Not Alone Series: Masculinity

Who is a great example of masculinity in your life (father, brother, uncle, priest, etc)? 

What is it about them that you love?

Ahhhhhh men.

See what I did there? :)

I've written about an aspect of masculinity before - chivalry - and since I can't seem to get chivalry off of my mind, I suppose this is what I've focusing on again this week.

Now that I'm more attuned to noticing chivalry around me, I appreciate it much more than I did when I was younger. As an angsty teenager, I would roll my eyes when my dad would let each of us go before him in line for communion at mass. I would resent him "taking" my prime realty spot on the end of the pew - perfect for people watching, amiright?

But now, when I go home for the weekend and my dad lets me go in front of him, I have to smile because I know that this is his silent way of loving us.

Hmmmm what other things have I appreciated recently?? OH!

In that post I linked to above, I'll link to it here again, I mentioned a time recently when gentleman helped me with my coat. Oh my gosh. I don't know what it is....but that just makes me feel like a lady.

Like he was nonverbally saying, "oh here, I care enough about you to make sure you stay warm"

Ok, that sounds dumb now that I wrote it out...but does anyone know what I mean?

I am a huge advocate for ladies being ladies and men being men.

There are people who would take this the wrong way and argue "AH! You mean to say that women cannot do everything that a man can do! How sexist!"

Mmmmm no. Not at all.

But what's wrong with ladies being treated like ladies? What's wrong with men stepping up like a man ought?

Here's another example:

I've had the enormous blessing to get to know a number of lovely people here in town lately. I cannot tell you how comforting it is to belong to a community once again. (but that's another post) As a result of this community-building, a few of us decided to attend our parish's trivia night this weekend. It was SO much fun.

My parish's trivia night is more rowdy than most college bars #forreal #lotsofliquor
— Morgan McFarlin (@thatprolifegirl) February 23, 2014

And it was set up as a pot-luck of sorts...soda and desserts were provided, but we were encouraged to share dinner as a table. Well, we had a number of group emails where we couldn't decide how to divvy up dinner responsibilities and finally, two of the men spoke up (wrote up?) and volunteered their cooking expertise. This might not seem all that incredible, but these guys brought homemade country style ribs (SO DELICIOUS) and homemade Chicago style deep-dish pizza (a real treat for us transplanted from the north).

I don't know, I guess I'm so used to the women always being the ones who step up and say "oh, I'll host" or "oh, I'll cook the meal" or "oh, don't worry about it, we'll take care of everything"...it was refreshing for a couple of men to take that role!

Aaaand that's pretty much all I've got! This post wasn't really what I'd anticipated writing, but we want to hear what you think! What are examples of masculinity that you've experienced through men in your life?

Write a post and link it up below!

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Next week's topic:

Bachelorette parties!

It's inevitable that we'll attend or plan a friend's Bachelorette party at some point or another, but how do we make them fun without all the raunch? Give us your ideas for fun things to do with a bridal party without all the crazy!

March 11th: Why not both?

We've been hearing a lot that "married people and single people can't relate to one another". What is your perspective on this? In what ways can we bridge the gap between singles and marrieds?

March 18th: Single life bucket list

What are those things that you want to do before you get married (or enter the religious life)? Is there anything that you're excited to do, accomplish, etc. before engagement, marriage, and babies come along? Even if you feel that you've done everything you wanted to do pre-marriage, dig deeper and see if there isn't anything else you'd like to do!

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As always, please email us any topic suggestions you have! Jen and I want to be talking about things that are a part of your life! Help us plan the next topic schedule! :)

Not Alone Series: Valentine's Day

What are your thoughts about Valentine's Day? Do you enjoy it? Loathe it? Not even realize it's a special day? Do you celebrate it in any way? 

I had a hard time starting this post...mostly because I wasn't sure exactly how to translate how I feel about Valentine's Day into words. See, I don't hate Valentine's Day.

I hate that WalMart replaces the New Year's decoration sales with candy hearts and smelly perfume....but that's more of an issue with consumerism than V Day. And I really don't care for how many people seem to take Valentine's Day more seriously than the love that our Lord pours out at every. single. mass.
But again, that's a deeper issue.

No, I don't hate Valentine's Day. Growing up, I loved giving out candy and cards to my classmates. I loved dressing up for our class parties. And even now, I think it's cute when my grandma sends me a Valentine's Day card with a lottery scratch-off. Or when my friends ask me to watch their son so they can go on a pre-Valentine's Day date. Cute. So cute.

I don't mind the lovey-dovey, cuteness factor that Valentine's Day brings.

I suppose my problem with the whole day is how others view single people on February 14th.
The coined "Singles Awareness Day" drives me insane. INSANE. (really? really? every other day of the year you aren't aware that you're single? false.)

Perhaps it's because I'm now in a mental place where I'm happy with my life, but for whatever reason, it makes me crazy when others act sorry for me/other singles. My life is great! I don't need or want your pity! Please!

I was trying to remember what I've done the past few Valentine's Days because only one of them was spent in a relationship (and he said he was falling in love with me....after 2 weeks. EEK! more on that later...)
Last year I went to BWWs with a friend whose husband was in Canada for the weekend...she was pregnant and hungry, I was just hungry.
So we ate among couples and went back to her house and watched The Lorax. Low key. Great.

This year, I did what I do most Friday nights when I don't have plans: cleaned up my apartment and watched P&P on repeat.
I didn't do all of that because I was lonely or alone or sad about being alone or wishing I had a Valentine. No....I was just letting my life go on.
Because at the end of the day, no matter what you and your significant other does on Valentine's Day, what matters more are the other 364 days in the year. Life goes on.
And no amount of chocolate, flowers, or hearts are going to sustain you for the rest of the year!

So I do wish that our society viewed Valentine's Day differently...I wish that when I really wanted to go to the grocery store and get some wine and ice cream on Friday, I didn't second guess myself.
I wish when I walked into Schnucks, I didn't feel like I was being judged as the "lonely single gal" buying a huge bottle of Barefoot and 3 pints of Ben and Jerry's (hey! they were all on sale!)
I'm not lonely. I'm good. I'm content. I'm fulfilled.
And I was also alone on Valentine's Day. So? More wine and ice cream for me :)

What do you think? Link up over at Jen's today with all of the other lovely ladies!

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Last call for Savannah!

We still want YOU to come to Savannah, GA for our girls' weekend! 

{Remember it's July 18-20... still have no idea what I'm talking about? Check this out!} 

Interested, but haven't taken the survey?

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY. 

This guarantees you a spot, helps plan the money situation, etc. 

Please fill it out by 11:59EST TONIGHT! Thank you! 

 AHHH! Jen and I are so freaking excited, you really have no idea.

It's gonna be flippin' amaaaazing!

Also... have you joined the Not Alone Series Facebook Group? Please join if you'd like!

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Next week's topic:

Masculinity

Who is a great example of masculinity in your life (father, brother, uncle, priest, etc)? What is it about them that you love?

March 4th: Bachelorette parties!It's inevitable that we'll attend or plan a friend's Bachelorette party at some point or another, but how do we make them fun without all the raunch? Give us your ideas for fun things to do with a bridal party without all the crazy!

March 11th: Why not both?We've been hearing a lot that "married people and single people can't relate to one another". What is your perspective on this? In what ways can we bridge the gap between singles and marrieds?

March 18th: Single life bucket listWhat are those things that you want to do before you get married (or enter the religious life)? Is there anything that you're excited to do, accomplish, etc. before engagement, marriage, and babies come along? Even if you feel that you've done everything you wanted to do pre-marriage, dig deeper and see if there isn't anything else you'd like to do!

Not Alone Series: "if only I knew then...."

Stay tuned below for announcements and the next few topics! :)

What would you tell your former self about being single if given the chance? What have you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self?

You know that saying, "hindsight is 20/20"?

While I can't sum up my entire life with that cliche, there are definitely points in my younger single life when I wish I could go back to have a heart to heart with my high school self, or my college self. Or even my 6-months ago self.

Here are a just a few things that I would tell myself if given the chance:

Eliminate Expectations

Oh, girl. Make a genuine effort to stop. expecting. You trust that the Lord will bring you and your future husband together, yes? Then stop anticipating when it'll all come together. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache if you don't expect to be engaged/married by college graduation. It's hard, I know. But you'll be much better off if you just allow the Lord to guide you wherever He sees fit. And He has so much amazing stuff planned, things you never imagined. So eliminate your expectations and be willing to go with the flow.

Raise your Standards

You are worth so much more than you think. I know people say this all the time, but it's actually true. And believe me, it's much better to be single than to date the next guy who seems to be slightly interested. Or it's better to be single than to "hang out" with that guy you've been crushing on for years who'll never seriously commit. Please. I know you're lonely. I know it sucks being the only roommate without a boyfriend. But being with someone, just to be with someone isn't a good enough reason. And you're worth more than that.

Don't hold out for tomorrow

Today has so much to offer! 

Dive into your classes! Fully experience your internship! Spend quality time with your best friend!

Because let me tell you what, once you graduate, you'll be hard pressed to find time to read and learn and teach. And your best friend? She'll move, you'll move, and it will be much harder to stay in touch.

I know you're excited for the future and that "someday" when Mr. Right walks into your life, but please don't spend so much time wishing, waiting, hoping. 

Enjoy the now because "the now" is all that you're surely given.

What would you tell yourself if you could go back in time? Link up your post below! And we now have a Not Alone Series Facebook group! Join if you'd like to stay up to date on the NAS happenings! :)

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Savannah Trip update!

Jen and I talked for 3 HOURS this weekend so, yes! Things for this trip are rolling!

In the interest of planning specifics of our girl's weekend, if you are planning on attending the NAS Savannah Girl's Weekend, please click here and fill out this short survey by next Tuesday!

(only submit once, please!)

Anyone planning on coming to Savannah needs to take the survey in order to be accounted for!!!

Don't know what I'm talking about? Click here for more info :)

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Next week's topic:

Valentine's Day

What are your thoughts about Valentine's Day? Do you enjoy it? Loathe it? Not even realize it's a special day? Do you celebrate it in any way? 

February 25th: Masculinity

Who is a great example of masculinity in your life (father, brother, uncle, priest, etc)? What is it about them that you love?

March 4th: Bachelorette parties!

It's inevitable that we'll attend or plan a friend's Bachelorette party at some point or another, but how do we make them fun without all the raunch? Give us your ideas for fun things to do with a bridal party without all the crazy!

March 11th: Why not both?

We've been hearing a lot that "married people and single people can't relate to one another". What is your perspective on this? In what ways can we bridge the gap between singles and marrieds?

March 18th: Single life bucket list

What are those things that you want to do before you get married (or enter the religious life)? Is there anything that you're excited to do, accomplish, etc. before engagement, marriage, and babies come along? Even if you feel that you've done everything you wanted to do pre-marriage, dig deeper and see if there isn't anything else you'd like to do!

Not Alone Series: "guess who's engaged?!"

Hello dear friends! I do apologize for my absence, I'm just now fully recovered from the past week and a half! I cannot wait to tell you all about the craziness that has been January. 

(WAIT. It's almost FEBRUARY?!)

As my lovely NAS accountability partner knows, one of my additional goals for this new year is to take better care of myself. Even if that means stepping away from my blogging, I need to make my health (and sanity!) a bigger priority. I hope you understand :)

BUT enough with all of that...let's get on with this week's prompt!

Do you struggle with balancing the sting of hearing about yet another proposal with genuine excitement? What emotions come into play? What virtues do you enlist to deal with it all?

Well, we're once again immersed in engagement season, and I'll admit, more than once have I texted Jen saying: 

"WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THE SEASON OF FREAKING ENGAGEMENTS. 

I'M NOT BITTER JUST ASKING."

^^^ direct quote ^^^

Here's the thing, y'all. I am so very happy...thrilled, really...for the ladies and gents I know who are newly engaged and over the moon with excitement because this is what they've been waiting for for so long. I am. 

I know that longing, really...I know. 

So the fact that they're taking a step closer to living out their vocation is awesome. Beautiful, really.

But that doesn't make my ache go away.

At times, seeing others' happiness gives me hope that the Lord truly does have a plan for me, too.

And other times, I just want to throw a television off a bridge.

It's realllllly difficult to be happy for others when they have something that I desperately desire.

Ugh. That ugly, green-eyed monster called envy. What is one to do? How am I supposed to genuinely squeal with my best friend whose boyfriend just proposed when deep down I can feel the bubble of bitterness rising? Why is it that beneath my joy for others, there's a fire of rage?

I think some of that comes from a discontent with one's own life. If you're unhappy with your life, OF COURSE you're going to wish you had something else. This easily leads to wishing you have what others have, which very easily leads to jealousy. 

Otherwise known as coveting.

We have a tendency (speaking for myself, assuming that others are the same) to forget that the 10th commandment forbids this impurity of heart.

"You shall not covet your neighbor's goods" does not just apply to material things; we must also not covet immaterial things.

Gosh. That's kinda heavy...

um yeah, because it's Truth.

Ok, but how do we combat this? If I'm striving for purity of heart in ALL things, how am I to achieve this?

My best suggestion is prayer.

A couple of years ago, I was struggling to love one of my "neighbors". When I sought counsel from a priest, he gave me the best advice I could have ever received. 

He told me to pray for them.

I was really annoyed. 

"Uhh...Father, I really don't want to pray for them..."

His response?

"That's why you must."

The beauty of prayer and the work of the Holy Spirit is that when you're intentionally praying for someone, especially someone you're struggling to love, gradually your heart is softened. Over time, my begrudging prayer became sincere. My hardened heart became putty in my Maker's hands. I began to genuinely desire that the Lord's will be done in my neighbor's life, not just what I hoped would happen.

So this is what I'm striving for as more&more&more of my friends/acquaintances/relatives/etc become engaged and get married. Please know of my prayers for each and every one of you and I ask that you keep me in yours as well.

What are your thoughts? Link up below!

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Next week's topic:

Chastity: A Choice

Living chastely (not just abstinence) is a choice. Have you ever had to defend your choice to live out chastity? If not, why do you choose chastity?

February 11th: If only I knew then what I know now...
What would you tell your former self about being single if given the chance? What have you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self?

Not Alone Series: Beauty

Hello my dear friends! As this post is published, I am enroute to our nation's capitol for the 41st March for Life. I was supposed to host the link-up, but the past several days have been more-than-hectic so Jen is hosting again! I promise to come back and write about my thoughts on beauty (and I have many, I assure you!) but for now, I'm spending LOTS of quality time with 56+ of my students. Head on over to Jen's and I'll see you all soon!

Encouraging Chivalry

Update 9/9/14: This post was linked up as part of the Not Alone Series topic, "Oh so chivalrous!"

Have you read this post by Matt Walsh? It's thought-provoking, FULL of solid Truth, and calls men to action.

I forget in the day-to-day that "chivalry is dead". And actually, I've heard that before and argued with whoever proclaimed it that chivalry IS NOT dead. Unfortunately, however, my perception on this is skewed.

I blame it on all of the awesome men in my life. Holy, God-fearing, women-loving men.
They hold doors, allow women to go before them for communion, help me with my coat, etc.

But what about all of the men who I don't know? Or even more so, what about the women who don't know the men I know?

I can imagine that it would be very discouraging to think that chivalry is dead. How sad.
And how incredibly sad for a woman who desires to have a man be chivalrous, to give up on that dream of a knight in shining armor!

I've read articles and posts where the author says that we need to focus on instilling an expectation of chivalry in our children. We need to raise our boys to be chivalrous and our girls to be accepting and grateful for chivalry.

I agree with this. We must raise our children in this manner.

But what about those of us who aren't raising children? What about the college students? What about the young professionals? Perhaps we must wait until we have children of our own in order to encourage chivalry?

Not at all.
There is so much that we can do to encourage chivalry at all ages and places in life!

For the Men

Chivalrous men! Please continue to be gentlemen. Do not allow the lazy men of today to influence how you act.

Rather, you must be an example to other men. Chivalry begets chivalry. Encourage your boorish friends to be more gallant! If you let a lady have your seat, nudge your buddy to do the same! Hold one another accountable.

Asking your friend to hold the second set of doors while you're holding the first isn't nagging, it's reminding him to be the gentleman he was made to be. Hopefully just seeing you open the first door will give him the push he needs to grab the second one, but better safe than sorry!

Overall, do not allow your less honorable friends to discourage you.
And if ever a lady yells that she doesn't need your help with the door/with her coat/etc. just respond with a smile and a courteous "I didn't do _______ because you're a woman/girl/lady, I did it because I'm a gentleman."
I guarantee she will not know what to say, especially if you remain polite.

Be like Matt and call others to action.


For the Ladies

Alright, ladies, I am certain that many of you appreciate and enjoy chivalry. However, how are you supposed to increase chivalry? I mean, we're mere women...we have no influence on whether or not a "guy" is gentlemanly....right?

Wrong!
The way in which we react to chivalry will influence its longevity.

I encourage you to stop being embarrassed when you encounter a gentleman.
There have been times when a man holds the door for me when I'm a good 20+ strides from the door. Gosh, I feel horrible! I'm ashamed to admit that more often than not, I barely meet his gaze and perhaps I'll give him a sorrowful "thanks!"...all because I feel bad.

Or how many times has a young man surprised you by helping you with your coat? I never expect it, and due to my surprise, I usually give a little laugh and what might be perceived as a sarcastic "thank you".
(when really, I just feel awkward and try to be goofy instead)

Or have you ever neglected to thank the man who is coming out of a building and holds the door as you're entering? It's possible he wouldn't hear me, you think, and besides, it's not like it's a big deal...

I want to encourage you to stop doing this.
Don't stop thanking, but change the way in which you thank.
Stop acting embarrassed when a man treats you like a lady, you ARE a lady! Don't make him feel embarrassed for treating you as such!
And never treat an act of chivalry as "nothing" or else you're feeding into the mindset that chivalry simply doesn't matter.

When a gentleman opens the door for you, pulls out your chair, etc., look him in the eye, give him a warm smile and a grateful "Thank You!"

This is called positive reinforcement. (I know because I have a Psychology degree. BAM.) If we want men to be more chivalrous, we must encourage them to continue their chivalry! Please push past whatever it is that hold you back from appreciating his chivalrous gesture. Like I said before, chivalry begets chivalry. And in this case, a man's encouraged chivalry will lead to his continued chivalry.


Chivalry can be encouraged at all ages.
Gentlemen shouldn't be afraid to behave like gentlemen and ladies shouldn't be ashamed to expect to be treated like ladies.

Strive to be the most authentic you you can be.