#NASBoston Recap: Being Tourists! {part 2}

This second part is reeeeally long (but has a lot of pictures!) so my apologies in advance :)
{part 1 here}

After Jen and I finished up at CatholicTV, Bonnie dropped us back off at Shae's house. At this point it was sometime after noon...and we were STARVING. Probably because, duh, when you only have a half a cup of coffee for breakfast...you're gonna be hungry. Dumb.

We wanted to:
1. head towards downtown (we were staying out in Brighton, a good ways away)
2. get some fooood
3. enjoy the gorgeous weather

So we quickly changed, grabbed the sticky-note map Shae had left us and navigated ourselves toward the nearest bus stop. Now, let me just remind you that neither Jen nor I have ever been to Boston...heck I could barely tell you which way DT Boston was from Brighton. Add onto that attempting to decipher random bus stop signs AND my mounting hanger/hunger sickness....well, we were a lost cause. I'm pretty sure anytime Jen asked my opinion on where I thought we should be waiting, I just replied "Let's just find food."
Sorry, lady!

I'm gonna make a long story short because I'm sure Jen will be able to fill you in on the full story, basically, in trying to head downtown, we got on the bus going the wrong way...should have been standing on the other side of the street and we would have arrived at our destination 30ish minutes sooner. I probably would have thought this was a funny occurance if I wasn't so freaking hungry! Sorry again, Jen. I'm kind of a grump without food!!

We finally got near downtown and found a Bruegger's for lunch...by now it was probably 3PM? 2PM or 3PM I'd say.

But it was nice to sit and chat about our morning once I was back to being a functional human being AND THEN I realized that our interview had been posted on the CatholicTV website! But Jen had run to a shop next store for a new phone charger, so I had to wait for her to get back. AHHHH!

We had to search for our part of the show (around 22:27) but we sat right there in the bagel place and watched ourselves on TV!!! So fun. It was so surreal watching ourselves on TV...and honestly, while I thought the interview had gone really well, watching it back...shoot! We did awesome!! ha!

Reveling in our new found fame and success (kidding!), Jen and I made our way to where we thought the river would be...and wouldn't ya know? We found it without any transportation issues! ;)

Gorgeous view of the city!

Jen and I walked through THEE cutest park/trail area along the river and found a place to sit and relax in the sun. The weather was absolutely perfect: a touch of wind and sunny. Gorgeous! It was so fun just to relax and debrief from our day together! Since this was only our second time being together in person, and the first time we were with 6 other people, it was so nice just to sit and chat about life. Jen and I talk ALL THE TIME...like text, gchat, phone, etc. a few times a week, so we're pretty close friends and it's weird to remember that we've only ever been in the same location twice! How insane!
But I definitely consider her one of my best friends so it was great to spend some time just the two of us!

After lounging in the park for a bit, nearly getting run over by dogs, runners, and adorable children, we decided that going "home" was the best idea. I didn't want to be a wet blanket, but SO hoped Jen wanted to go back haha So when she suggested getting some New England clam chowder to go...AH. Best.

On our way back through the park, we came across this dude playing his upright bass beneath a willow tree...how hipster of him! We started taking pictures of him and others joined in. ha!

Upon returning back at Shae's, we got into our PJs, warmed up our "chowda", and may have watched our interview a few more times...

"Where is he?!"

I couldn't resist making a GIF out of this!!!

After our loooong day (it's exhausting being stars! ;) I had no shame in curling up for bed around 10PM. We wanted to do a lot on Saturday, so I needed my rest!!

No alarms set, no schedule planned, we woke up Saturday refreshed. And Shae, being THE BEST EVER, made us coffee and toast with HOMEMADE JAM. We decided to go to brunch on the South End and MAN OH MAN did it live up to my high expectations.

Ok, seriously. If you ever make it out to Boston, go to Aquitaine. Their pimento and ham omelette is to.die.for. And the cinnamon bun was delish. Aaaand their mimosas were amazing. It was all perfect.

After brunch, we had to walk off all of that deliciousness, so Shae showed us a bit of downtown, including the Boston Public Gardens.

Above group photo stolen from Jen's post....LOVE IT!!! We were so excited to wear fall clothes! ha!

We walked around in the park for awhile and when we came out of the other side, we saw this huge festival going on across the street! Now, I LOVE festivals. Love large crowds of people, love fair food, just love the energy that comes with a huge group of people joining together for one event. We heard music, saw tents, and since we were headed in that direction, I said "let's just go through here and see what's going on!"

We started walking through the crowd, glancing at different tables and booths...and I started noticing a theme.

"Hemp Brownie Mix"
"Northeastern Institute of Cannabis"
"Boston Pot Report"

....there's no way. Did we just stumble into modern day Woodstock?! By the time we realized that we were in the middle of a "Hemp Fest", it was too late. We were headed toward the food trucks and the crowd was taking us with them.

All we could do was try to stick together and crack up along the way. It was one of the most entertaining mishaps of our trip, by far.

We finally made our way out of the crowd and kept moving in the direction of the Boston Harbor. I told Jen when we were talking about what we hoped to see while in Boston that all I really wanted to see was the Boston Harbor....ya know, Boston Tea Party site?! I'm no history buff, but that kind of stuff is cool to me :)

We finally made it to the harbor and took in the general splendor...

It was all very cool and I was satisfied. About this time we began to head in the direction of Mass, where we were planning to meet up with Catherine!! So many blogger meet-ups in one weekend!!

We got to the chapel address and realized....wait, is mass INSIDE the shopping mall?!

After checking a map, yep! Looks like the St. Francis Chapel is right by the Dunkin' Donuts!

How cool is that?!

After mass, we met back up with Shae and grabbed some Starbucks before dinner (thanks for the giftcard, Bonnie!!) It was so fun getting to know Catherine! I hadn't been following her blog or twitter, so this was the first time we'd ever really interacted. But, we're a lot alike and got to talking about some of our mutual interests (namely, NFP haha) She is hilarious! And being from Toronto, who knows when this kind of meet-up will be able to happen again!

Shae had suggested this tapas restaurant "close by", so we headed that way, but first stopped by Perpetual Adoration at a parish Catherine and her husband visit often. So gorgeous! And how great to have Perpetual Adoration available in the middle of a busy city?!

On our way to dinner, we realized that Shae's version of "close by" is very different than our interpretation! But, this might have been influenced by the rain and our aching feet. It felt like we had to walk 5 miles. Mayyybe a slight exaggeration.

Unfortunately, the place we planned on eating had about a 2 hr wait (LITERALLY standing room only), so we went to a different restaurant nearby for authentic Venezuelan food. DELICIOUS! Orinoco was such a cute little place and it was the perfect setting to be able to hold a conversation. After going to the ladies room, Catherine reported back that there were religious candles in the bathroom!! What?!

So cool! Clearly, this was where we were meant to eat :) And, in talking to our server, we found out that his Grandfather had lived in Champaign! How crazy!!

Post-dinner and drinks, we were so stuffed, but every person we had talked to at CatholicTV said that we MUST go to the North End for cannolis. So after walking Catherine back to adoration where she would wait for her husband to finish with his music gig, we headed to the Italian neighborhood for dessert!

Can you believe it? I'd never eaten a cannoli! Apparently, there are two places that have the best cannolis in town, so we got a couple from each and cabbed it back to Brighton.

Wanting to give both Mike's and Modern an equal shot to win our vote, Jen and I tried cannolis from each...

I'll be honest, I wasn't a huge fan of the cannolis. Maybe it was because I was SO full from dinner, but the ricotta was just soooo rich. Between the two, I'd definitely be in the Modern camp, though the service was much quicker at Mike's, albeit less friendly.

After dessert, it was time to pack up and hit the hay since our cab was coming at *gasp* 5AM. UGH.

Waking up Sunday morning was rough, we hated saying goodbye, and I wish Jen and I could have hung out together before our flights, but whatcha gonna do.

Overall, travelling to Boston was an exhilarating experience. Between CatholicTV, hanging out with great friends, and experiencing a new city...you can't ask for much more! Jen and I parted saying "let's not wait too long before getting together again!!" so when/if we plan another trip and you're in the area, let's see each other!

The more people I meet who I've originally met through the NAS or other social media sites, the more I thank God for His hand in all of this. I know for a fact that Jen and I were called to the ministry that is the Not Alone Series and I can't wait to see where He takes us next!

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading! Stay tuned for an exciting giveaway opportunity on Tuesday!!!

Making Friends as an Adult

Back in the day, the NAS ladies linked-up posts talking about building real-life community. At that time, I was in one of my blogging ruts (read: like always) and neglected that topic. Mea culpa.

Well, I've been thinking about this exact topic for...oh, probably more than 2 years. No joke.

You see, when college graduation is rapidly approaching and you realize that no matter where you go, you'll need to start from scratch in the friend department...eek! Cue freak out mode!!

When I graduated from college a little more than 2 years ago, I moved to a city only 45 minutes from where I went to school, but I was going to be living with people I didn't know, in a city where I knew few people, setting out of this journey we call "adulthood".

Within the first 6 months, I had moved twice, got used to two different batches of roommates, and readjusted to 2 different "seasons" of my work (summer and school year...very different levels of crazy!). So it took a solid 9 months before I realized "huh...it would be nice to make some friends my own age."

I work with college students all day, who I love, but adult friendships are essential to filling my social tank. And at the time, I lived with 4 other women, so for a while I just relied on that internal community to suffice...but it wasn't enough for my ENFP personality type.

After doing some searching around for young adult communities and activities available through the local parishes, I became discouraged. There was very little to offer. A couple of communities existed, but weren't what I was looking for. I just wanted to have a social community that could potentially lead to deeper events (bible studies, talk series, etc.), but I believe that building friendships is the essential first step.

So I was left with this dilemma: What the heck?! Where are all the young people?! Single, married, didn't matter to me...I want to be your friend! In college it was so easy to make friends! Dorms are natural places to meet new people, plus the hundreds of clubs and interest groups were perfect places to make friends. I found met most of my close friends through the Newman Center...but where was the adult version of this?!

these ladies are some of my best friends from college....where were the people like them?!
photo circa senior year spring break in Gulf Shores, AL

It's almost funny to look back and remember where I was a year ago: frustrated after meeting with my (former) pastor who told me that single people and married people can't be friends because they can't relate to each other (not true, by the way) and simply wanting to build some holy friendships with people who would build me up as a person and vice versa.

But it's not really funny, because this is a very real reality for many young adults who struggle to build friendships in post-college life.

Today, I have (THANK GOD!) a thriving social life and a group of friends who are some of the best people I've ever known. We have so much fun together and I leave our gatherings renewed in mind and spirit. We hold each other accountable, we encourage personal and spiritual growth, and we genuinely love spending time together.

So how did this all happen?! What changed?? Well, I have a couple of pieces of advice for anyone who is where I was a year ago. I truly know where you're coming from, and while I'm no expert, maybe some of this could help you :)


Take Initiative

A common complaint I hear (and have said) is "The Church doesn't minister to us young people! There are events for high school students, college kids, and married folk...but what about us? There's a gap they're missing and it's so frustrating!"

Yep, that's annoying.

BUT when you think about it, YOU are the Church. YOU are part of the body of Christ. So if YOU feel the need for a new ministry, it might be up to YOU to create something through your parish or with other young adults you know. It can be super intimidating, especially if you don't have the support of your pastor, but you can't always wait around for someone else to address a need you have, sometimes we need to step up and lead!

I'm so grateful for the amazing priests who helped my friends and I meet new people, without them, we wouldn't have any of these relationships. But what it took was stopping our belly-aching and telling them that we had this need, we wanted to address it, and asking for them to help us.


Keep it Simple

When a new young adult group is being created, sometimes there's a tendency to begin with a bible study, or a theological discussion, or or or. But, from my experience, these events can be a.) difficult to just get to know people and b.) intimidating for new people to join and feel comfortable.

We started our "Young Professionals" group by going out for dinner. There were 4 people to start (2 priests, 2 young adults) and each person was instructed to bring at least one friend to dinner. That first dinner brought out 10 people. Then at that dinner, the next dinner date and time was set and everyone agreed to bring a new person. And so on and so on and so on....

Now, we have an email list that goes out to 42 young adults. Yep, 42! Insane! Not everyone comes to dinner each time, and there is a group of about 12 of us who've become close friends, but all of these 42 people have come to a dinner at one point or another! Those of us who wanted to build community did.

Dinner is non-threatening, casual, and hey! Everyone has to eat, right? By starting off simple, authentic friendships can be formed and deeper events can bloom (ex: bible study, silent retreat, etc.).


Don't Give Up!

The desire for community is natural! It is how we were made! God said in Genesis “it is not good for the man to be alone" and this doesn't just relate to marriage! We were made to live in community, so even if it feels like there isn't anyone else who wants to make friends, believe me, they're out there!

I think an important thing to keep in mind is that you aren't just doing this for yourself. This is a ministry for others as well, to serve others in their journey toward striving-to-be-holy community. It really is essential that if God is putting this desire on your heart, which is a GOOD desire, you try to do His will and build community. Yes, you will benefit in the process, but you'll also be serving others like you!

Despite potential frustration, set-backs, or lack of understanding from others that might occur, I encourage you to press on! Don't give up!


I hope some of this helps! Please let me know if I can elaborate or be more clear! And don't hesitate to ask questions! I have been so blessed by the community I've found and want to help anyone I can to do the same!

And for those of you would are part of a thriving young adult community, what has your experience been? What advice do you have? Please share!

Not Alone Series: Social Media

Our lives tend to revolve around social media and knowing what's happening in everyone's lives. How has this effected your life? In your experience, has social media made dating easier? Harder? 

i.e. not judging something you see about the guy you're dating on Twitter/FB

Jen suggested this topic after the following video was floating around, you guessed it, social media.

Kind of ironic that a video encouraging us to ditch the phones and "constant connections" went viral.

Have you seen it? Did it make you think?

When I first watched this video, I really wanted to throw my (brand new barely had it for a week) phone out the window.
....and 5 minutes later I was texting and checking Instagram as usual.

But I will say this: since seeing this video, I've become more aware of my, and others', usage of technology when in a social setting.

I spent this weekend with my best friends from college. The six of us haven't all been together since a wedding two years ago. Since then, one has been married for nearly 2 year, two got engaged, and one is about to move to Texas. We have TONS to talk about.

So cute!

But you know what kept happening throughout the time we spent together?
Even when the conversation was moving along, somene would be checking her phone.
Occasionally, someone would be texting.
There were even times when we were all silent and some of us were zoned out while the others checked Facebook, Instagram, what have you.

Y'all, we have PLENTY to talk about. Exciting things are happening! We haven't spent this much quality time together in TWO YEARS!

Yet, a portion of our weekend was spent forsaking one another for the glow of our phones.

Now, I'm not perfect. I certainly could learn to leave my phone zipped in my purse more often.
Even during the time that I've been writing this post, I've checked Facebook a couple times.

What is with our constant need to be connected?
Is the world going to crumble if you don't tweet your feelings at.this.very.moment.?
Will your food taste less delicious if you don't first 'gram a picture of it?
What would happen if you didn't text your friend back right.now.?

Yesterday, (Happy Memorial Day!) I went to a barbecue at a friend's house. I had a lot to carry, so when I got out of my car, I put my phone in my purse so I could use both hands for the loot.
And you know what happened?
I got to the party, dropped my purse at the door, got talking, and forgot about my phone for 4+ hrs.

There were a couple times throughout the evening when I thought "oh, I wonder if so-and-so texted me back...oh, I wonder if so-and-so emailed me....oh, I wonder if so-and-so posted pictures from this weekend..."
But despite the ingrained habit of constantly being connected, I was immediately sucked back into the present. Instead, I was able to focus entirely on the person in front of me, to give my undivided attention to them.

I'm sure you know how frustrating it is when the person you're talking to keeps checking their phone. It feels like they don't really care about what you have to say, as if they wish that you'd just shut up already.
Do you know how that feels? I definitely do.

So then, why would I do that to someone else?

I'm making an effort to be more present in the present moment.
Will you join me?

**And in regards to dating and social media, my advice is this:

Googling your date: not a bad thing
Analyzing your date's tagged pictures and freaking out about the girls he has his arm around: bad thing.

Social media can be our friend, but shouldn't replace normal human interaction.

What do you think about social media? How has it influenced your life? What about your dating life?
Link up below!

--------------

Next week's topic:

NAS year in review

June 4th, 2013 was the very first NAS post! How has your life changed in the past year? How has the NAS community impacted you? Where would you like to see the NAS go in the future?

to the younger singles

**this post is simply an analysis of my own thoughts/feelings, not a response to comments from others**

Something's been bothering me for weeks now and I have to get it off my chest.

Recently, I've felt guilty for feeling sad or upset or forlorn about being single because I'm still "young".

I talk to other women (and men!) who are several years older than I am, and while they lament about their being single and their longing for their vocation, I nod along...completely understanding where they're coming from. I too feel that pain.
But then they look at me and say, "Oh, but you're still so young. You have plenty of time."

Ok, so I'm aware that I'm only 23. (I'll be 24 next month.)

But does that mean that my aching, my longing, for marriage is less valid? 
Does my age mean that I can't possibly comprehend how an "older" single must feel?
Does it prevent me from truly understanding your pain?

Is it because I talk of living in "the now"?
Is it because I attempt to find joy in the everyday, regardless of the fact that my life is not what I expected?
Is it because my "biological clock" still has time?
(By the way, that's totally insensitive to assume. You don't know the details of my biology.)

"You're so young. You have plenty of time."

Friend, that doesn't make me feel any better.
If anything, it makes me question whether or not I can be open and honest with you about my sufferings as I, too, am waiting to live out my vocation. If anything, instead of helping us to grow in solidarity as fellow singletons, I feel bad about my longing for marriage and everything that comes with it because somehow, you seem to be telling me that everything I'm experiencing isn't as bad as it is for you. Because I'm younger.

Now, I must clarify that these feelings of guilt aren't always perpetrated by someone older than myself. Occasionally, someone will express "oh, I thought it was bad when I was single in college/right after college/in my mid-twenties, but now that I'm {insert older age here}, oh, it's unbearable!"
I know they're only sharing their feelings, and they should! I'm glad they feel comfortable enough to express their raw emotions!
But in my head, I think, "oh my gosh, maybe they think that my feelings are silly...maybe they are silly, I mean, I'm not even 25...but I do desperately long for marriage...but if I share that will they think I'm silly?"

Granted, these thoughts can be created just by my own judgement of what I expect others to perceive of me. Though they might have previous experience linked to them, I'm positive that many of my friends who are older than I and unmarried rarely think this about me.
(I would say "never think", but "never" is fairly presumptuous)

But friends, as much as I attempt to live life to the fullest, and I write on this here blog about "living in the now" and "experiencing today"...well, it isn't easy. As much as I do believe all of that, and I pray that even if I am still single at 30, 35, etc. I will hold onto the same hope I have today, living this out isn't simple.
I do not mean to make it sound easy.
Living as a faithful Catholic who's desperately attempting every day to not be bitter and angry about not being married yet is a challenge. Nay, it is a complete struggle.
But if I tend to err on the side of "life is beautiful! go out and experience it!", I must admit that it might be due to the fear of being one of those "younger singles" who thinks her life is so "horrible".

I cringe at the thought of a 30-40-something reading my blog and scoffing at me as I pour out my heart...all because I'm "so young".

So this one goes out to all my young Christian sisters, whether you're in high school or college, in your early 20s or late 30s...if you are unmarried and feel called to marriage, no matter your age, your struggles, your fears, everything you feel is valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And if you want to talk or blog about it, DO IT. We need to grow in solidarity with one another because we are not alone. If every young, single woman waited until she was of an "appropriate" age to begin sharing how much it sucks to be single when you want to be married, well, how would this be helping anyone?

And if you're reading this and thinking "oh man, I'm older than 25 and have likely said that to a younger single before", I encourage you to be better in the future. Embrace your younger single friends.
Help them to see that if life doesn't go according to their expectations, all is not lost.
Show them that life is worth embracing at every age.

Know of my prayers for each and every one of you and your vocations!

Not Alone Series: Bachelorette Parties!

Hello and welcome back! Today we're talking about something fuuun: Bachelorette parties!

It's inevitable that we'll attend or plan a friend's Bachelorette party at some point or another, but how do we make them fun without all the raunch? Give us your ideas for fun things to do with a bridal party without all the crazy!

I love everything about celebrating weddings. 

The dress fittings, the bridal showers, the gift-giving, the last minute emergencies, EVERYTHING.

However, the prospect of a bachelorette party makes me slightly apprehensive. Don't get me wrong, I love parties...but depending on who plans the night, it could be potentially uncomfortable.

Thankfully, I've never been to a stereotypical bachelorette party, although one of my cousin's bridesmaids did send her a box of "goodies"....thank God she opened that after we all got home.

Why would anyone want to wear a necklace or headband with genitals on it? No thanks.

The one and only tip I have for planning a bachelorette party is to tailor the night for your bride. My vision for every bachelorette party I've planned is the ultimate girls night out, with the specific bride in mind.

My dear friend J got married when we were 20, so bars and other 21+ venues were out of the question. So we all took the train into the city (Chicago) for a day at the zoo and hanging out with one another. This certainly wasn't a classic bach party, but it was perfect for us at the time. And really, it was what J wanted...she loved it because we planned it for her.

K's bachelorette party was right after we graduated from college. But even while we were in school, going out to bars and dancing wasn't in her comfort zone. So, again, we went into the city for the day, hung out at Navy Pier at night, and staying in a lush hotel suite for the night. It was so fun and the perfect post-graduation pre-wedding celebration.

Before my cousin's wedding this summer, we celebrated with dinner and attending an improv show. Low-key and chill, exactly what she wanted.

And in 3 months, when we celebrate the upcoming nuptials of one of my best friends, we'll be opting for a classic GNO bar-hopping with nary an anatomical headband in sight. Because this is what she's asked for.

When it comes down to it, bachelorette parties don't have to live up to any particular standard, just make sure you plan the perfect night for your bride. Perhaps it isn't the perfect night for everyone in attendance, but what matters is that the bachelorette has the night with her girls that she wanted.

 What are your ideas for non-raunchy bachelorette parties? Link up your post below!

------------------------------

Next week's topic:

Why not both?

We've been hearing a lot that "married people and single people can't relate to one another". What is your perspective on this? In what ways can we bridge the gap between singles and marrieds? 

March 18th: Single life bucket listWhat are those things that you want to do before you get married (or enter the religious life)? Is there anything that you're excited to do, accomplish, etc. before engagement, marriage, and babies come along? Even if you feel that you've done everything you wanted to do pre-marriage, dig deeper and see if there isn't anything else you'd like to do!

------------------------------

Please email us any topic suggestions you have! Jen and I want to select topics that pertain to your life! Help us plan the next topic schedule! :)

Not Alone Series: "guess who's engaged?!"

Hello dear friends! I do apologize for my absence, I'm just now fully recovered from the past week and a half! I cannot wait to tell you all about the craziness that has been January. 

(WAIT. It's almost FEBRUARY?!)

As my lovely NAS accountability partner knows, one of my additional goals for this new year is to take better care of myself. Even if that means stepping away from my blogging, I need to make my health (and sanity!) a bigger priority. I hope you understand :)

BUT enough with all of that...let's get on with this week's prompt!

Do you struggle with balancing the sting of hearing about yet another proposal with genuine excitement? What emotions come into play? What virtues do you enlist to deal with it all?

Well, we're once again immersed in engagement season, and I'll admit, more than once have I texted Jen saying: 

"WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THE SEASON OF FREAKING ENGAGEMENTS. 

I'M NOT BITTER JUST ASKING."

^^^ direct quote ^^^

Here's the thing, y'all. I am so very happy...thrilled, really...for the ladies and gents I know who are newly engaged and over the moon with excitement because this is what they've been waiting for for so long. I am. 

I know that longing, really...I know. 

So the fact that they're taking a step closer to living out their vocation is awesome. Beautiful, really.

But that doesn't make my ache go away.

At times, seeing others' happiness gives me hope that the Lord truly does have a plan for me, too.

And other times, I just want to throw a television off a bridge.

It's realllllly difficult to be happy for others when they have something that I desperately desire.

Ugh. That ugly, green-eyed monster called envy. What is one to do? How am I supposed to genuinely squeal with my best friend whose boyfriend just proposed when deep down I can feel the bubble of bitterness rising? Why is it that beneath my joy for others, there's a fire of rage?

I think some of that comes from a discontent with one's own life. If you're unhappy with your life, OF COURSE you're going to wish you had something else. This easily leads to wishing you have what others have, which very easily leads to jealousy. 

Otherwise known as coveting.

We have a tendency (speaking for myself, assuming that others are the same) to forget that the 10th commandment forbids this impurity of heart.

"You shall not covet your neighbor's goods" does not just apply to material things; we must also not covet immaterial things.

Gosh. That's kinda heavy...

um yeah, because it's Truth.

Ok, but how do we combat this? If I'm striving for purity of heart in ALL things, how am I to achieve this?

My best suggestion is prayer.

A couple of years ago, I was struggling to love one of my "neighbors". When I sought counsel from a priest, he gave me the best advice I could have ever received. 

He told me to pray for them.

I was really annoyed. 

"Uhh...Father, I really don't want to pray for them..."

His response?

"That's why you must."

The beauty of prayer and the work of the Holy Spirit is that when you're intentionally praying for someone, especially someone you're struggling to love, gradually your heart is softened. Over time, my begrudging prayer became sincere. My hardened heart became putty in my Maker's hands. I began to genuinely desire that the Lord's will be done in my neighbor's life, not just what I hoped would happen.

So this is what I'm striving for as more&more&more of my friends/acquaintances/relatives/etc become engaged and get married. Please know of my prayers for each and every one of you and I ask that you keep me in yours as well.

What are your thoughts? Link up below!

---------------------------------------

Next week's topic:

Chastity: A Choice

Living chastely (not just abstinence) is a choice. Have you ever had to defend your choice to live out chastity? If not, why do you choose chastity?

February 11th: If only I knew then what I know now...
What would you tell your former self about being single if given the chance? What have you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self?

Not Alone Series: Surviving the Holidays and an ANNOUNCEMENT!

Before we get into the post....Jen and I have an announcement!

Did you watch the video?!



Don't keep reading until you've watched it!!!



Ok, did you watch it?






AHHHHH are you excited as I am?!?!

I CANNOT wait to spend a weekend with anyone and everyone who can make it! Jen and I have been crawling out of our skins waiting to tell y'all and now that its out....YAHOOO!!!

This trip has been a long time coming, we've been talking about the possibility of a get together like this for a couple of months and wanted to be able to tell you far enough in advance in order to make travel plans, ask off of work, etc.

Savannah, GA - July 18-20, 2014
Be there.
More details will be given to those who email BOTH me and Jen!
I hope you're able to make it!!!

Alrighty, back to the last NAS post of 2013! Can you believe that we've all be writing and getting to know one another for nearly SIX months?! Insane. What a blessing.

I'm looking forward to reading everyone's posts about this weeks topic...I think it's a fun one! Here's the prompt as a reminder:

The holidays are coming up! Family parties, friend gatherings... and you're single. How do you "cope"? 

Any tips or tricks?

I LOVE the holidays. Mostly because my big, crazy family loves being together, which makes family gatherings all the more fun. Plus, there are more than a few nuts in the ol' family tree. We like to have a good time.

My extended family is unusually close. And while that's something that I love, it can also lead to everyone getting in each other's business and all that. Annoying.

Are you dating anyone?! Well why the heck not?! When I was your age, I had a different date every weekend!

And when are you planning on getting married? You know, you're the next kid in line for that, Morgan!

Ok, maybe cousin Bob is next, and you're after him, but he's got plenty of time! You need to get on that!

But Morgan, don't you want to have kids while you're young? Make sure you don't wait too long to find a man!

Hey, maybe you could date our neighbor's sister's son! He's single!

Ohhhh, but the only blind date that would work for you is someone who's actually blind! BAHAHAHA

...these are all nearly verbatim (the blind date joke is a direct quote).

So how the heck is one supposed to survive such events?

Wine. Lots and lots of wine.

Juuuuuust kidding.

First, I mentally prepare myself for this onslaught of questions and suggestions and wonderings.

When I've gone in, expecting everyone to be interested in the fact that I'm loving my job, or I've moved into my very own apartment, or that I'm able to have higher-level conversations about philosophy or religion.....those are the events when I'm completely unprepared for the relationship inquiries. 

And those are the events when I leave exhausted because I wasn't expecting them.

Second, I aim to respond in the most patient and charitable way possible.

Truth is, I'm 98% comfortable with the fact that I'm single. But if I allow myself to get flustered, I come across as defensive and occasionally rude.

I try to remember that most of my aunts and uncles got married when they were my age. They're only asking questions because they love me and are interested in the next big parts of my life.

Could they afford to be a bit less intrusive?

YES.

But I can still calmly respond and show them that "wow, maybe being single in your early-to-mid 20s isn't a catastrophic event..."

Maybe they need to experience someone who isn't fearful of the future and is hopeful for what may come.

Third, I know how to have a sense of humor.

It's very easy to get "prickly" when people bring up sensitive subjects. And let's be honest, what's more sensitive than the fact that you're single when you long to not be single?

However, more often than not, the teasing about "ending up as an old maid" or being a "cat lady" is meant to be all in good fun. Are those kinds of jokes insensitive? 

Um, yeah.

But I would bet that your Uncle Earl doesn't tease you out of malice. He thinks you can handle it.

And you can. Just make sure your wine glass is always full.

I kid, I kid. kinda

The holidays are fun! And we get to celebrate our Lord's birth with the people we love most! Dreading the holidays for fear of what people might ask or say, well that's just silly.

How do you "survive" the holidays when you're single? Write up a post and link up over at Jen's!

-------------------------

This is the last topic for 2013! 

We will resume the Not Alone Series on January 14, 2013.

If you are interested in joining us in Savannah, GA for our girls weekend, please email me at mvmcfar(at)gmail.com and email Jen at jennifercox.rn(at)gmail.com!

Not Alone Series: Vulnerability with Friends

Hello! We're back at my place again this week...Jen has been spending time with her cuter-than-cute nieces, so I'm giving her a break to get settled back into real life :) This week's topic:

Do you find that your non-single friends struggle with relating to you or vice versa? If so, in what ways? How do you handle it? What is something that you would like them to know or understand that they just don't seem to get?

Most of my friends are in serious relationships, engaged, or married. And I love it. (usually) 

I love seeing my girlfriends in fulfilling relationships and I love watching my guy friends navigate the estrogen ocean ;)

Some of them are nearing engagement (exciting!), others are planning weddings (super exciting!!), and a few are married and have little ones whom I love dearly. Learning through my friends and their experiences with love in all different stages of romantic relationships is an invaluable experience.

BUT.

There are many times when they just can't relate to my life and struggles as a single woman.

It's not that they don't try...believe me, they do. They listen and empathize and attempt to give advice, and I appreciate it.
But there's always the voice in the back of my mind saying "you don't really know what I'm going through."

They all met and wed their beloved when they were younger than I.

They were never graduated from college and single and working.

They don't know what it's like to see all of their friends marry and birth babes and wonder when their day will come.

And that's ok, because that's their story, not mine.

However it makes it difficult for having reciprocal friendships.

Because, let's be honest, I can't relate to their complaints of in-laws or video-playing fiances/husbands or sleepless baby-crying nights.

Now, this doesn't go for all of my in-relationship-friends. One of my closest friends is a couple years older than I and she's been single for the entirety of our friendship (5 years). She just began dating this guy (who's great and I totally approve!) a few weeks ago, so while she's dating someone, she can still relate to the struggles I face as a singleton.

I so appreciate having a friend who knows how I feel, even though she isn't in this same place at the moment.

It gives me hope.

She's a testament to the "I know it sucks, but enjoy the ride for now and be patient for the future" mentality
....because she's lived it. Hearing that advice from her means so much more to me than my friend who married straight out of college telling me the exact same thing.

So what's a girl to do?

Should I simply avoid anyone in a relationship until I'm in one myself and we can therefore relate to one another?

Mmmm no.

I think it's important to have friendships with people at all different stages of life.

Authentic, organic friendships should occur between people regardless of your "relationship status".

I like to have a mix.

My single friends help me to know that I'm not alone in feeling the way that I am. And if we're living in true friendships, we're able to help one another through rough patches. We are there for one another in solidarity. We are not alone.

My in-relationship-but-have-been-where-I-am friends are a source of hope and encouragement and affirmation in my feelings as a single woman. They can relate.

My married/engaged friends are such great models of holy romances. They help me to know what I'm truly looking for in a relationship, what matters and what doesn't. And you know what? While they might not be able to relate to my particular situation, they've had struggles of their own. Maybe I can learn from something they've had to deal with!

What about you? Do you struggle having non-single friends and relating to one another? Write a post and link it up below!

--------------------

Next week's topic:

Surviving events/parties as a singleton

The holidays are coming up! Family parties, friend gatherings... and you're single. How do you "cope"? Any tips or tricks?

------------------

Just a reminder that we've decided to take a break from the Not Alone Series until January 14, 2014. Feel free to continue to blog about your single life experiences, but we just won't be having anything formal until January!

the quickity quicks

Linking up with Jen for the first time in forrrrevvverrrr.....

[1] Happy All Saints Day! Cassie Pease Designs asked on Facebook what our favorite saints were...without hesitation, my favorite saint is St. Gianna. I mean, I love allll of them, but if I had to choose, and we're assuming that Mama Mary is a given, then I'd say St. Gianna. She's seriously just one of the greatest role models of perfect love and sacrifice.

Ok, and I really love St. Joseph, but again, I feel like that's a given ;)

[2] I've been sick off-and-on this whole week and yesterday I completely forgot that it was Halloween....multiple times. Like, I would remember...and then forget.....and then remember again. This was the first year in my entire life that I haven't dressed up. Though I honestly didn't miss it.

[3] I just have to share some of my current favorite songs. I can't not.

That 70s Song - The Cab



[4] Come to Me - Goo Goo Dolls



[5] Have you stumbled upon Chris's blog yet? He's a former UIUC student and current FOCUS missionary. He always has thought provoking posts, but his most recent guest post on Same Sex Attraction is a winner for sure. Seriously. Go read it.

[6] Anyone keeping up with the Not Alone Series? Jen and I are completely overwhelmed with how many people we've reached. Who would have thought that a little wondering, wishing, hoping would have turned into all of this?What blessings. What grace. TYF.
And this week's posts blew me away! Check em out!

[7] Ok, I can't end this post without sharing this meme. It kills me.

Have a great weekend and head over to Jen's for more QTs!

7 Quick Takes (28)

Linking up with Jen, et al.

oh hey there....I just realized that I haven't pounded one of these bad boys out since May.

MAY, people. I've gotta get this shiz together.

hopefully I remember how to do one of these things...

[1] Last weekend, my dear cousin Ryan was married and oh man, what a party. He and I were the ringbearer and flowergirl, respectively, in his parents' wedding....20 YEARS AGO.
And now he's married. 

So crazy.

I couldn't be happier for Ry....expect that now I'm "next in line" to be wed as the second oldest grandchild. Wahhhhh

[2] This article. A must read for EVERYONE. I don't care if you aren't single....read it. And if you ARE single, you better read it right now. Do it.

[3] My little baby cousin Mason Oliver was born on Wednesday! SOSOSO excited that the next round of baby-bearing years on this side of my family has begun! 

[4] Do you pray novenas? Do you want to pray novenas? Click here to discover an awesome tool to help you pray more novenas. The next one starts on Sunday to St. Therese!

[5] This:

[6] I love this interview with Fr. Rocky of Relevant Radio in Chicago and hope to write about my thoughts on Pope Francis's interview next week.

[7] Tonight I get to hangout with my very best friend doing one of my very favorite things.  Fo free.
I CANNOT WAIT.

Check out other 7QTs over at Jen's and have a splendid weekend!

xo, mo

Not Alone Series: friendly love

This week the topic is "Love within Friendship".

We talk a lot about romantic love, so it's a nice change of pace :)

I will be the first to say that love within friendship is different from romantic love. But regardless of the type of relationship, this love should be present.

Why? Well, because Jesus told us....

"This is my commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." - John 15:12,13

Guess what, people? Loving your friends can be hard - no, scratch that, it WILL be hard. But look at what Jesus says! We're meant to lay down our lives for our friends! 

Laying down our lives - whether that be in the form of holding them accountable, or in sacrificing your "free time" to invest in your relationship, or in learning to stretch and grow into a new "season" of you friendship after one of you gets married or has a baby.

Being a good friend...and LOVING your friends isn't always easy. It takes effort.

One of my favorite and least favorite ways to love my friends is through accountability.

It's my least favorite because it's hard and sometimes awkward and potentially hurtful.

But it's my favorite because it's true love. Accountability helps build my friends up in an eternal way.

A good friend doesn't just sit idly by and watch their friend live their life in a way that isn't building them up.

No.

A good friend challenges them to be better. THAT is how we love them! Real love of a friend isn't appeasing them or "accepting" them no matter what. A good, loving friend is one who seeks to constantly help his/her friend get closer to heaven. 

And I know that not saying anything when my friend is nearing alcoholism is not loving them.

Not saying anything when my friend is in a relationship that isn't good for her soul is not loving her.

Not saying anything when my friend has stopped attending mass on a regular basis is not loving them.

Not saying anything when my friend decides to live with his girlfriend before marriage is not loving him.

These conversations might definitely will be awkward. 

Someone might walk away hurt or angry. But in doing everything with love, I've found that those who are hurt or angry eventually see that you were only trying to love them in the most authentic way you could.

Calling a friend to something higher than what they're living isn't judgmental, it's LOVE.

I hope this makes sense....and if not, maybe I can clarify in a later post. Or, if you disagree with me, leave me a comment! This week has already left my brain feeling fried and it's only Tuesday when you're reading this and only Monday when I wrote this...

Link up below with your perspective on love in friendship!

----------------------

Next week's topic:

Survey!

Answer the following questions so we can get to know one another a bit better!

1. Age

2. Area of country (be as specific or vague as your comfort levels allow :)
3. # of previous relationships (....as in, at least "FB official")
4. What do you do with your life? School? Work? Both? Neither?
5. What's your family like? (let's see some pics!)
6. How did your parents meet? (tell us the story!)
7. Confirmation saint name and why (if you were Catholic at that point in your journey)
8. Favorite Gospel?
9. What are the top three qualities you're looking for in a husband? (who knows, maybe one of us has a cousin or friend to connect you with! ;)
10. If you've done online dating, do you have any advice or experiences to share?
11. Tweetable single-lady advice (140 characters or less of what you'd say to other single ladies)
12. What is your favorite thing to do outside of blogging and work/school?

8/6: Peace
Where do you find it and how do you keep it?
(inspired by Jen's Follow the Peace post)

8/13: Should/can women pursue men?
What do you think? Any and all perspectives welcome!!!

Not Alone Series: "just friends"

Linking up over at Jen's today for another round of the Not Alone Series!

This is an age-old question that has been plaguing the minds of well-meaning men and women wayyy before Harry made it a thing:



And so here we are. Asking the same question of you all, and requesting your thoughts. And SURPRISE. I have some of my own. ;)

So. Can guys and gals be "just friends"?

Well, it depends. I know, I know...we all hate that answer.
"It depends". RELATIVISM! GAHHH!
buuuuut since we're dealing with what I don't believe to be a moral Truth issue, Imma let this one slide.

Ok, so why does it depend?

Welllll, I'm a firm believer that men and women CAN be friends with one another because I have some veryveryvery close guy friends. BUT there are a couple factors that come into play in order to make these relationships possible:

1. Within these relationships, neither of us have a romantic interest in the other.

2. I'm also very close with their wives/girlfriends.

This isn't to say that you can't be friends with someone who you've been romantically interested in at one point or another, but in my experience, I've only been able to have authentically close friendships with guy friends once our friendship becomes completely platonic (regardless if the initial feelings were one-sided or not). Additionally, when/if these guy friends have a significant other, the only way that I've been able to maintain that friendship is if I'm also close with her.

I've tried to be friends with guys who don't match one or both of the above factors, and it just ends up being awkward. And like Jen said, I just don't/didn't feel like I could be authentically me.

I have a couple examples.

First, one of my closest guy friends. I've known him for going on 5 years and he's truly like a big brother to me. I trust him and know that he'd be there for me, even if it meant driving 3 hrs in the middle of the night. He also happens to be married to one of my dearest girlfriends. We've known one another for 5 years and they live only a couple of blocks from me. We hang out a good amount each week, both one-on-one and the three of us, and now that they have a babe, I try to sneak over whenever I can ;)
But the point is, I'm able to be true friends with P and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I've never had romantic feelings for him AND that his wife knows me and trusts me. Even though I know that I'd NEVER try to break up any couple, distrust between you and your friend's wife/girlfriend can cause major issues.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is a guy who I'm technically friends with, but I feel uncomfortable with our relationship. He's a nice guy and all, but I always get the vibe that he likes me in a more-than-just-friends way. Maybe it's the 3+ Snapchats from him each day or the little comments he makes about us hanging out alone, etc. Regardless of what it is, I'm not interested and while I've made that clear (VERY explicitly clear), I still don't feel like I can call him up on any given night to grab a drink without him potentially getting the wrong idea.
And I know that our "friendship" is different from what I've had with other guys because I have a guy friend moving to town next month who I wouldn't hesitate to get dinner with multiple nights a week. (again, completely platonic and his girlfriend and I are bffs)

So, in summation, I do think it's possible to be friends with guys....clearly these friendship will look differently than those you have with other women, but I think that's a given. These friendships have taught me A LOT about being able to relate to guy problems and how to communicate with them....skills that I think will help me eventually when I find Mr. Morgan.

But I don't think it's as simple as people might think. I don't think women can be "just friends" with every guy. Many will have romantic interests and others may have girlfriends who you aren't friends with. And, like I said, these are two factors that I've found really determine your ability to have a true friendship with the opposite sex. Keep in mind that these are just my opinions based on my personal experience...I'm not saying you have to follow these guidelines when making guy friends, this is just what I've found to be consistent in my life.

What are your thoughts? Can girls be "just friends" with guys? Are there other components you think I missed? We'd love to hear it!

Link up at Jen's with your writings on being "just friends" with guys!

----------------

Next week's topic:

Favorite Resources

Are there any books, songs, prayers, etc that have helped you during this time of your life? Sharing is caring!

8/6: Envy and Singlehood 
Interpret as you will....

8/13: CHALLENGE TIME! 
So...you think you are called to marriage? What are you doing about it? Go to a young adults activity! Sign up for CatholicMatch.com! Do SOMETHING that allows you to take an active part in writing your story. Praying is important, and we love writing about our thoughts and feelings, but we need to be doing more than just that! God won't just hand everything to us, we've got to make an effort as well!
Or....feeling that religious life is where you're headed? Maybe reach out to a community you're interested in! Have coffee with a sister from another community! Pray, duh. But, it's important to be active in your search for God's will.
On 8/13 we'll all be talking about what we did and how it went!
What's a community without challenging each other?? Can't wait to hear about it!


Again, Jen and I really really REALLY need your ideas for more topics! We've received a few great ones, but please don't be shy! We're hosting the linkup, but we really want everyone to be involved. Please email us or comment on our posts about things you would like to discuss. No topic is out of the question!

Not Alone Series: Despair and Vocations

Thanks to Amanda for suggesting this week's topic!

It is SO easy to feel alone, lost, and forgotten when you so ardently believe that you know what your vocation is meant to be but it just doesn't seem to be happening yet. I don't have all of the answers because I struggle with this kind of despair A LOT and expect/hope to learn more this week from others than be able to lend any advice, but I would like to share some wisdom from others I've picked up along the way.

Those of you who follow me on twitter or are my FB friend (only a few of you out there, I think :) might have seen that last week Tuesday, my grandmother passed away. The wake and funeral were on Sunday and Monday, respectively. Grandma's passing was one of those unexpectedly expected events.
We knew Grandma was slowing down, and had begun to tell everyone that she was ready to pass on from this life.
We knew that her health took a nosedive early last week.
Yet, we didn't expect for her to go so quickly.

And while these past few days have been extremely difficult, I've had the opportunity to reevaluate the way I approach my life currently. It's so easy to waste away your days wishing for something that you don't have and wanting each day that stands between you and your future to pass by quickly. But upon standing back and looking at your life, it's so important to realize that today was yesterday's future. Did you waste yesterday wishing for today? Or did you make the most of the current moment to prepare for tomorrow?

This reevaluation isn't just for you, it's something I have to continually remind myself of.

Another part of the despair of waiting for my "vocation to begin" (the idea of which I kind of hate because aren't we all living out a daily vocation, regardless of our relationship status?? ...another topic for another time...), is the despair that comes from comparing my life to those of others.

At the moment, I struggle most with comparing my life to those of my friends who are engaged or married or married with children. It's especially difficult when I realize that these people are my age and have been married for X number of years and have X number of children.
It's SO EASY to feel completely behind the ball!
I end up sitting back and having projections of my life as an old maid with 50 cats all named "Baby" and freaking out whilst wondering if it's time to join CatholicMatch.com.

Aaaaand then I give my self a mental slap in the face and remember that I'm only 23.
But more than that, even if I were 33 or 43 or 53 and single, the most important thing to remember that this is my story.
MY story.
No one else's.

Yes, my life looks different from my best friend from grade school. (married for 3 years)
Yes, my life looks different from my freshman year dorm-mate. (married 10 months, just had a baby)
YES, my life look different from my best friend from college. (dating a cowboy in TX...literally)
DUH.
That's how it's supposed to be!

It's so easy to think you're not pretty enough or not funny enough or not good enough when at 21 most of your friends were engaged and you were there twiddling your thumbs and just trying to find a friend to do jello shots with. *guilty*
But that's the beauty of life! No one's story is the same, and if we all had the same story, how freaking boring would that be?!

So ladies (and gentlemen?), don't doubt yourself. Trust in the Lord and in His timing and try to enjoy life right now. It doesn't last forever and the future is coming up quick (tomorrow.).

So looking forward to reading your thoughts on vocations and dispelling despair! Link up below, please include a link back to THIS POST and check out Jen's post (it's pretty awesome, just sayin')

----------

Next week's topic:

Who are you right now as a young, single woman?

(here is a blurb from Alex, who emailed this suggestion to help you see what we mean and to get your juices flowing)

We place so much of our identity in other people, in their reactions and responses to us, in whether they take the time to text us or like our status on Facebook. We desire approval more today than ever, and we seek it constantly. So what happens when you’re removed from the reactions of other people and you’re left sitting alone on a bench by the bay with no reaction or encounter except those from God?

I’ll tell you what happens. You begin to meet yourself. Because the truth of your personhood is how you are seen in the eyes of God, and it’s never more revealed to you than when you take time to leave everyone else in the world and to ask him who you are. I thought I was alone when I moved to St. Augustine in August, but what I really had was the most intimate time with God I'll probably ever know, and it’s revealed several things about who I am that I never really saw.