right decision, my insecurities desperately wanted for us to get back together.

I really had to take a step back and allow myself to get back to being me once again.
It took time, and my ex constantly trying to win me back didn't make it any easier, but I'm really so grateful that through prayer and self-discovery, I was able to persevere and get back to me.
Getting back into that relationship or dating someone new would have only been a band-aid hiding the truth that I had lost sight of who I was outside of the relationship. But after reclaiming who I was as an individual, it didn't matter who I dated or who I broke up with, I still had a strong grip on who I was as a person.

While it's been awhile since then and I don't quite remember how I got to that place, I had to somewhat reclaim my identity last year upon moving to a brand new city and working full-time. After being a student for so long and not having the time to look deeper into what makes me me, it's been like an adventure to find out things about myself that I never knew before. Rediscovering my love for sewing, cooking, and reading has been so wonderful and having the time to now invest in those parts of my life is even better.

Also having to break out of my comfort zone and reaching out to make friends has been a really huge growing experience for me, but it's paid off! I've mentioned before how I'm starting a young adult group at my parish, and being able to invest my time in an "extracurricular" such as that is such a gift! Just being involved in my parish is such a formative experience....I might even join a choir this fall!

Overall, I think it's super important that we as young people are self-aware. Even after marriage and having babies, we need to know who we are as people outside of the "wife/mommy role". I think this is crucial to our own self-worth.

What are your thoughts on identity? Please link up with us below! Any and all perspectives are welcomed!
And I'm going to ditto Jen and call out you married ladies (Trista and Martha!), please join us if you have something to share!

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Next week's topic:

Is it possible to be "just friends" with a guy?

In the interest of helping everyone prepare more in advance, here are the next few topics!

7/30: Favorite Resources

Are there any books, songs, prayers, etc that have helped you during this time of your life? Sharing is caring!

8/6: Envy and Singlehood
Interpret as you will....

8/13: CHALLENGE TIME! 
So...you think you are called to marriage? What are you doing about it? Go to a young adults activity! Sign up for CatholicMatch.com! Do SOMETHING that allows you to take an active part in writing your story. Praying is important, and we love writing about our thoughts and feelings, but we need to be doing more than just that! God won't just hand everything to us, we've got to make an effort as well!
Or....feeling that religious life is where you're headed? Maybe reach out to a community you're interested in! Have coffee with a sister from another community! Pray, duh. But, it's important to be active in your search for God's will.
On 8/13 we'll all be talking about what we did and how it went!

What's a community without challenging each other?? Can't wait to hear about it!

SPECIAL REQUEST

We really really REALLY need your ideas for more topics! We've received a few great ones, but please don't be shy! Jen and I have said that WE have a lot of topics WE would like to talk about, but WE are NOT ALL OF YOU! The "we" really needs to include all of us. We are in this together. Yes, Jen and I are hosting the linkup, but we really want everyone to be involved. Please email us or comment on our posts about things you would like to discuss. Anything from the silly to the really serious. Whatever you find that is on your heart, something you normally discuss with your girlfriends, etc, there might be someone else who wants to chat about that, too! So, please let us know! No topic is out of the question!

Not Alone Series: Despair and Vocations

Thanks to Amanda for suggesting this week's topic!

It is SO easy to feel alone, lost, and forgotten when you so ardently believe that you know what your vocation is meant to be but it just doesn't seem to be happening yet. I don't have all of the answers because I struggle with this kind of despair A LOT and expect/hope to learn more this week from others than be able to lend any advice, but I would like to share some wisdom from others I've picked up along the way.

Those of you who follow me on twitter or are my FB friend (only a few of you out there, I think :) might have seen that last week Tuesday, my grandmother passed away. The wake and funeral were on Sunday and Monday, respectively. Grandma's passing was one of those unexpectedly expected events.
We knew Grandma was slowing down, and had begun to tell everyone that she was ready to pass on from this life.
We knew that her health took a nosedive early last week.
Yet, we didn't expect for her to go so quickly.

And while these past few days have been extremely difficult, I've had the opportunity to reevaluate the way I approach my life currently. It's so easy to waste away your days wishing for something that you don't have and wanting each day that stands between you and your future to pass by quickly. But upon standing back and looking at your life, it's so important to realize that today was yesterday's future. Did you waste yesterday wishing for today? Or did you make the most of the current moment to prepare for tomorrow?

This reevaluation isn't just for you, it's something I have to continually remind myself of.

Another part of the despair of waiting for my "vocation to begin" (the idea of which I kind of hate because aren't we all living out a daily vocation, regardless of our relationship status?? ...another topic for another time...), is the despair that comes from comparing my life to those of others.

At the moment, I struggle most with comparing my life to those of my friends who are engaged or married or married with children. It's especially difficult when I realize that these people are my age and have been married for X number of years and have X number of children.
It's SO EASY to feel completely behind the ball!
I end up sitting back and having projections of my life as an old maid with 50 cats all named "Baby" and freaking out whilst wondering if it's time to join CatholicMatch.com.

Aaaaand then I give my self a mental slap in the face and remember that I'm only 23.
But more than that, even if I were 33 or 43 or 53 and single, the most important thing to remember that this is my story.
MY story.
No one else's.

Yes, my life looks different from my best friend from grade school. (married for 3 years)
Yes, my life looks different from my freshman year dorm-mate. (married 10 months, just had a baby)
YES, my life look different from my best friend from college. (dating a cowboy in TX...literally)
DUH.
That's how it's supposed to be!

It's so easy to think you're not pretty enough or not funny enough or not good enough when at 21 most of your friends were engaged and you were there twiddling your thumbs and just trying to find a friend to do jello shots with. *guilty*
But that's the beauty of life! No one's story is the same, and if we all had the same story, how freaking boring would that be?!

So ladies (and gentlemen?), don't doubt yourself. Trust in the Lord and in His timing and try to enjoy life right now. It doesn't last forever and the future is coming up quick (tomorrow.).

So looking forward to reading your thoughts on vocations and dispelling despair! Link up below, please include a link back to THIS POST and check out Jen's post (it's pretty awesome, just sayin')

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Next week's topic:

Who are you right now as a young, single woman?

(here is a blurb from Alex, who emailed this suggestion to help you see what we mean and to get your juices flowing)

We place so much of our identity in other people, in their reactions and responses to us, in whether they take the time to text us or like our status on Facebook. We desire approval more today than ever, and we seek it constantly. So what happens when you’re removed from the reactions of other people and you’re left sitting alone on a bench by the bay with no reaction or encounter except those from God?

I’ll tell you what happens. You begin to meet yourself. Because the truth of your personhood is how you are seen in the eyes of God, and it’s never more revealed to you than when you take time to leave everyone else in the world and to ask him who you are. I thought I was alone when I moved to St. Augustine in August, but what I really had was the most intimate time with God I'll probably ever know, and it’s revealed several things about who I am that I never really saw.