Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Not Alone Series: Loneliness

We all have times when we feel alone. What are ways that you combat loneliness? Pray? Join a group? How can we encourage each other to stay positive? 
Thanks to Laura P!

I was just minding my own business, perusing Facebook, when a post by CatholicTV's Encounter caught my eye. Naturally, I clicked, and imagine my surprise when I hear the following intro to this month's Encounter episode:

"Welcome to the February edition of Encounter. Well, it is February, the month of Valentine's and a lot of people may be thinking about their relationships and about love. For many people who are single, this may not be a time of year that they get particularly excited about but this month we're going to talk to two Catholic single women who are excited about sharing their experiences in the single life with other women in the Not Alone Series."

Ok, y'all. Throughout this intro, I was cracking up. Literally. Doubling over, holding-my-side laughing.

Back in September, Jen and I traveled to Boston to talk about the Not Alone Series on This is the Day, and while there, we did mini-interviews for another CatholicTV show, Encounter. Little did I know that our interviews would be featured during the "month of love".


And how fitting, too, that we have this week's topic, right before V-Day itself?!

Loneliness: a feeling, or state of being, that everyone has encountered at one time or another, but one that few people enjoy talking about.

Have you ever mentioned feeling lonely and the people around you congratulate you? Or given you a high five?

No. More often than not, it's a difficult emotion to address. And most times, I've experienced others feeling sorry for me.

Well, as "nice" as that is, people feeling bad for me doesn't help the situation. If anything, it just reminds me to never talk about my loneliness because this only leads to awkward conversations and attempts to console without knowing what to do in order to change the problem.

You see, the Not Alone Series, as I tell in my Encounter interview, began as a response to this loneliness. The loneliness, specifically, that results from feeling that you're the only person who knows what you're going through.

As much as we have created this community to address the need for solidarity, and I hope it has brought comfort to those we were trying to serve, this loneliness still exists.

I know this all too well. Despite how much I enjoy my life and am attempting to live it very fully, the loneliness creeps in.

It creeps in after I come home from work and am reminded that, like every night before, I am alone.

It creeps in during a fun night out, when I'm reminded that many of my dear friends have what I do not yet experience.

It creeps in at a family event, when I'm hand my cousin his daughter and witness the love that is shared between him and his wife.

I don't have someone to vent to about my frustrations, or share in my joys, or help to bear my burdens.

I feel that I have so much love and attention and affection and time to give, but to who?

This loneliness can overwhelm us, if we allow it. And I've allowed it to do so, from time to time. I don't want it to consume me, but it's pull is real.

What's a girl to do?

The only solution that's helped me to diminish this loneliness is to run to the Lord and Him alone. He is the only one who can comfort me, who can love me, who can understand me the way I need.

The surest way to continue feeling lonely is for me to continue distancing myself from God.

But, remember, this only diminishes the problem, it doesn't eliminate it. So, it helps to have other things in your life, in addition to your relationship with the Lord, to take your mind off of these feelings.

- Good friends, those who share your interests or hobbies. This differs from the friends we've all had who only want to talk about who's dating who and who you're dating, etc. 

- Hobbies! The best way for me to forget about being alone at home is trying to teach myself guitar (it isn't working, by the way) or working out or cooking or reading, etc etc etc.

- Learn to love your own company. Find your happy place, alone. Maybe this starts as a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine after work. Maybe this evolves into adventuring on your own, either in your town or elsewhere. Regardless, learning to enjoy your "me" time can be extremely helpful in realizing that being "alone" does not equate "loneliness".

But, sometimes, we need to let ourselves feel what we're feeling. Keeping busy and trying not to think about what you're feeling for an extended amount of time isn't healthy. We mustn't become numb to the longing of our hearts. Sometimes, it's theraputic for us to acknowledge our loneliness and let ourselves feel it. For it is only when we face something head on and allow ourselves to be that we can learn to thrive despite opposition.

Something important to understand, too, is that loneliness doesn't simply evaporate after marriage. It will still creep in, still find it's way into your heart. So if we can learn to acknowledge and adapt to our loneliness, that will only help us in the future. 

How do you deal with loneliness in your life? Please share with us in the comments below or link up your post!


Next week's topic:
Spiritual Writings
What are some of your favorite or go-to books, devotionals or even blogs that help encourage you in your spiritual life?

2/24: TRAVEL! 
How do you travel as a single lady?! Any tips or tricks you'd like to share? Do you have anything fun planned for this year?

3/3: Dating Fast
Most of us have heard about them, but have you ever done a dating fast? If so, what was your experience? If you haven't, would you consider doing one? Why or why not?


  1. Loneliness has been part of my daily life for a while now. I had never felt this way before and it really hit me, and my faith hard. I've addressed it by being more involved in my relationships with family and friends. I write postcards and letters, skype, and try to go out once a week at the very least. However, there is nothing more healing than the Lord's love and presence, which I've found myself to seek even more now that I realise that nobody else can make me feel whole. Loneliness is a blessing, in my eyes. If I wasn't going through this period in my life, I strongly believe my faith wouldn't be as strong. I also know that I probably would've felt lonely even in a relationship, since that's a problem that some of my friends have been struggling with. Learning to enjoy your own company is hard, especially in moments where you feel not so great about yourself. But I'm growing to see the things that I truly enjoy, do the things that I want to do, and to see the many blessings in my life. My mother called this process "learning to be an adult". I agree, but I also want to call it "learning to be a child of God". Never ever have I striven to be more modest, productive, and responsible in all areas of my life. That self-awareness and desire to live up to higher standards is such a blessing.

    1. So much of what you wrote resonates with me, Mariam! Loneliness, while rough to deal with, IS a blessing...for I hope that experiencing it will cause me to better appreciate my future vocation. There's so much I'm learning about myself, and God, during this time. As much as it's a struggle, I must believe that the experience itself is all part of the forming-me-into-the-person-I-was-made-to-be process :)

  2. Big takeaways: being alone does not equal being lonely. And it's okay to let yourself feel lonely sometimes. Lots of great points here. Thanks for sharing, Morgan!

  3. Teaching yourself guitar? Since everything in my life reminds me of an episode of "Friends," that reminds me of the episode where Joey tries to let Phoebe teach him guitar. Good times.

    The Not Alone Series is excellent for making me feel like someone else gets what I'm going through! It has also encouraged me to work through emotions and choices I haven't thought deeply about—and to share them with the world! I'm a writer at heart, so writing about my feelings comes naturally to me. I do that in prayer, too, but writing for an audience is enriching my heart in a whole new way.


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