Not Alone Series: Lent

We're about half-way through Lent...how's it going? What did you decide to give up or take up? Did you make any spiritual goals? How have you grown thus far and how do you hope to make the most of the remainder of this season?

It seems insane that just next week is Holy Week! Insane!

My Lent has flown. One might understand this to mean that my Lent has been wonderful and therefore has flown...however, it's been a rollercoaster of happenings.

God has a way of stretching me, taking seasons to help me grow, and even if I can see that this is His intent in the midst of these periods, I have a hard time appreciating these opportunities.

This Lent has been a rollercoaster of emotions and events. Some extreme highs and some lows. I'm being challenged day after day to pick up my cross, one that I love and simultaneously despise, and follow after the One who gave His all for me.

I chose to give up a couple of things this Lent, one of these being music in the car. I've started to feel overstimulated in this world, so I thought this could be a good way to quiet my mind and heart. The one exception I've given myself is when I'm on a long drive, since I travel some for work and other life events and music is usually the only thing that keeps me alert on the road.

So, when this past weekend I drove more than 700 miles, I had a good amount of music time.

I've become re-obsessed with NEEDTOBREATHE and had one of their CDs in my car (yes, I'm an old lady with CDs...get over it)....this was really the only album I listened to for all of those 700+ miles. I'm the type who, when I find a song I LOVE, I listen to it on repeat for hours.

"Garden" is one of these such songs. (though the entire album is perfection. take a listen.)

The subject matter is clear from the title, but the first lyrics set the scene perfectly in the Garden of Gethsemane:

Won't you take this cup from me
'Cause fear has stolen all my sleep
If tomorrow means my death
I pray you'll save their souls with it

I've been hearing repeatedly in sermon and personal prayer that I must attempt to align my suffering with that of our Lord on the cross. But, I forget about the pre-cross scene.

Jesus is fully God and fully man. He had full knowledge of what was to occur and this frightened Him. He stepped into His fear despite knowing what was to come, but He too had to surrender to the will of His Father.

I forget this. Too often, I forget this. While I'm over in my corner suffering and crying out in anguish, I forget that Jesus did the same. I forget that my Savior also had doubts, He also had fears, He is human, just like me. (except that I'm just fully human) His suffering had a purpose, my salvation. I must believe that my suffering, which pales in comparison, has a purpose as well.

And in the same thread, our Lord isn't asking me to be fearless or cast away my doubt, but He is asking me to trust Him. The only way His Father's plan worked was through Jesus' trust, and so I must try my darnedest to trust Him as well.

The chorus of "Garden" reminds me of how I need to be living my day-to-day:

Let the songs I sing bring joy to youLet the words I say confess my loveLet the notes I choose be your favorite tuneFather let my heart be after you

Despite my heartache, despite my fears, despite my loneliness and worry and everything else....the one thing that I can focus on in the turmoil is fixing my eyes and heart on the One who loves me unconditionally.

God doesn't ask for grand gestures. I'm sure He finds joy in my mortifications and self-denial, but ultimately, all He wants from me is my heart. And all He wants from you is your heart. When I feel that I have nothing left to give, when I've been emptied of everything, I still have my heart to be surrendered to my Lord.

And that's all He wants.

So that's how my Lent is going. It's struggle and beauty, all in one.

How is your Lent? Please share your reflections with us in the comments or link-up your post below!

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Next week's topic:

Expectations vs Reality...of the Single Life

Have you ever had people in your life, who have expectations of what your life is as a single person which are different than the reality of your life? Do friends or family ever make assumptions about your life simply because you're unmarried? Did you ever have expectations about being single which turned out to be different than the reality? How do you manage the expectations of others with the reality of your day-to-day?

4/7: Challenge Check-inA couple weeks ago, we set to challenge ourselves! What did you decide on and what did you end up doing? Was this a fruitful experience for you? Why or why not?

4/14: Christian FriendshipWhat does it mean to be a friend based in Christ? Do Christian friends hold each other higher? Do we let certain things go easier? Do we hold each other accountable? How do these friendships differ from non-Christian based friendships? Do the differ? Is one better than the other?

Not Alone Series: Selfies

Do you support the selfie trend? Do you think it promotes self absorption, vanity and narcissism? Is there a way to incorporate selfies into the Church's teachings of modesty, authentic beauty, humility? 

Thanks to Hannah!

How do I feel about selfies? Basically what the second part of the above definition says.

Do I take "selfies" with friends? Yes.

Do my sister and I get a little crazy with Snapchat selfies and holiday selfies and baby selfies? Duh.

Buuuut there's a line.

No judgement, I don't think that selfies are inherently evil. However, I have unfollowed people on Instagram who seem to have the need to post a picture of themselves every. single. day.

Now, if you're with friends or just got your bridesmaid dress or are meeting your bffs baby for the first time....go for it, take that selfie. But the selfies that I'm opposed to are the self-gratifying, attention-seeking pictures. 

I'm talking about the pictures where the girl looks frazzled, yet perfectly coiffed and captions with a "days like today that I just can't wait to go home..."

Really? Is that necessary?

Again, do what you want...buuuut I might unfollow after these posts become a daily occurrence.

I think what this boils down to is our inculturated need to be constantly connected to people...which actually leads to disconnection. We post pictures and updates on what we're eating, where we're going, who we're seeing, what we're doing....so much so that we lose touch with the current moment.

We stop living simply to tell people what we're up to.

And I'm guilty of it too, to be sure. Did I really need to tweet a couple nights ago about my new loud neighbors? Or did I really need to post a picture of my fabulous Jamberry nails? Probably not. 

The world around us doesn't need a filter and neither do you. Maybe we need to pocket our phones and just be.

But first, lemme take a selfie.

What do you think about the selfie fad? Leave a comment below, or write your own post and link it up!

Not Alone Series: The Struggle Bus

What ways do you run to implore the Lord's help when you are struggling? Do you always spend time in Adoration? Do you dive into the bible? Automatically go to Confession? Could you be better? How? And what about those times when things are good and you are joyous? Do you still give the Lord your time?

Ok, ladies. I have a confession to make.

When Jen and I were making this year's NAS topic schedule, I wasn't super pumped about this topic. Then with how things worked out with trading off topics, and I realized that I'd be hosting for this particular topic, I thought to myself: "well, I don't know what I'll say here...I haven't been in a slump/rut/funk for awhile..."

God knew better.

The past several weeks I've been a regular on the Struggle Bus. It's hard for me to pin-point specifically what is wrong. I hate this, because as a natural sanguine, extrovert, ENFP, etc. I feel the need to be constantly "on". At least, when I'm around people. But internally, I'm exhausted. What's the deal, Morgan?!

Maybe it's my perpetual singleness.

Perhaps it's a restlessness in my work and the unknown future.

Or maybe I simply need to get off my butt and be more physically active.

Or....maybe it's the lack of a spiritual rhythm in my life.

There was a time when daily mass was a given. When I'd spend at least an hour of my busy day devoted to our Lord. When HE was the center of my life.

Hm. Yep, that could be it.

A couple weeks ago, I finished Jason Evert's book on St. JPII. Wow.

Since then, I've been working my way through a couple of encyclicals: The Splendor of Truth and God is Love. Both have such genuine Truth.

And in teaching CCD on Sunday mornings, I'm learning more about salvation history than I ever did as a child.

This is all well and good...reading the Bible, lives of the saints, and the writings of our Church leaders.

BUT. Without our SOURCE AND SUMMIT at the center of my daily life, I'm empty. Lost.

Without our Lord LITERALLY within me, getting through the day is rough.

So I need to make some changes. And pray for the discipline to stick to them.

How do you get through slumps like this? Do you have any tips or tricks? I'm honestly asking.

Link up below!

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Next week's topic:

Prayer Altar/Corner

How do you pray at home? Do you have a special place in your house? How do you make that area special? Comfy chair? Icons? Prayer cards? What suggestions do you have to make a home altar? If you don't do this, in what ways can you begin?

11/25: Thanksgiving! :)
In what ways are we thankful?! Write about anything you want under this theme! Do you have any family traditions that help you to be mindful of the blessings in your life?

12/2: Preparing the Way! {NAS Advent post}
Happy Advent! How do you prepare your heart, home, etc. for the coming of the Lord? Are there specific recipes or traditions you partake in? Share with us how you are making way for our newborn King!

Not Alone Series: Selfish Singles

Hello ladies! I hope you're all having a blessed Holy Week!

I'm especially excited about this week's topic as it is something I've struggled with for a while now!

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

Here's the thing, I've grown to LOVE my independence. The ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want is so liberating. And so when at the beginning of this year I resolved to make the most of my free time, I took full advantage.

My weekends were spent sleeping in, reading, watching movies, and doing....nothing. It was glorious.
But after a couple of weekends spent in this way, I began to feel empty. Like I could be doing something more than just serving myself.

So I began helping as a CCD aide on the Sunday mornings that I'm in town. And what's funny, friends, is that the more you give, the more you desire to give. I've found that as I give a little bit here and there, my desire to continue to serve and give of myself grows. As much as I love sleeping in on Sundays, it occurred to me this weekend that I want to give more! So I'm now discerning which grade level the Lord wants me to teach next year as the primary CCD instructor.

Look, these years of our lives are a blessing in that we do have a lot of freedom, flexibility, and free-time. But in sacrificing, I've found more fulfillment than I ever did doing nothing with my weekends.

I was telling a friend this weekend about my tank concept and how important giving back is to my "self-esteem tank". Upon hearing this, he exclaimed: "But Morgan! Your whole life is giving back!"
That might be true...my full-time job is one of ministry and involves much sacrifice and service.
HOWEVER. That cannot be an excuse for my lack of giving back in other ways.
Believe me, there's that little voice in my head every Sunday morning saying: "Oh, you don't really need to go help with CCD...you worked so hard already this week! Don't you deserve a break?" ....and I can't let that voice win. We are all called to serve, no matter our occupation or calling.

How about you? In what areas of your life can you shift from self-service to one of serving others?

Maybe you have friends who could use a babysitter a couple times a month so they can go out by themselves. Or maybe there's a soup kitchen you can help out with on Saturday mornings. Or what about your parish's Religious Education? There is always a need for teachers! Most parish's have the opportunity to usher or help in the nursery during mass. Can you find time to give back in some way?

I watched the following video on my retreat last weekend and AH. I encourage you to watch it, I was truly inspired to do whatever little things I can to make the world a better place.



And friends, frustration will happen.
This Sunday, I had CCD, a work meeting with my students, and I was booked to babysit for friends. AND I desperately wanted to be able to make it to brunch with friends. It was annoying to have to try to juggle everything and not resent my "giving" commitments. But our Lord is always faithful and helps to make it all work! In these times, I take a deep breath and ask that the Holy Spirit help me to be present in whatever I am doing. It helps!

Link up below with your post on how you combat being selfish with your time as a single person!

And check out our Facebook group!

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Next week's topic:

Marriage

Most of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)

Not Alone Series: Goals and Lent

Remember our first post this year? How are the goals you set going? Regardless of how your goals are going, how are you utilizing this Lent to continue to strive for those goals?

Way way back in January, I wrote about my focus on humility this year. While I didn't set any specific goals, I definitely need to grow in this area. Natalie noted that in asking for humility, I'm asking for opportunities to be humbled. And surprise! she was right :) Well, it's a good thing I like a challenge!

The past couple of months have helped me to better analyze what parts of my life need pruning and shaping and some TLC. 

I struggle with humility, yeah? But what does that mean? How can I just "work on humility"?

It seems rather vague, don't you think?

But just last week I came to a realization that I'm excited to share with all of you.

I went into work on Wednesday feeling great. I was refreshed, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I am NOT a morning person (be forewarned, Savannah NAS Trip ladies :) but for some reason, I was ready to take on the day! 

Preach.

Upon reflection, I chalked it up to the girls night out that I had on Tuesday evening with some really wonderful people. And I kept thinking "My social 'tank' is full! I need to be sure to keep that 'tank' full if I want to keep feeling this way!" But the truth is, I have more than one tank that needs to be filled....and because I like lists and tangible goals of how to complete something, And I'm a slight perfectionist....so if I can look at a list of things and say "oh, well I succeeded in most of my goals this week", that is so much better for me than not being able to tangibly assess my "success". So here are my "tanks" and how I'm keeping them full!

Faith Tank 

(ex: daily mass at least 3x/week, confession 2x/mo, etc.)

Social Tank 

(ex: at least 1 social event/week, at least 1 catch-up phone call/week, etc.)

Health Tank 

(ex: work out at least 3x/week, eat at least 3 complete, well-rounded dinners/week, etc.)

Self-Esteem Tank 

(ex: "give back" 1x/week, take time each morning to put myself together for the day, etc.)

Rest Tank 

(ex: get 7 hrs of sleep/night, take one weekend-day morning to relax, etc.)

Mental Tank 

(ex: do something creative 1x/week, read before bed each night, etc.)

Productivity Tank 

(ex: tidy up home every evening, only take 1 break before lunch and 1 after lunch, etc.)

Financial Tank 

(ex: check online account 1x/week, tithe every week, etc.)

Truthfully, the above "tanks" are simply needs that I have. My dominating temperament is Sanguine, so having social interaction in groups of all sizes (though I LOVE big groups!) is really important to me. And I struggle with Phlegmatic vices...procrastination and laziness are huge obstacles for me...which is why having lists and specific goals works for me. And this has become somewhat of a game these past few days, trying to see how many of my goals I can accomplish! To fulfill my Mental goals, I'm teaching myself how to play the guitar! For my Faith goals, I needed a push to go on a silent retreat this upcoming weekend - BAM! Let's do it!

I share this all with you because well, I know that YOU have tanks that need to be filled! Maybe your social tank doesn't need to be filled as often due to different circumstances (I work in my own office and with college students all day...I NEED adult interaction!), or perhaps your faith tank has different needs. But if you're anything like me, only a couple of these tanks are being well-maintained. Personally, I am good about keeping my Social, Mental, and Financial Tanks full....but the others? Not so much. 

But that's ok! What better time to make a change than during Lent? What a beautiful and generous gift from our Church! Who else has a whole liturgical season devoted to penitence and improvement?! I'm so grateful for this time to really focus on becoming the best version of myself for our Lord.

I think this relates to my goal for the year because it takes humility to be able to look at your life and evaluate areas where you need to improve...and while it wasn't easy coming up with specific goals for myself, posting some of them on here has a sense of accountability :) I posted this on the internet! Now I have to follow-through!

What about you? Are some of your "tanks" neglected? I challenge you to take an honest look at what needs you have and take the step toward change!

And how are your goals going from the beginning of the year? Have you had to make adjustments? Tell us about how Lent is helping (or not helping?) you to strive closer to your most authentic self! Link up below!

Next week's topic:

Do's and Don'ts of First Dates

What are those things that we should be doing, and the things that we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts (clothes to wear, places to go, things to say) or emotional parts (talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc). We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

April 15th: Selfish Singles

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

April 22nd: Marriage

Most of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)

Not Alone Series: Growing in the Now

Welcome back to the Not Alone Series! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and start to 2014! 

For those of you who are just now joining us, welcome! The Not Alone Series was created with the purpose of connecting with other Catholic, single ladies in order to grow in solidarity and community! More explanation can be found here :)

Truth be told, I'm really not a fan of resolution posts...but my distaste likely comes from me rarely (if ever) following through with resolutions. Ugh. However, I did grow up a bit during 2013, so I'll bite the bullet and set some goals for change and growth in 2014.

"If it doesn't challenge you, it won't change you."
...such wise words from a work-out video trainer....

It's an understatement to say that I've been challenged to grow the past few months. As I wrote yesterday, I haven't been entirely open about what I've been going through with support raising (though I intend to write about it soon!) but what I can say is that my eyes have been opened to how completely, overwhelmingly prideful I am.

Seriously.

Over and over again I have been humbled.
That has been the theme of these past several months, mostly because in order to get anywhere, I had to humble myself and ask for the Lord's help.
Then I had to humble myself and ask my boss for help and advice.
Then I had to humble myself and ask people who's opinions I hold dear for help.

It was so. challenging.

BUT!
It was challenging and therefore it changed me for the better.

While I've been knocked down a peg or ten and learned humility in my work and support raising, that's not the case in every other part of my life. I was meditating on this in adoration and suddenly it clicked: even though humility has been the theme of the past few months, why shouldn't it be the theme of my year?

So there we have it, folks. Humility is what I need to work on now, so that's what I'm focusing on.

Additionally, upon using Jen Fulwiler's Saint's Name Generator, I was given......

St. Michael the Archangel! I didn't initially see any significance (ya know, he isn't the patron saint of engaged couples or anything...) but especially since choosing to focus on humility...oh man. He's a goood one. :)

So that's all I've got friends...I'm excited to be back to regular blogging and can't wait to see what everyone else will be striving for this year!

Link up at Jen's!

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Next week's topic:

Beauty

What does authentic beauty mean to you and how can you be better at believing/accepting that you are, in fact, beautiful?

January 28th: "Guess who's engaged!"
Do you struggle with balancing the sting of hearing about yet another proposal with genuine excitement? What emotions come into play? What virtues do you enlist to deal with it all?

February 4th: Chastity: A Choice
Living chastely (not just abstinence) is a choice. Have you ever had to defend your choice to live out chastity? If not, why do you choose chastity.

February 11th: If only I knew then what I know now...
What would you tell your former self about being single if given the chance? What have you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self?

no words.

Well, hello!

Gosh, that was quite a long break I took from blogging! Generally unintended, but definitely needed. There's been a lot of stuff going on in my life lately and I'm finally in a place where I'm ready to get back into regular blogging.

There has been a huge lack of words on this blog for the past month and a half, due in a large part to me not being able to find the words to share.

I mentioned back in March that I'd begun "support raising" for my job, which essentially means that I began fundraising my salary. For those of you who are familiar with FOCUS, it's a similar method as those missionaries use in order to fulfill their mission.

Wow. What a journey.

I'm sure that I'll write more in-depth about my journey of support raising - it's definitely been a life-changing experience. But for now, I keep it simple.

When going through such a transformative period, I struggle between knowing how much is too much to share on the interwebs. I want to be open, honest, and more than anything authentic with all of you. I want to be able to share the raw parts of my life in order to grow in solidarity with others who might be feeling the same way.

But during these past several months, I barely shared this part of my life with you all. I can't quite pinpoint a reason, but I think it has something to do with trying to keep some of my life private. I just quite find the right words to express what I was going through without feeling too exposed. But now that I've been through this period, I do plan on sharing more on my experience.

The bottom line is that after several humbling months, I am finally fully funded. Through the generosity of friends, family, friends-of-friends, and strangers, I am able to continue to minister to pro-life students on campus.

Thank you for your prayers, thank you for your support, thank you for your friendship.

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Don't forget that the Not Alone Series starts up again TOMORROW, Jan 14!

This week's topic is:

In what ways can you grow/stretch RIGHT NOW that could affect the whole of 2014?

This topic is similar to the "resolution" posts or "word of the year" posts, but go in whatever direction you'd like! How do you plan to live 2014 in the best way possible?

Please continue to email, tweet, comment, smoke signal, etc. your topic suggestions. Jen and I truly need your input in order to continue this series! No topic is out of the questions!

And as always, feel free to email Jen or email me with any questions/comments/concerns :)

the future me

I have this image of the person I want to be.
The person I want to become.

She's active and healthy.
She's authentically confident.
She's capable of being vulnerable and honest.
She's a hard worker and driven and motivated.
She's disciplined.
She takes care of herself: physically, socially, and spiritually.

This is an image, an aspiration, that I've had for awhile.

But then it clicked - how am I going to become that person if I'm not taking steps toward that lifestyle now?

If I desire to be holy, why am I not taking small steps toward that goal?
If I desire to be healthy and active, why am I not taking the necessary steps to get there?
If I desire heaven, why am I not trying to become the person I was made to be?

I'm starting today.

Who are you aspiring to be and what's holding you back?

Live like the person you want to be.

sitting waiting wishing....

....for some normalcy.

Perhaps you've noticed that really all I've been posting lately are my NAS contributions. Or maybe not.

Either way, world, I've been less-than-present for the past couple months for a couple of reasons:

1. I'm fundraising my salary.

2. I moved into my new apt Aug 1st....and haven't set up internet

BUT this week, I FINALLY got the interwebs connected in my new place. I'm uber happy and really did not think that I could make it this long. I don't have a data plan, so basically after I left work, I was without wifi.

Aaaaaand the library closes at 9PM, so from then on I was forced to do without.
Forced.

I read 5 Nicholas Sparks books in 2 weeks. No joke.

Actually, I semi-chose to wait. Since I'm travelling so much for work, it didn't really make sense to pay for wifi I wasn't using.

But I've reached my breaking point, so if I can ever drag myself away from the beauty that is Netflix (thanks Kevin and Liz for letting me use your account!!!), I'll be blogging a tad more often.
I do have 32 drafts I could work on....

However, I might be eating my own words since I'm still quite a ways away from being "fully funded" and have to keep going until that's done.

Shameless plug:
The Lord has been pushing me to use every possible resource at my fingertips (quite literally at this moment), it is now that I humbly ask that if you and yours are at all interested in joining my monthly support team and helping me to get back on campus, please contact me. I'm not going to post the info here to keep a semblance of privacy for my organization, but if you contact me directly, I would be more than thrilled to chat with you about how you can directly help to build a Culture of Life.

Thanks and I promise to write soon!!!

xo, mo

as of late...

Seems I've slumped into another blogging rut and just.can't.get.out.

Life has been pretty insane lately. To give you a glimpse while keeping my thoughts in order, I give you...handy dandy bullet points...

• I signed a lease for my very first very own one bedroom apartment. Holy cow. I'm super excited.
• can't wait to have an entire space to.my.self.
• also can't wait to be able to walk around with or without clothing just cause I can. TMI?

• I'm currently home for the next few weeks building my support team 
• We've just changed our funding system and are now each responsible for raising the funds necessary to fulfill our missions on campus. 
• Super daunting. 
• I'm trying to see it as a challenge. 
• it most definitely is.
• had some success
• please pray?

That's all I have energy for at the moment....I have less than high hopes of being better at this in the future....maybe when I retire....

xo, morgan