Not Alone Series: Loneliness

We all have times when we feel alone. What are ways that you combat loneliness? Pray? Join a group? How can we encourage each other to stay positive? 

Thanks to Laura P!

I was just minding my own business, perusing Facebook, when a post by CatholicTV's Encounter caught my eye. Naturally, I clicked, and imagine my surprise when I hear the following intro to this month's Encounter episode:

"Welcome to the February edition of Encounter. Well, it is February, the month of Valentine's and a lot of people may be thinking about their relationships and about love. For many people who are single, this may not be a time of year that they get particularly excited about but this month we're going to talk to two Catholic single women who are excited about sharing their experiences in the single life with other women in the Not Alone Series."

Ok, y'all. Throughout this intro, I was cracking up. Literally. Doubling over, holding-my-side laughing.

Back in September, Jen and I traveled to Boston to talk about the Not Alone Series on This is the Day, and while there, we did mini-interviews for another CatholicTV show, Encounter. Little did I know that our interviews would be featured during the "month of love".

Hilarious!

And how fitting, too, that we have this week's topic, right before V-Day itself?!

Loneliness: a feeling, or state of being, that everyone has encountered at one time or another, but one that few people enjoy talking about.

Have you ever mentioned feeling lonely and the people around you congratulate you? Or given you a high five?

No. More often than not, it's a difficult emotion to address. And most times, I've experienced others feeling sorry for me.

Well, as "nice" as that is, people feeling bad for me doesn't help the situation. If anything, it just reminds me to never talk about my loneliness because this only leads to awkward conversations and attempts to console without knowing what to do in order to change the problem.

You see, the Not Alone Series, as I tell in my Encounter interview, began as a response to this loneliness. The loneliness, specifically, that results from feeling that you're the only person who knows what you're going through.

As much as we have created this community to address the need for solidarity, and I hope it has brought comfort to those we were trying to serve, this loneliness still exists.

I know this all too well. Despite how much I enjoy my life and am attempting to live it very fully, the loneliness creeps in.

It creeps in after I come home from work and am reminded that, like every night before, I am alone.

It creeps in during a fun night out, when I'm reminded that many of my dear friends have what I do not yet experience.

It creeps in at a family event, when I'm hand my cousin his daughter and witness the love that is shared between him and his wife.

I don't have someone to vent to about my frustrations, or share in my joys, or help to bear my burdens.

I feel that I have so much love and attention and affection and time to give, but to who?

This loneliness can overwhelm us, if we allow it. And I've allowed it to do so, from time to time. I don't want it to consume me, but it's pull is real.

What's a girl to do?

The only solution that's helped me to diminish this loneliness is to run to the Lord and Him alone. He is the only one who can comfort me, who can love me, who can understand me the way I need.

The surest way to continue feeling lonely is for me to continue distancing myself from God.

But, remember, this only diminishes the problem, it doesn't eliminate it. So, it helps to have other things in your life, in addition to your relationship with the Lord, to take your mind off of these feelings.

- Good friends, those who share your interests or hobbies. This differs from the friends we've all had who only want to talk about who's dating who and who you're dating, etc. 

- Hobbies! The best way for me to forget about being alone at home is trying to teach myself guitar (it isn't working, by the way) or working out or cooking or reading, etc etc etc.

- Learn to love your own company. Find your happy place, alone. Maybe this starts as a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine after work. Maybe this evolves into adventuring on your own, either in your town or elsewhere. Regardless, learning to enjoy your "me" time can be extremely helpful in realizing that being "alone" does not equate "loneliness".

But, sometimes, we need to let ourselves feel what we're feeling. Keeping busy and trying not to think about what you're feeling for an extended amount of time isn't healthy. We mustn't become numb to the longing of our hearts. Sometimes, it's theraputic for us to acknowledge our loneliness and let ourselves feel it. For it is only when we face something head on and allow ourselves to be that we can learn to thrive despite opposition.

Something important to understand, too, is that loneliness doesn't simply evaporate after marriage. It will still creep in, still find it's way into your heart. So if we can learn to acknowledge and adapt to our loneliness, that will only help us in the future. 

How do you deal with loneliness in your life? Please share with us in the comments below or link up your post!

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Next week's topic:

Spiritual Writings

What are some of your favorite or go-to books, devotionals or even blogs that help encourage you in your spiritual life?

2/24: TRAVEL! 
How do you travel as a single lady?! Any tips or tricks you'd like to share? Do you have anything fun planned for this year?

3/3: Dating Fast
Most of us have heard about them, but have you ever done a dating fast? If so, what was your experience? If you haven't, would you consider doing one? Why or why not?

Not Alone Series: Selfies

Do you support the selfie trend? Do you think it promotes self absorption, vanity and narcissism? Is there a way to incorporate selfies into the Church's teachings of modesty, authentic beauty, humility? 

Thanks to Hannah!

How do I feel about selfies? Basically what the second part of the above definition says.

Do I take "selfies" with friends? Yes.

Do my sister and I get a little crazy with Snapchat selfies and holiday selfies and baby selfies? Duh.

Buuuut there's a line.

No judgement, I don't think that selfies are inherently evil. However, I have unfollowed people on Instagram who seem to have the need to post a picture of themselves every. single. day.

Now, if you're with friends or just got your bridesmaid dress or are meeting your bffs baby for the first time....go for it, take that selfie. But the selfies that I'm opposed to are the self-gratifying, attention-seeking pictures. 

I'm talking about the pictures where the girl looks frazzled, yet perfectly coiffed and captions with a "days like today that I just can't wait to go home..."

Really? Is that necessary?

Again, do what you want...buuuut I might unfollow after these posts become a daily occurrence.

I think what this boils down to is our inculturated need to be constantly connected to people...which actually leads to disconnection. We post pictures and updates on what we're eating, where we're going, who we're seeing, what we're doing....so much so that we lose touch with the current moment.

We stop living simply to tell people what we're up to.

And I'm guilty of it too, to be sure. Did I really need to tweet a couple nights ago about my new loud neighbors? Or did I really need to post a picture of my fabulous Jamberry nails? Probably not. 

The world around us doesn't need a filter and neither do you. Maybe we need to pocket our phones and just be.

But first, lemme take a selfie.

What do you think about the selfie fad? Leave a comment below, or write your own post and link it up!

a song for someday

Music moves the soul, or at least, that's what Pinterest quotes tell me.

As much as I love "love songs" and "breakup songs" and "drinking songs", there seems to be a void in the category of "I'm single but wish I wasn't and long for my vocation" songs.

You might be familiar with I Will Wait by Mumford and Sons. For those of us who feel like we're waiting forrrever (so, everyone?), this is a good one.

And did you know that Matt Maher wrote My Only Love while he was single and longing for his future bride? Gold.

You're Not Alone by Marie Miller, while not specifically about this stage of life, aids in dancing out your singleness angst. It's a good "I'm here for you, friend" song. ("interesting" music video, but GREAT song)

Well, thanks to good ol' Spotify, I've discovered one more. Listen below. Love. Repeat.

Any suggestions for me and my collection? Do tell.

Not Alone Series: 2015

How are we going to make 2015 different than last year? What goals are you planning/making to be more YOU this year? These can be goals can be personal growth, spiritual life, physical/health, or even your love life! Maybe you don't have concrete ones yet, but it helps to talk them out and get motivated!

There's something about a new year - a new start, a new beginning.

I'm not the biggest proponent of new years resolutions...mainly because people tend to take on too much at once. However, I'm a big fan of continuously improving and growing, so manageable and realistic goals? I'm all about that [bass].

Going into 2015, there was a restlessness on my heart, a burden of sorts. Something I couldn't quite shake.

As I searched my soul for what this could be, there was a constant theme of being tired of trying.

I'm tired of trying to put myself out there and trying to find my husband and trying to always be "on" and trying to try...it's all exhausting. The constant voice in my head saying that I'm not enough, that I'm not quite there yet. No more.

What I want for 2015? 

To try in the only thing that will be constant in my life forever: my relationship with God.

I want to focus on being His and Him being mine. I want to allow myself to be content with that. I must let Him love me and show me how He sees me.

This is first and foremost. My relationship with Christ, and my love for Him, needs to always be the center of my life, and I haven't been living in this way for quite some time.

Along with my desire for fuller union with God comes the desire to be more of who He made me to be.

In total honesty with you all, I am horrible at taking care of my body. My hygiene is fine, thanks...no, I mean health-wise. My eating and exercise habits need a major makeover.

So far, I've been pleased with the changes I'm making. It's hard to eat crap when all you let yourself buy a the grocery store is greenery. And getting up early to work out is rough...I'm really not a morning person. But it's amazing how alert you can be after a decent amount of sleep.

Rejuvenating my bond with the Lord is happening slowly but surely. Baby steps, but ones that count.

Daily mass. Regular rosary. Spiritual reading before bed. Prayer right when I wake up. Prayer right before I sleep.

This all comes down to routine and discipline. Your prayers for my success in continuing these changes would be much appreciated!

What are you seeking to change or improve in 2015? Any hopes or dreams for the year? Share your post by linking below! Be sure to link back here and to Jen's post as well!

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Next week's topic:

Children and Babes

Do you have children in your life? What is your relationship with them like? Do you have godchildren, and how do you form a relationship with them? Does having children in (or not in) your day-to-day life make you feel happy, wistful, or wary (of having your own someday)? 

Thanks to Lindsay!

1/27: Selfies
Do you support the selfie trend? Do you think it promotes self absorption, vanity and narcissism? Is there a way to incorporate selfies into the Church's teachings of modesty, authentic beauty, humility?
Thanks to Hannah!

2/3: Qualities in our Husbands
What are the qualities and characteristics that you are looking for in your future husband? We have talked about what we don't want (link to deal breakers), but it's good to have an idea of those things that are important to us. Discerning religious life? This applies to communities, as well!

Not Alone Series: "Typical" Day!

Hello, hello! Welcome back to another year of the Not Alone Series! I can't believe that it's 2015! AH!

Before we begin, there are a few "housekeeping" things that Jen and I want to go over!

• Topics: we have updated our NAS pages to reflect the entirety of our topic schedule, thus far. We are still sifting through many a great suggestion, and will be adding more very soon. The schedule IS subject to change (if we find there is something that seems more pressing to talk about), so be sure to look at the most recent NAS post which will have the next 4 weeks, as we have been doing anyway.   
• Linking up/commenting: when linking up, be sure to link back to BOTH Jen's and my page! And, since this entire series is about fostering community, please take time to read your fellow bloggers posts and leave some comment love. We always love your comments!                                                     
• On Facebook?! Make sure you are part of the NAS closed group. There have been some awesome discussions so far! Jen and I sometimes post quick updates and things, as well. So, be sure you request to join!                                                                                                                                   
• PATRON SAINT!! We have been praying about choosing a patron saint for Not Alone Series, and we would like your help!! Please comment here (or on the FB thread) if you have a suggestion! :)

Alrighty, then! If you have any questions, feel free to reach out :)

Let's get back in the swing by sharing what our typical day is like! Tell us however you like, minute by minute or a blurb about your day! Be sure to answer these questions: 

- What is your favorite part of your day?

- What is your least favorite part of your day?

- Are you making any changes to your daily routine now that the new year has begun?

Gosh....as you might have seen in the title of this post, I use the word "typical" very loosely. In my job, there is no typical day, as every day brings something different. BUT I'll try to give you an outline of a hypothetically typical day for me :)

If you've checked out my About page, you'd have seen that I work full-time in the pro-life movement. When I tell people that, I'm not sure what they envision my day-to-day is like...but I'm pretty sure it's different than my reality :) Many people who volunteer in the pro-life movement participate in the more active portions: praying outside a clinic, marching in D.C., folding clothes at a pregnancy resource center, perhaps attending a talk....I do some of these things, but not every day.

I work on college campuses in Illinois, and am based most of the time in Champaign-Urbana. About half of my time is devoted to managing the operations of our non-profit organization. Then the other half of my time is mentoring my students...having one-on-one meetings (lunches, coffee, or just in my office), small group hangouts, large group meetings, events, etc.

And then there are weeks like this one, where my students are on break, so my time is entirely devoted to planning upcoming events, getting caught up on taxes and donation processing, and preparing for another stretch of crazy weeks.

My students are the best!

It's funny because whenever someone asks how my week will be, I usually say crazy, and they reply with "aww why?!"....but I don't mean it in a bad way! My weeks are always crazy! I work long, unusual hours (some days 9-5 or later, others noon-9PM or later) but I wouldn't have it any other way! I know the day will come when I am no longer in a relatable age-range for college students, so I'm willing to give of myself now while I have the opportunity.

Ok, enough blabbering...just wanted to give some background :)
Here's my "typical" day:



MORNING

I always have big plans to get up early and be a bit productive before work...that's almost always far from what actually happens.

7:15AM - My alarm goes off at...depending on how tired I am, I snooze it once or twice. Get up, shower, make coffee, get dressed, you know...the usual girl things :) I've pared down my makeup routine to 10 mins, so it doesn't take me TOO long to get ready. But if I get myself stuck online, checking email or Facebook...ugh. Then I'll be running late.

8:45AM - leave my place to start work at 9AM

WORK DAY

9:15-20ish - arrive in the office after swinging by our P.O. box, buying stamps as needed

9:30 - 11:45AM - spend time on the operational side of my work: going through mail, working on accounting, paying taxes and filing reports, going to the bank, processing donations, and getting thank you notes out.

11:45ish - head up to the chapel for noon Mass (my office is in a Newman Center, so I'm really blessed to have Jesus so accessible!)

12:30ish - head to lunch, sometimes with students, sometimes in my office, sometimes I give in to the draw of Chipotle :)

1PM and on - my afternoons are the most unpredictable, if I have a lunch with students, they could go for an hour or more. But most afternoons are spent doing the mentor side of my work. Hanging with students, mentoring them in their different leadership responsibilities...I usually meet with at least one student each day, though there have been days when I have student appointments at 1PM, 2PM, and 3PM....just depends! I also have at least 3 meetings each week with my coworkers and boss, so certain days have 1.5 hr meetings in the afternoon. No day is the same!

5PMish - I end my work day...theoretically. On Monday this week, I stayed until 6:15, so it just depends on what's going on and whether or not I can pull myself away. I REALLY like to leave for home once I've wrapped things up, otherwise I'll be thinking about what I need to finish all night...so I often work late. But, if I didn't make noon Mass, I'll head across town to my parish for 5:30 Mass.

EVENINGS

Again, this all depends on what's happening...I get together with friends at least once a week, either for dinner or an event (we love Tuesday Triva Night!). But many of my evenings are spent at home, making dinner, catching up on shows, reading...just low key. Planning for the week's CCD class so I'm not scrambling at the last minute. And the days I work until 9PM...I come home and go to bed soon after :)

NIGHT

I try to start getting ready for bed by 11PM...I have this HORRIBLE habit of staying up way too late, and then that becomes routine. Bad bad bad. I wash my face, read a few pages of whatever I'm reading (currently, it's The Joy of the Gospel!), and go to sleep. I TRY not to be on my phone in bed, but again, bad habits.

WEEKENDS

Saturdays are usually pretty chill, getting up later and lounging around. Drink more coffee than usual... :) Finishing up my CCD lesson plan if I didn't do that earlier in the week. Maybe see friends in the evening. Most likely go to vigil Mass.

Sundays I teach 7th grade CCD beginning at 10:45AM, so I have to be there by 10:30AM. We're done at noon, so I'll go and do my rosary in the Adoration Chapel and afterward, grab brunch with one of my best friends (who's the DRE) and her fiance (6th grade catechist), or head over to a friends for brunch. We love Sunday brunch together! Then likely do my grocery shopping for the week in the afternoon. My students usually have their weekly Executive Board meeting Sunday afternoons around 4, so I'll go to that and then hit up 5:15PM Mass if I didn't go to the vigil.

PHEW! That's a lot! If you skimmed it, no worries...I'm sure not everyone's super interested! Ha! Now for the questions....

What is your favorite part of your day?

I love my Moka!

Hmmm probably right after my coffee is made and I take my first sip. I love that part of my day. It's just a minute or two of "me time" and I love it! Plus, I've become a bit obsessed with coffee, so there are a few different coffee contraptions in my apartment. The normal coffee maker comes out if I have people over, I use my French Press on a normal weekday morning, and then my Moka Express is for weekends when I have more time to prepare an at-home latte :)

What is your least favorite part of your day?

Going to bed? I mean, I love my sleep, but I have a hard time pulling myself away from...anything! Oh, or maybe the evenings when I need to clean my kitchen....things tend to pile up, so I hate having to do that. Maybe that's why dishes pile up...hmm.

Are you making any changes to your daily routine now that the new year has begun?

Yes! I am trying to actually wake up at a regular time to make more time in the mornings for me to work out. I haven't been making this a priority, and I want that to change. Also, being more disciplined with my sleep schedule and stopping screen time at least an hour before bed.

Well, that's it for me! Check out the other NAS ladies' days over at Jen's and join us next week for another topic! Schedule below!

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Next week's topic:

Looking Ahead to 2015

How are we going to make 2015 different than last year? What goals are you planning/making to be more YOU this year? These can be goals can be personal growth, spiritual life, physical/health, or even your love life! Maybe you don't have concrete ones yet, but it helps to talk them out and get motivated!

1/20: Children and Babes

Do you have children in your life? What is your relationship with them like? Do you have godchildren, and how do you form a relationship with them? Does having children in (or not in) your day-to-day life make you feel happy, wistful, or wary (of having your own someday)? 

Thanks to Lindsay!

1/27: Selfies

Do you support the selfie trend? Do you think it promotes self absorption, vanity and narcissism? Is there a way to incorporate selfies into the Church's teachings of modesty, authentic beauty, humility? 

Thanks to Hannah!

2015: A Look Ahead @ "Here I Am"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

First off, hello! You didn't remember that I had a blog, eh? It's, ok...clearly I forgot too :)

I have many hopes for 2015, one of those being that I carve out time for the things that I enjoy, especially blogging!

But, with most good habits, it's hard to get started. Thankfully, Natalie helped us all out with her "2015: A Look Ahead" link-up, complete with questions! Hooray!

Without further adieu, here we go....

1. Do you think you will be going to school at any point in 2015? If so for what?

I don't anticipate taking any academic classes, but I do hope to start learning NFP (Creighton) from a practitioner in town. Perhaps that will take me to the Pope Paul VI Institute for more training? We'll see :)

2. Will there be a job change for you in 2015?
I'd like to confidently say "no"...but then again, you never know what God has in store! I don't have any plans to leave my current position this year.

3. What adventure or event are you most looking forward to during this coming year?
Oh man...this is hard. Definitely witnessing 3 of my best friends getting married AND having the honor of standing up in their weddings. I'm giddy just thinking about all the love and joy that is to come! And then, of course, I'm overwhelmed with anticipation of my trip to Philadelphia to see Pope Francis. Can't. Wait.

4. Do you think there will be a move to a new house/apartment/city/state/country in 2015?
I don't think I'll move this year. I HOPE I won't move this year. My current apartment is the fourth home I've had in the 2.5 years I've lived here, so....yeah. I hope to stay here for awhile :)

5. What do you see as the direction of your blog in 2015? Design update plans? Link-ups coming down the pipes? More or less posts?
Gosh, I hope I can get back on the blogging wagon. Fell off of it for awhile there. Writing is such a release for me, so I really want to be better about affording myself the time to write at least weekly. I have a few ideas for different topics that are exciting, so hopefully I can follow through :)

6. If you could guarantee that one thing could happen this coming year what would it be?

I'd really like to make some big changes in my spiritual and physical health, so I'd love a guarantee that I have the motivation and dedication necessary to make these changes. Normally, I would say that I'd love a guarantee that Mr. Right and I meet this year, but that's not my focus right now. I'd prefer some guaranteed trust in the journey :)

Happy 2015 to you! Head over to Natalie's for more 2015 hopes and plans, and to link up your own!