Not Alone Series: Dating Fast

We've all likely heard about [dating fasts], but have you ever done one? If so, what was your experience? If you haven't, would you consider doing one? Why or why not?

It was the first day of first semester my sophomore year. I had three or four classes that Monday, all on the main quad, which afforded me plenty of time to get to class early. I treated each classroom the same: arrived 5-7 minutes early, strategically selected my seat, and watched as my classmates arrived.
Specifically, watched as my male classmates arrived.

I made mental notes on where the cute ones sat, whether or not they glanced my way as they chose their seats, and how near me they placed themselves.

This continued on throughout the week, until my Friday "African Music" class. This was my most interesting class, with a teacher who was encouraging of self-love and virtue and would dance for us on the regular. I should have been captivated. 

But I was sitting behind and to the right of one of my male peers. One of the star QBs, he was well-known on campus and cute to boot. I remember sitting behind him, analyzing his perfect jawline and strong shoulders, day-dreaming about our potential future together. 

We'd tell our kids how we met in college, laughed over our enthusiastic music teacher, and quickly fell in love. What an unexpected pair, the two of us: star athlete and devoutly Catholic good-girl.

It was somewhere in the middle of this daydream that I had a realization: how many times had I danced this routine throughout the week?

How many young men had I ogled and planned my life with, unbeknownst to them?
What was I doing?! 

Rather than see these men as brothers in Christ first, I was sizing them all up as potential love interests.

Over that weekend, I analyzed my actions, thoughts, and emotions. I determined that this had gotten out of hand. I needed to stop this way of thinking and change how I viewed the men in my life.

And that's when I started my first intentional dating fast.

Throughout the next couple of months, I focused on intentionally changing the way I thought of every man my eyes came across. I began to think of them as brothers in Christ, and desire holiness for them, rather than a romantic relationship with me.

It was hard, to be sure. This way of thinking doesn't come naturally for most of us, but in a way, it was freeing.

Knowing that the only relationship I was pursing was my relationship with God allowed me to treat every man in my life as a friend first. I was able to be my most authentic self because I wasn't trying to be the woman I thought men desired.

This first fast led to the deepening of my bond with Christ and helped me to hear, for the first time, His call for me to marriage.

I didn't have a specific time-frame set for this fast, so it kind of just tapered off in mid-October. Of course, old habits died hard and over the next couple of years, I fell into many of the same traps I had before. But this theme of seeing all men in my life as brothers in Christ allowed me to have more authentic friendships.

I entered my second intentional dating fast at the end of my Junior year, this one being more structured than my first. Starting in February and ending in May, I entered this fast because I began to see myself picking up these old habits. I had developed feelings for a friend of mine who was just entering the Church and I noticed myself attending events or doing certain things simply because I knew he would be there. This desire to develop a relationship with him was dictating my life.

I needed to be free from dating, or the possibility of dating, and so I fasted. 

I needed to draw closer to the Lord, depend on Him alone, and so I fasted.

This dating fast was exceptionally fruitful. I was able to see that the qualities I saw in my friend were ones I really wanted in a future husband, but even more than these qualities, I need to be able to be my true self with this future spouse. 

Again, I saw myself become free of the box I was trying to fit myself into. I realized that my future spouse, whoever he is, wouldn't want me to be the person I think he wants me to be, but desires me to be me.

And so, I'm a huge supporter of dating fasts. I know many other NAS ladies have written this week that they've been on unintentional dating fasts for some time, and believe me, I get that. :) I've been there.

But there's something to be said for taking an intentional step back from thinking about potential romantic interests, seeking out romantic relationships, and focusing entirely on God.

Natalie hit the nail of the head when she wrote about the tendency toward dating fasts as a formula to finding your future spouse. We cannot attempt to trick God like that. But, I'm guilty of that as well!

"Ok, Lord, I'm not looking for him...just do whatever you want.... *peeking* ...ok, really, just bring him whenever you want..."

....as if this will trick God into bringing me my future spouse. Yeah, He's smarter than that.

Really, the point of a dating fast, for me, is to re-center myself on what, or who, is really important. Dating fasts don't have to be long-term. I know people who've taken 1-5 year intentional dating fasts, but maybe just take a short one....like a month or two.

One book I love is The Dating Fast. 

Katherine Becker wrote this as a guide for anyone seeking to renew their relationship with Christ. It's a day by day guide, with reflections and challenges for every day.

I won't make a blanket statement that every. single. person. NEEDS to take a dating fast. Buuuut I do think they can be helpful and fruitful.

If you're curious about how taking a dating fast could be fruitful, I'd encourage you to try it out. If you have a spiritual director, maybe broach the topic with them and see what they think about you taking an intentional dating fast. Even if you haven't been in a relationship or had a date in years, being intentional about this break from dating could be fruitful.

What do you think about dating fasts? Ever taken one before? Comment below with your thoughts and head over to Jen's to see what others are saying!

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Next week's topic:

Encouraging Men

We seem to always have something say about guys treating us right! Or, not right! But, what does that mean? Have you ever thought to share those insights so guys have a better idea on what to say/how to act? Well, let's do it! What are some good habits guys can take up when dealing with us ladies?

3/17: Challenge!

It's that time again! In the past, we've challenged ourselves to grow and/or take steps toward moving closer to our vocation. These challenges have come in all different forms! Trying online dating, getting more involved in our young adult ministry, and working on discipline have all been past personal challenges. What is one thing you want to challenge yourself to do that might help you along on your path toward God's will...or maybe just help you become more open to God's will?
Share what you're planning to challenge yourself with and why, then in 2 weeks we'll write on how this challenge went!!

3/24: Lent
We're more than half way through Lent... how's it going?! What did you decide to give up/take up? Did you make any spiritual goals? How have you grown thus far and how do you hope to make the most of the remainder of the season?

3/31: Expectations vs Reality... of the Single Life
Have you ever had people in your life who have expectations of what your life is like, as a single person? Do friends or family ever make assumptions about your life simply because you're unmarried? Did you ever had expectations about being single which turned out to be different than the reality? How do you manage the expectations of others with the reality of your day-to-day?

4/7: Challenge Check-in!
A couple weeks ago, we set to challenge ourselves! What did you decide on and what did you end up doing? Was this a fruitful experience for you? Why or why not?

4/14: Christian Friendship
What does it mean to be a friend based in Christ? Do Christian friends hold each other higher? Do we hold each other accountable? How do these friendships differ from non-Christian based friendships? Do they differ? Is one better than the other?

Not Alone Series: Selfies

Do you support the selfie trend? Do you think it promotes self absorption, vanity and narcissism? Is there a way to incorporate selfies into the Church's teachings of modesty, authentic beauty, humility? 

Thanks to Hannah!

How do I feel about selfies? Basically what the second part of the above definition says.

Do I take "selfies" with friends? Yes.

Do my sister and I get a little crazy with Snapchat selfies and holiday selfies and baby selfies? Duh.

Buuuut there's a line.

No judgement, I don't think that selfies are inherently evil. However, I have unfollowed people on Instagram who seem to have the need to post a picture of themselves every. single. day.

Now, if you're with friends or just got your bridesmaid dress or are meeting your bffs baby for the first time....go for it, take that selfie. But the selfies that I'm opposed to are the self-gratifying, attention-seeking pictures. 

I'm talking about the pictures where the girl looks frazzled, yet perfectly coiffed and captions with a "days like today that I just can't wait to go home..."

Really? Is that necessary?

Again, do what you want...buuuut I might unfollow after these posts become a daily occurrence.

I think what this boils down to is our inculturated need to be constantly connected to people...which actually leads to disconnection. We post pictures and updates on what we're eating, where we're going, who we're seeing, what we're doing....so much so that we lose touch with the current moment.

We stop living simply to tell people what we're up to.

And I'm guilty of it too, to be sure. Did I really need to tweet a couple nights ago about my new loud neighbors? Or did I really need to post a picture of my fabulous Jamberry nails? Probably not. 

The world around us doesn't need a filter and neither do you. Maybe we need to pocket our phones and just be.

But first, lemme take a selfie.

What do you think about the selfie fad? Leave a comment below, or write your own post and link it up!

7 Quick Takes (29)

Well well well what do we have here?! A non-NAS post?! WOAH. Yep, that's right...I'm making a come-back people! Brace yourselves! :) Linking up with Jen in an attempt to ease myself back into the land of the blogging. :)

[1] This past weekend I had the absolutely WORST bout of allergies EVER. Perhaps it was mixed with a sinus infection, but regardless...Happy Mother's Day, Mom...now can you take my temperature?

Yes I am a 24 year old adult and still want my mommy to take care of me when I'm sick.

The good news is that with all of the rain we've had this week, pollen counts are plummeting!
Hello breathing easy!

The bad news is that with all of the rain we've had this week....it's been raining all week.
Hello humidity and crazy curls!

Furrr realzz.

[2] I've ready for some warm weather...heck, I'd settle for sunny and 55°. But thanks to Audrey's post on cute spring shoes, I'm back in my optimistic, "the sun will come out tomorrow let's hope maybe if the rain doesn't ruin it" mood :)

I'm pining for these babies.

[3] I cannot believe that I've yet to mention this in a blog post. If you've been around for any length of time (before I went all AWOL), you'll know that I have a severe attachment to the Patton clan.
Some would call me a stalker, I prefer affectionately attentive. I think they're cool with it.

But aaanyway, can we just pause for a moment and acknowledge:

a) how freaking cute/adorable/perfect little Miss Phoebe is?
b) how freaking cute/adorable/perfect the name "Phoebe Patton" is?
c) how much I love the 4 kid grams? LOVE.
d) how much I want Simace to adopt me. Please? I do diapers.

Lemme know, Grace. I'm (affectionately) yours :)

[4] Also, don't ask me how many times I've watched this video of the Patton kids meet their newest sib.
No, really...don't. If I answer I just might have to admit I have a problem.

[5] Move on, Morgan....

Ok, so have y'all heard 6' 2'' by Marie Miller? I know I've seen it shared by others before, but I stumbled upon it again and AH...love.



Plus, turns out she's Catholic. I loved this article about how true and natural this desire/longing/etc for your spouse is. Solidarity, people!

[6] While I'm talking about music, I've been real sentimental lately thinking about how my baby sister is graduating from high school in a couple weeks. ahhhh when did she grow up?! ...and Compass by Lady Antebellum reminds me of her and this place in life.



My favorite line:

"So let your heart, sweetheart be your compass when you're lost and you should follow it wherever it may go"

This should be true for everyone, but especially as a soon-to-be HS grad...it's important :) I'm real pumped though that she'd decided to attend my alma mater and will only be 45 mins from me! Yay!

[7] I'm so excited for the next few weeks! I found out a little while ago that I was accepted into the 2014 Vita Institute at Notre Dame! I'll be staying on campus for a little more than a week at the beginning of June and studying various subjects in relation to the pro-life movement including philosophy, politics, law, social science, biology, etc. I cannot wait!

Well, that wasn't so hard! Maybe I'll be able to crank out another post in 3 months ;)
Have a lovely weekend! Check out the other Quick Takers over at Jen's!

Not Alone Series:Favorite "Mom" Bloggers

I'm so excited that this week for the NAS we're focusing on giving our favorite "mommy bloggers" a shout-out! Just because those of us participating in the NAS desire to create a community of single folks we can relate to doesn't mean that we hate other bloggers who are married and have kids! Not at all! Some of my very favorite bloggers have kids and we wanted to give them a little love because, well, they're flippin' sweet!

Disclaimer: I'm aware that most bloggers of this nature despise the term "mommy blogger", but it's an easy way to distinguish between bloggers with kids and those without, so I hope they'll forgive me.

Camp Patton

via

I'm just going to go ahead and get Grace et al out of the way...I'm sure you've all had the pleasure of meeting the Patton crew, but if not WHAT ROCK HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER?!?! If you've read my blog evereverever you're probably aware of my obsession with Julia. No worries, I love Bash and Theo too, but I'll like 'em better when they're spouting off one-liners like their big sis. I really love Grace's honest writing style and how she just puts it all out there. It's refreshing to read an honest take on parenting.

Romancing Reilly

via

Martha is one of those moms you see on the street who makes you stop and think "woah...I hope I'm that fashionable when I'm a mom..." ...at least that's what I think I would think should I ever meet her in person. Throw in her witty writing and the best pics of Mr. Sebastian (his comb-over is to.die.for.) and you've got a great combo. PLUS I'm itching to try her Green Rice!

Cedars and Tiny Flowers

via

I just really really really REALLY want to be Katrina's friend. Not only is she just like the cutest pregnant person on the planet, but I'm pretty sure she has no idea how funny she is. Like for realz, y'all. Plus she always manages to capture Ryan's little "who, me?" face. Love.

Imperfections Welcomed

via

I've been reading Natasha's blog for awhile now....I'm not really sure how I found her, but her 2 girls are precious! She doesn't always post a whole lot, but when she does, they're gems! Plus, "Imperfections, welcomed" seems like the perfect title...not only for motherhood, but life in general!

Those Landrys

via

I actually knew Alisha about 4ish years ago when her and her husband lived in BloNo and she was working part-time at the Newman Center. Back then it was just little Joan and I'd babysit her for a couple hours a few times a week while Alisha worked in the office. Those Landrys moved back down to their Cajun roots a few years ago, but it's great to be able to keep seeing their family grow. Alisha's Verbatim posts are my absolute fav...her girls are hilarous!!!

Mama needs coffee.

via

Jenny and her fam just moved back from living in ROME for a number of months (6?) and you might recognize her son John-Paul as one of the last babies to be kissed by Pope Benedict. Um yeah. Freakin' awesome. Aaaanyway, Jenny has a real knack for making me spew whatever I'm drinking onto my computer, she's that hilar. Again, it's refreshing to not read a sugar-coated version of what parenting is like.

Welllll, I feel like a total creep....and it's worse that I could have gone on and on and on, but I tried to rein in the creepy for the time being.

Who are your favorite mom bloggers? Link up with us below!

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Next week's topic:

 NFP, baby! ;)

So, who's begun charting?! How is it going? What advice do you have/what method do you use? If you haven't, is something holding you back? Are you considering starting up?

October 1: Careers as a Vocation?
How do we know what God's call is for us if we are focused on our careers? Is it appropriate to focus on that career and then get married/enter religious life later? Or maybe the call/vocation IS the career and you could be single?

October 8: Fav Recipes... for one!

Link-up your favorite one-person meal recipes! It's hard to cook for one sometimes and we could all use some help!

October 15: Chastity as a Single Person

Physical or Emotional. What are your struggles? How do you overcome them?

October 22: Patience

Do you find yourself becoming really impatient, or struggling with your life to "really" begin? If so, how do you combat it? Do you do anything? How can we support one another in this area?

cinco de mayo

This weekend has been crazy busy, and since I had a 22.5 hr work day Saturday, I'm not celebrating Cinco de Mayo in my usual fashion, but just had to share the following as it made me literally LOL

BWAHAHAHAHA

have a great Monday!

xo

how [not] to compost

A few months ago, with a little bit of advice from Dweej, I ventured into the composting world.
I was so excited.
I told anyone who would listen.
Well, I think I did something wrong.

Let me walk you through this.....
Since moving into this house in August, I've had an inclination to do more homey things.
In January, I went and got myself a Rubbermaid bin, threw some leaves in the bottom (we were in a short period of no snow), put the bin on my back porch, aaaand....that was it.

So there it sat. On my back porch. For 3 months.
I added tons and tons and tons of veggie and other kitchen scraps (no meat or dairy). Stirred occasionally.
And all seemed to be fine.
I mean, it was cold for much of that time, what with the snow and ice and all....

And then it started getting warmer...

*disclaimer: sick nasty photos ahead*

I was getting ready to leave for Portland the first week of March and I realized before I left that I should empty the overflowing bucket we kept in the pantry for the compost pile. While I'm pretty sure all of my roommates knew where the bin was, I was the only one who ever emptied the kitchen bucket.
No big deal, it was my project anyway.

So I went out onto our porch and when I opened the bin, oh. my. gosh. The most disgusting smell EVER.
I quickly dumped the kitchen bucket into the bin and there was so much food in the bucket, it was packed solid...and moldy. Sick. nasty.

seemingly harmless-looking bin, right?

wrong.

Needless to say, I didn't return the bucket to the kitchen because I didn't want anyone to continue this horrible cycle while I was gone for 5 weeks. I also moved the bin off the porch and let it sit in the back yard while I was gone in case someone had the inclination to drop scraps straight into the bin.

When I finally returned from my trip, I borrowed a shovel from a friend and dug a hole where our landlords used to have a compost pile and proceeded to distribute my "compost" into the hole.

the hole

sick. nasty.

after the deed had been done.

sludge. cue gagging.

So my question is this: did I compost wrong? I know online there are a million and one products you can buy to start your compost bin (one of my coworkers apparently has bought a bin and "organic soil" for his bin...what the hey?!) but there was no way I was going to do that. Part of me wonders if maybe I did it right, and compost is supposed to smell like the worst thing you've ever smelled in your life (even worse than the most horrific baby diarrhea). But maybe all I did wrong was add too much moisture, or not let it ventilate enough, or not add enough yard waste.

At the end of the day, I'll be living in an apartment starting in August so I [obviously] won't be having a compost bin. Gross. But maybe there's something that I missed during this process? At least in the future I'd like to try again!

Please. Advice. Anyone?

xo, Morgan

back in the swing

I'm baaaack, I'm baaaaack, we're getting Doug baaaack! And we're the three best friends....

anyone who can name that movie will be my bff&e&e.

But seriously. I'm back. A big huge thank you to everyone who reached out with your kind words of comfort in this rough time...the funeral was yesterday and it's funny how just when you think you don't have any more tears to shed, they just show up. Though it wasn't the best of circumstances to have a family get-together, it was really great to see my extended family, especially 2 new cousins who I hadn't met yet...both little girls who're 6 mo and 4 days old, respectively. caaaan't geeeet enouuuuugh!

Today was my first day back at work and while I reeeeeally don't enjoy getting up before the sun rises...and it was especially difficult after 2 weeks of party-til-2-then-sleep-past-noon #nightowllife....I had a really good day and it felt so.good.to.be.productive! soooo. goooood.

Anywho.....did anyone catch The Bachelor on Monday?! While I definitely cannot top Ashley's review of the show, I will say that I'm super excited for this season.

Is the show stupid? Yes.
Would I ever apply to be on the show? Heck to the no.
But is watching 25 craycray girls fight over one supersupersuper cute and funny and sweet and cute guy totally fun? Yuuuuus.

So much drama. I.love.it.

I have to say, the previews make this season look pretty intense...some cat fights that even lead to hospitalization? whaaa?

And I'm already slightly bummed because the girl who I initially liked, Tierra (see above), seems like she's going to be the worst one of all. Shoooot. But she really seemed so normal and sweet in her initial interview!! And she got the first impression rose! After just meeting Sean! Gahh maybe I just like a basketcase...

AND I'M SO EXCITED THAT KACIE B IS BAAAAACK!!!!!
AHHHHHHHH!!! She was my absolute favorite on Ben's season and for the life of me cannot remember why he bumped her....oh wait, he went for the crazy model. Riiiight. Which is why every model on this season already has a strike against her. Sorry ladies.

That's not even a real smile, dude.

Ok, I'm gonna stop before I go any further, but actually, just one more thing....that convo between Sean and Arie was suuuper awk but I was overjoyed at Arie's kissing advice because let's be honest, Sean uses wayyyyy too much tongue. ammiright?

ok I'm done. byeee.

"so....do you play sports?"

This is a question I get a lot....and no, it's not because I'm in impeccable shape (definitely not) but rather because I'm taller than average (5'10.5'' for those of you who were wondering).

I don't know in what universe "tall" became an indicator for "athletic ability" but I am living proof that this is not always the case. See, I like to say that I am "athletically challenged"...and for good reason. Let me walk you through my sporting history......

My first memory of sports is when I was in co-ed soccer...I think I was about 5? My dad was coaching the team and he so earnestly desired that his first-born would be the athletic prodigy that every father dreams of.
Sorry to disappoint, Pops.
My only motivation to even participate in the practices and games was that I had a crush on the other coach's son. He was blonde and dreamy and so you can understand why my young heart was a crushin'. I specifically remember that my dad had written out nametags for one of the first practices (because who can keep 10 youngsters straight?) and in an attempt to get the attention of the young man my heart longed for, I took my nice-and-sticky nametag off and put it over my mouth, pretending that I couldn't talk...hoping he'd think I was funny. He, of course, fell for my tricks.....aaaand so did the rest of the team. Pretty soon the entire practice was down the toilet due to the coach's flirtatious daughter.
Again, sorry Pops.
Nothing else about my soccer career sticks out other than the granola bars we got at the end of the game and the fact that I hated running because it made me tired.
It only goes up from here!

I did some maturing and by 4th grade, I was (slightly) less boy-crazy and was ready to venture into the sport of softball. Plus, teams were no longer co-ed so that was no longer a factor. Now, as some background info, my brother had been playing baseball for a couple years by now and I saw that he got to experience the wonders of the concession stand after every game....and I wanted a piece of that action.
The first year I played softball, we wore ugly maroon jerseys (definitely wasn't in it for the fashion statement) and when I even got to play, I was ALWAYS placed in the outfield. Not that I blame my coach...I wasn't very good. I only played the infield once and that was because we were short players so I had my moment to shine as shortstop...and no balls came to me. Not that I could complain, that also meant that I couldn't mess up. But no worries, next season would offer me many opportunities to make a royal fool of myself.
5th grade softball was more intense...this time it wasn't just the coach who wanted us to perform well, but my teammates were more invested. Which meant more pressure for me...and also meaning that when I messed up, it was more tragic. Like that one time that I didn't realize that you actually had to step on home plate in order for the run to count. Yeah. That actually happened. I was on third and got walked in and thought that since the run was a given, I could just go straight to the dugout...which, when you think about it, really does make sense, but nooooo the ump had to go ahead and pull my coach and I aside and grill me as to whether or not I touched home plate. Whoops. Needless to say, the run didn't count and my team wasn't too happy with dumdum me...
By the end of that 2nd season, I had realized that it wasn't just being on a softball team that allowed you to choose a treat from the concession stand, it was my mom who had to give money each week to the coach to cover my treat-getting. Aaaaand I could get concession stand food without having to embarrass myself on the field? Score.

When it came to Junior High, there were intramural volleyball teams available...no tryouts, a lot more low-key....definitely up my alley. And I enjoyed it! I was actually pretty good...and I still have a mean serve. This was when I realized that my dislike wasn't actually for athletics (although to this day, I HATE running of any kind)...rather, I can't stand that competitive pressure that teammates (and coaches) put on you as a player. Sure, I like to win...doesn't everyone? But what I like even more is HAVING FUN. And it is called a "game" after all...aren't games supposed to be fun?

Some people are naturally coordinated and skilled when it comes to sports...take my brother, the all-around athlete, or my neighbor who is a fantastic linebacker and (3rd in State)wrestler. But for those of us who just enjoy the camaraderie and (tiny tiny tiny) amount of exertion that comes with playing physical games, shouldn't the focus be on fun? Maybe that's why in High School I focused more on dance and music, but I still do enjoy a game of sand volleyball...that is, if my team can understand and respect that my goal is to have fun...yes, I'll try to do well, but if I'm not all that great, don't yell at me man! It's definitely not going to make me better.

What's the point? uhhhh....now that is a great question.

He thinks He's funny

I'm convinced that God thinks He's funny.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think it's entirely possible that He chuckles up there when some of the things that He orchestrates in my life occur.
Especially the events that I am completely not expecting.
And when things align and fall into place and I realize "ohhh so THAT'S why that happened..."

This is all very vague, as it should be because this happens all.the.time.

Take my life at the moment for example.
Had you asked me 4 years ago where I thought I'd be in August 2012 I would have told you searching (and hopefully landing) a position as a high school biology teacher with plans to go on for my masters and become a guidance counselor.
I would have said that I would likely be either in a serious relationship leading to marriage or even perhaps engaged.
Had you asked me if I thought I would ever move to Champaign, IL, I would have laughed.
Had you asked me if I thought I would ever change my major one semester in to Psychology, I would have thought you were crazy.
Had you asked me if I thought I would ever work full-time in Pro-Life ministry, you probably would have gotten a blank stare.

But God has funny, tricky ways.

"You sneaky Mom!"

And what's even more flabbergasting to me is that He's had this plan all along, but He would never force it upon me. Sure, He definitely intervened at times by placing people in my life to influence me in one way or another or even making it so that certain plans I had just didn't work out, but at the end of the day, my fate is up to me.

I get to choose whether or not I want to follow the plan He has laid out for me.

I get to choose if I listen to His call or not.

I get to choose His will over my own.

And so when I'm finally able to look back and laugh because it all makes sense now, I have to think that He also must be laughing. 

Just the fact that I can already see the puzzle pieces beginning to come together makes me hopeful for the future, that perhaps someday I'll understand where He's taking me and why.

I'm hilarious.

True story. Or at least, I think I'm hilarious.

Just put my bid in for baby names for the little girl my cousins J & A are having on Monday...here are my top pics:

Philomena
Perpetua
Priscilla
Paprika
Pepper
Porsche
Pocahontas
Parabola
Pebbles
Princess
Persephone

Yes, they all begin with "P".

For those of you who know the story of how J gave me the nickname "Master P", you'll also understand why I intend to call his daughter my Mini P.

For those of you who are confused, I apologize. However, I refuse to explain the story...ask me in person and I might just oblige.

Mini P is set to be born this Monday, 6/11 viz C-Section...please pray for her and Mommy for a safe delivery!

take a chill pill.

Everything is falling together...and so very quickly!

It's funny because I've said before that I laugh at myself...well, this has become more and more of a normal occurrence. This is probably because I've become increasingly insane as the days go on, especially when I'm under some sort of stress.

For example, I called and accepted the job at SFLI on Monday and then began to go into a crazy panic whilst searching for apartments in Champaign. Sure, it's important that I find a place to live but not only do I have a whole 2 weeks (not a whole lot of time, but enough) to find a place to live and I also have a couple of friends who are willing to let me crash with them for awhile if necessary!

So here I am, Monday (remember: the day that I am officially beginning to look for apts), freaking out about nothing. Literally. I mean, it's something...but it was less than 3 hrs since I accepted the position...so I was flipping....why?

And so I laughed at myself. And I continue to laugh because here I am, 48 hrs later with a place secured from June until August and a couple potentials leads on places to live August on.

So yeah. I'm crazy.
But things are working out...it's like this metaphorical cliff that I've been grasping onto suddenly let down a harness and while I'm still hanging off of the edge, I feel more secure in where I'm going and what I'm doing.

All good stuff.

comical aggravation

Have you ever had a moment when you're so aggravated that it's almost funny? Like, the reason why you're aggravated is so ridiculous that it's funny, but the thought of that fact makes the situation so much more aggravating? That's where I'm at. UGH.

Aggravated.

I should be happy that I have options.
...that I'm not freaking out about not having a job.
...that I have TOO many options.

But nope, not me. I'm just aggravated.

All I want is for God to just tell me straightforward what it is that He wants. Like "here ya go, THIS is it." But no. Now I'M the one who might have to make decisions.

And the most aggravating part is that I KNOW what the right move is. But I'm too stubborn/cowardly to do it. Not a good combo.

I know this is all very vague but I swear, someday it will all make sense...bear with me.

And prayers would be nice too...