baby steps

I feel that I can now attempt to put this down on paper...or text...whatever...now that I've mentioned it to my mom....

I, like most young adults my age, have been struggling lately attempting to figure out what it is that I am meant to do in this life. Now, unlike others my age, I have been trying to listen to the big man upstairs to see what His take on the situation is...which is actually a new thing for me in this particular area. Sure, I've included Him in my day to day proceedings, but when it comes to the bigger picture, for whatever reason, it never really clicked that I should be inquiring as to what God has planned for my life.

These past 3 years, I have been slowly trying to led the Lord lead my life. It hasn't been easy, but gradually, I am loosening the hold (or death grip?) I have on my future. I want to give Him my all, my life, my heart, my EVERYTHING. But the one thing that I haven't been allowing Him to have was my career. For whatever reason, I was keeping that for myself. Shame on me.

I have dreams. BIG dreams. Dreams beyond the cookie-cutter life that society has placed before me. Sure, our nation today screams "Be who you are no matter the cost!!! Do what YOU love! Do what makes YOU happy, no matter the cost!", and yet, they look down upon those who follow the faith and the Church. I have always dreamed of being a motivational speaker of some sort. Even straight out of high school, that is what I said that my dream job was...and as I have grown as a person and as a young adult in the Church, my dream has evolved into desiring to evangelize the whole world, speaking at conferences for youth and parishes alike, starting a revolution. THAT is my dream.

So then, one may ask, why am I not pursing this dream? Why am I a Psychology major instead of studying Theology at some prestigious Catholic university? Believe me, I too have asked that question. MANY times. But the only explanation I can come up with is that the Lord was forming me. He has me here for a reason and I will finish whatever He has planned for me here and then move on to the next part of the plan.

But one thing I AM going to do is not give up on my dream. So many people these days settle.
They settle for mediocre lifestyles.
They settle for "meh" lives.
They settle for less than what they were made for.
And I was made for greatness. I was made for more than what society expects of me.

I refuse to sit by and allow others to stir up a revolution in our culture and bring others to Christ...I want to be a soldier for Christ! And that's what I'm going to do. :]

As I am writing this I'm aware that some parts of this sound like I'm saying that I'm quitting school (in my 2nd to last semester before graduation?!) and joining a convent. Not at this moment, no...I truly feel called to married life, however, I desire the Lord's will more than my own, so whatever He wants for me is what I will do...I guess the point of this rant is that I am, for once, content; excited; looking forward to my future.

St. Gianna, pray for me!