When Jealousy Threatens Joy

Welcome to summer, folks - also known as "Wedding Season"!

Now, I love weddings. The dressing up! The sacraments! The love! The tears!
All good things.

And don't forget about the post-wedding goodies! Dancing, food, fellowship! Pictures, videos, marriage!
Again, all good things.

There are people who would comment that I'm in that stage of life when everyone is pairing and marrying, and to an extent, they'd be right. The mid-twenties: an age where it seems that EVERYONE is getting married.

It's true, many of my friends have entered marriage this year - I've been in three of these weddings since March! But, in a way, it feels as if I've been in this stage of "marriage is the thing to do" for awhile.

I have friends who married young, while we were still in college.
I have friends who married after they graduated, but while I was still in school.
Then there were the friends marrying the summer of our college graduation.
And throughout these three years following college, nearly each season has been filled with friends entering into this next chapter.

I've begun to wonder: how does one fully embrace the joy one has for friends entering marriage while feeling the heartache of longing for that vocation?

Recently, I watched the wedding video of a friend from high school. SO BEAUTIFUL. The love he and his new wife share is palpable. I was moved to tears, and I realized that these tears weren't simply happy ones, but slightly sad ones shed for myself.

Don't get me wrong - I am overjoyed for each and every one of my friends who've entered and will enter into this sacrament. To witness the love between two people is incredible, so to witness the love between two people you love is overwhelming. It's truly an honor to share in their joy.

And yet, I feel the twinge of jealousy. Just a twinge, followed by a wave of guilt. What's wrong with me?! These are my friends getting married!

I try to focus on the joy and ignore the ache of my heart saying "AH, why not me?"

But pushing down these feelings, this ache, pretending that I don't feel the way I do.... this doesn't make it go away. The struggle is real, y'all. I'm convinced that there is nothing quite like the pain of waiting for your vocation, especially when you're certain of God's call for you.

I had a moment in prayer weeks ago - while simultaneously driving because, hey, why not make the best of that highway time? - during which I got this image of when I'm finally married to the man God created for me and I am able to look at my husband and say "you were so worth the wait". Many emotions washed over me in my mind's eye - that feeling of "home" and gratitude for the struggle.

Call this prophesy or a glimpse of my future for the sake of keeping hope alive in my heart, but whatever it was, I'm grateful for it. For the first time, my heart believes that whenever that day comes, when my husband and I are together at last, the pain and longing and tears will all have been worth it.

The Lord has fulfilled other promises He's made to me, why do I doubt that He will fulfill this one as well? Trust is the only cure and one of the hardest things to develop.

I'm not sure how to close out this post.... I have no resolution. This struggle between the ache of my heart and the bubbling over joy is an on-going reality.

I will continue to bask in the glow of my loved ones who have found the one for whom their soul longs.
I will continue to allow myself to feel what I feel, yet not dwell on these emotions which crush my hope.
I will continue to cling to the cross, knowing that He will fulfill the desires He's placed on my heart.

I'm single and yeah, I use NFP.

It's NFP week! Lots of posts have been published on this topic, but I've seen few written by non-married peeps! So, I'm taking a hiatus from my blogging hiatus to contribute from a non-married lady's perspective :)

It was a few years ago when my interest in Natural Family Planning (NFP) was sparked. I was intrigued by the concept of truly understanding your body and it's happenings while also being able to identify fertility markers.

But as much as I thought it all sounded interesting, I never imagined that I'd dive into that world until I was close to marriage.

After all, it seems like everyone learning NFP is over here like:

And I'm here all:

That all changed when I attended the Vita Institute.

For anyone unfamiliar with the Vita Institute, it's an intensive interdisciplinary training program for leaders in the national and international pro-life movement. A program of the Notre Dame Center for Ethics and Culture, the Vita Institute was one of the most incredible weeks of my life. Not only was the educational material top-notch, but the community fostered between myself and the other participants is unmatched.

When I attended in June 2014, one of our lectures was given by Suzy Younger, MS, FCP of the St. Joseph FertilityCare Center. Suzy's lecture was one of my favorites. The way in which she spoke of NFP as a key to understanding the mystery of the female body hooked me.

Following that lecture, I decided that I needed to learn how to chart via Creighton. I know a bit about most NFP models, but Creighton was the one that has come most highly recommended from friends and family.

And so, in February of 2015, I began to meet with a Fertility Care Practitioner (FCP) to learn the Creighton Model FertilityCare System. I've been charting for about 5 months now and wow. So cool.

My reasons for learning Creighton stemmed from past complications in my cycle and the desire to learn more about my fertility. When I was in college, my doctor decided to put me on the pill because my irregular cycles were due to a lack of ovulation. Yet, the pill suppresses ovulation. Hormonal birth control is often prescribed to "fix" a problem, when it actually just masks it without digging to the cause.

Additionally, I know many couples who had a quick engagement and between preparing for marriage, a wedding, etc....also threw learning NFP into the mix. More often than not, I've seen friends either stressed by the pressure to learn NFP in a short amount of time, or neglect their instruction amidst the buzz of planning.

Basically, I don't want to do that. I have no idea when marriage will become a reality in my life (aka I'm single and ready to mingle, fellas) and I also have no idea if my future husband and I will have grave reasons for avoiding pregnancy. Regardless, I intend to enter into marriage as prepared as possible. I desire to be equally spiritually, emotionally, and fertility-y prepared for marriage.

So, this post is for any single lady who's been thinking about learning an NFP method, or anyone who thought that NFP was only for married people. I've been in both camps and I want to make a few points.


1. Reading about NFP methods online and from friends is not sufficient for effective use.

I have friends, married and single alike, who haven't been formally trained in any particular NFP method, but "get by" with borrowed materials from friends and/or online research. From my experience, you will never be able to fully learn any NFP method without formal instruction. I went into my first appointment with my FCP thinking that this would all be a piece of cake. But several follow-ups later, I am convinced that having a practitioner who gives me, my chart, and my questions individualized attention is much better than any Google search.

Do yourself a favor and seek out an instructor before teaching yourself a wonky version of NFP.


2. It IS NOT unethical for unmarried women to learn NFP.

This question was asked in a Facebook group for unmarried ladies who are interested in NFP. Considering that NFP is often misjudged as "natural birth control", I can understand the worry that using NFP will only encourage promiscuity.

But truly, all NFP methods are focused on learning the unique rhythm of each woman's body. While you are taught how to identify days of fertility and infertility, NFP is NOT natural birth control. Creighton, in particular, is taught in a way that is cognizant of the human person as mind, body, and soul. NFP sees fertility as a part of health, not a disease to be fixed. Learning NFP can also help to identify biomarkers of abnormalities, which are useful for any woman.


3. Learning NFP is worth the investment.

I'm not familiar with what cost is associated with learning NFP methods other than Creighton, but I'm sure there's something. It's my understanding that each instructor is responsible for setting their rates, but I could be wrong. Additionally, I've heard multiple instructors say that they never turn away someone because they can't afford the session fees.

As a single lady trying to live my life off of one income, the price tag attached to learning Creighton was daunting at first. But ultimately, I know that whatever I need to pay to learn Creighton is an investment in knowledge for the rest of my life. After your first year of instruction, follow-ups are more spread out and the majority of the cost comes from materials (once every 6 mo).

Additionally, depending on your health care plan, you may be able to get reimbursement for out-of-pocket charges through a flex-spending account or the like. Look into how you can make this work! Giving up Starbucks twice a week would cover my follow-up fees, and isn't that worth a lifetime of knowledge?!


4. Why wait to learn something that you can implement today?

Sure, NFP is an awesome tool to be utilized within marriage for family planning. However, there is so much more to learning NFP than just knowing when you could make a baby.

Through the observation you're taught, hormonal imbalances, issues like PCOS of endometriosis, and more is able to be detected. In this information-obsessed society, it seems natural that women would want to know as much as possible about their own bodies as possible. For me, I was interested in learning Creighton so that I can detect potential fertility issues now rather than down the road whenever marriage comes into play.


5. The human body is AWESOME.

How incredible is it that without any high-tech tools, I can monitor where I am in my cycle and my current fertility? Like, talk about being a crunchy hippy. (life goal, BTW) I'm serious about my faith and chastity, but it's still fascinating to know on certain days: "huh, my body could maybe make a baby today".

Just by learning how to make observations and evaluate them, you can take charge of your fertility. NFP gives patients the chance to have a hand in understanding and tracking their health, something that most modern medicine cannot say.

I encourage anyone who's even remotely interested in learning more about NFP and how to begin learning to check out some of the resources below. And if I didn't convince you to dig deeper, maybe Kelly can.

Creighton Model

Billings Ovulation Model

Sympto-Thermal Method

Marquette Model

living {life} as it is

"I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, 
he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." 

- John 15:5 -

"For those of you who are married, imagine your life without your spouse. For those of you with children, imagine your life, it's impossible, without your children."

My pastor began his homily on Sunday with these words. Well intended, to be sure, as he began to discuss what our lives would be without God and this comparison would help to conceptualize this lack for the congregation. Yet, unexpectedly, I was overcome with a wave of tears as I thought:

"What about me?! I don't have any of that!"

Immediately, my mind was swept away from the current moment, the beauty of the Mass, and taken to a place I long to be. A place where I hold a sweet child in my arms, a place where the comfort of my husband's arm encircles us both. Surrounded by my loving and vibrant parish community where seemingly hundreds of couples were living this reality with their hundreds of babies, I was overcome by my aching heart.

This is a constant struggle for me: presence in the current moment. How quickly am I able to forget about my present, my present which is very full.

I'm easily distracted by the lives of others. I constantly compare where I am to where friends, family, acquaintances, strangers, etc. are.

Other women my age who are having their first, second, third! child.

Other women my age who are getting engaged or married.

Other women my age who are moving up the corporate ladder, gaining prestige, wealth, and power.

Other women my age who are travelling to places I long to see, experiencing a life I wish I could afford the time or expense to live.

I'm easily overcome with wishing I had what any, or all of them, have....and lose sight of how much I love what I have.

I love where I live; my town and everything it has to offer.

I love my work, my co-workers, and why we do what we do.

I love the travels I've taken, the opportunities I've had, and the trips I'm planning.

I love the relationships I've cultivated, the friends I've made, the stories we can tell.

I love the independence my current life holds, with all it's unpredictability and freedom.

The lives of other women my age are wonderful and beautiful and blessed.

And so is mine.

As a result of my recent birthday - 25! ah! - I've been hit once again with the reality that where I am in my life is not at all where I had hoped, or anticipated. But, this isn't an inherently sorrowful reality.

What would be a sorrowful reality is if I wasted these present moments living in and for the future.

I've finally, truly found a place in my life where I'm content. I know who I am, where I am, and where/who I want to be. Why can't I just sit in that and be content?! If I believe that He has a plan for my life, then I must also believe that this time is also part of His plan! These aches and pains are perhaps simply His pruning of the branches.

These desires of my heart, placed there by God, for marriage and children - ah, and these are such present desires! -  are good and pure, but they are not the end-all-be-all. 

I'm still coming to accept and embrace that my vocation, right now and forever, is to live fully as a follower of Christ. This is not dependent upon my relationship status. Nor is the need for me to grow and evolve into the woman God made me to be.

Regardless of if I'm single, dating, engaged, or married, I'm called to live for Christ every day and love Him above all else. Losing sight of that will only make His pruning more difficult.

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Linking up with the Blessed is She community!

Not Alone Series: Loneliness

We all have times when we feel alone. What are ways that you combat loneliness? Pray? Join a group? How can we encourage each other to stay positive? 

Thanks to Laura P!

I was just minding my own business, perusing Facebook, when a post by CatholicTV's Encounter caught my eye. Naturally, I clicked, and imagine my surprise when I hear the following intro to this month's Encounter episode:

"Welcome to the February edition of Encounter. Well, it is February, the month of Valentine's and a lot of people may be thinking about their relationships and about love. For many people who are single, this may not be a time of year that they get particularly excited about but this month we're going to talk to two Catholic single women who are excited about sharing their experiences in the single life with other women in the Not Alone Series."

Ok, y'all. Throughout this intro, I was cracking up. Literally. Doubling over, holding-my-side laughing.

Back in September, Jen and I traveled to Boston to talk about the Not Alone Series on This is the Day, and while there, we did mini-interviews for another CatholicTV show, Encounter. Little did I know that our interviews would be featured during the "month of love".

Hilarious!

And how fitting, too, that we have this week's topic, right before V-Day itself?!

Loneliness: a feeling, or state of being, that everyone has encountered at one time or another, but one that few people enjoy talking about.

Have you ever mentioned feeling lonely and the people around you congratulate you? Or given you a high five?

No. More often than not, it's a difficult emotion to address. And most times, I've experienced others feeling sorry for me.

Well, as "nice" as that is, people feeling bad for me doesn't help the situation. If anything, it just reminds me to never talk about my loneliness because this only leads to awkward conversations and attempts to console without knowing what to do in order to change the problem.

You see, the Not Alone Series, as I tell in my Encounter interview, began as a response to this loneliness. The loneliness, specifically, that results from feeling that you're the only person who knows what you're going through.

As much as we have created this community to address the need for solidarity, and I hope it has brought comfort to those we were trying to serve, this loneliness still exists.

I know this all too well. Despite how much I enjoy my life and am attempting to live it very fully, the loneliness creeps in.

It creeps in after I come home from work and am reminded that, like every night before, I am alone.

It creeps in during a fun night out, when I'm reminded that many of my dear friends have what I do not yet experience.

It creeps in at a family event, when I'm hand my cousin his daughter and witness the love that is shared between him and his wife.

I don't have someone to vent to about my frustrations, or share in my joys, or help to bear my burdens.

I feel that I have so much love and attention and affection and time to give, but to who?

This loneliness can overwhelm us, if we allow it. And I've allowed it to do so, from time to time. I don't want it to consume me, but it's pull is real.

What's a girl to do?

The only solution that's helped me to diminish this loneliness is to run to the Lord and Him alone. He is the only one who can comfort me, who can love me, who can understand me the way I need.

The surest way to continue feeling lonely is for me to continue distancing myself from God.

But, remember, this only diminishes the problem, it doesn't eliminate it. So, it helps to have other things in your life, in addition to your relationship with the Lord, to take your mind off of these feelings.

- Good friends, those who share your interests or hobbies. This differs from the friends we've all had who only want to talk about who's dating who and who you're dating, etc. 

- Hobbies! The best way for me to forget about being alone at home is trying to teach myself guitar (it isn't working, by the way) or working out or cooking or reading, etc etc etc.

- Learn to love your own company. Find your happy place, alone. Maybe this starts as a cup of coffee in the morning or a glass of wine after work. Maybe this evolves into adventuring on your own, either in your town or elsewhere. Regardless, learning to enjoy your "me" time can be extremely helpful in realizing that being "alone" does not equate "loneliness".

But, sometimes, we need to let ourselves feel what we're feeling. Keeping busy and trying not to think about what you're feeling for an extended amount of time isn't healthy. We mustn't become numb to the longing of our hearts. Sometimes, it's theraputic for us to acknowledge our loneliness and let ourselves feel it. For it is only when we face something head on and allow ourselves to be that we can learn to thrive despite opposition.

Something important to understand, too, is that loneliness doesn't simply evaporate after marriage. It will still creep in, still find it's way into your heart. So if we can learn to acknowledge and adapt to our loneliness, that will only help us in the future. 

How do you deal with loneliness in your life? Please share with us in the comments below or link up your post!

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Next week's topic:

Spiritual Writings

What are some of your favorite or go-to books, devotionals or even blogs that help encourage you in your spiritual life?

2/24: TRAVEL! 
How do you travel as a single lady?! Any tips or tricks you'd like to share? Do you have anything fun planned for this year?

3/3: Dating Fast
Most of us have heard about them, but have you ever done a dating fast? If so, what was your experience? If you haven't, would you consider doing one? Why or why not?

a song for someday

Music moves the soul, or at least, that's what Pinterest quotes tell me.

As much as I love "love songs" and "breakup songs" and "drinking songs", there seems to be a void in the category of "I'm single but wish I wasn't and long for my vocation" songs.

You might be familiar with I Will Wait by Mumford and Sons. For those of us who feel like we're waiting forrrever (so, everyone?), this is a good one.

And did you know that Matt Maher wrote My Only Love while he was single and longing for his future bride? Gold.

You're Not Alone by Marie Miller, while not specifically about this stage of life, aids in dancing out your singleness angst. It's a good "I'm here for you, friend" song. ("interesting" music video, but GREAT song)

Well, thanks to good ol' Spotify, I've discovered one more. Listen below. Love. Repeat.

Any suggestions for me and my collection? Do tell.

Single Women Making a Difference Interview!

Hey hey hey!!!

A few months back, through our NAS Facebook group, I learned of a blogger who specifically focuses on mentoring young women. Whaaat?! Awesome!

I'm always so excited to discover new single-lady bloggers...so discovering Brenda from Triple Braided Life was like discovering a gold mine. Why, you ask? Well, well, well.

Brenda launched this new series in October called 31 Days of Interviews with Single Women Making a Difference. Basically, every day in October, Brenda interviewed a different single gal who isn't wasting her single years being sad about her relationship status, but is embracing life and living these years to the fullest! It's really been incredible "meeting" all of these other women who are in this same boat!

I feel so blessed to be counted among these women and my interview was posted today! Head on over to Brenda's to check it out!

Be sure to read the other 30 interviews, as well!

Not Alone Series: Online Dating Dos and Don'ts

Welcome back to another NAS Tuesday! I hope you had a chance to see some of my and Jen's adventure in Boston! We had the absolutely BEST time at CatholicTV! Check out my Twitter and Instagram for more :) And if you're joining us for the first time reading or linking up, welcome!!

Not all of us have jumped into the world of online dating, but many of us have! What are those things that we should AND shouldn't do?! If someone you know is considering online dating, how would you encourage him/her? What advice do you have?

This week's prompt is an interesting one and one that not everyone can necessary weigh in on. Surely, not everyone has tried online dating, but it does seem to be popular these days and is certainly a common topic of discussion in our NAS Facebook group!

I haven't come out and said anything on this here blog yet, but I can speak on this topic because, yes, I recently joined the online dating world. Sometime in May, after some prayer and a lot of "why the heck not"s, I signed up for CatholicMatch. I have a lot of friends (both blogging and IRL) who have tried various dating sites with various results...many of those results being successful. And by successful I mean either serious relationships or engagements.

So, what I have I learned these past 4ish months since trying out CM? While I might still be a rookie in online dating, I have definitely learned A LOT. So here are some of my tips...

DO try it out.

If you want. If you're curious. I decided that I didn't have a whole lot to lose, and if I'm truly open to however God wants to bring my future husband and I together, then why not try to open every door possible? The worst that can happen is...nothing. But at least you were open to the possibilities!

DON'T put all your eggs in one basket.

Online dating is not the end-all-be-all. It is not the cure for singleness. It is a tool that could potentially help you meet a "special someone" (if I hear/read that phrase one more time...). But don't expect a dating site to "fix" your love life. Be open to other possibilities and don't stop living your life.

DO be honest with yourself and potential suitors.

If there is a fundamental reason you think this guy who messaged you is not a good fit, that is ok. You don't have to be attracted to every single person who makes contact! Just be sure to message him back with a simple "thanks for reaching out, but I don't think I see anything more than friendship...best wishes for your future." No huge explanation necessary. Believe me, he'll likely thank you for your honesty.

DON'T be perturbed by the thought of someone you're interested in talking to other women.

Look, this is just the way things go. On a site like CatholicMatch, there are literally thousands of guys. In order to sort through them all, you will likely be talking/messaging/chatting with multiple men at one point or another. So, it's extremely likely that someone you're getting to know is also getting to know other women. Even men serious about finding their future wife will likely be in contact with multiple women.

DO keep your pictures current and high quality!

This might sound obvious, but this is so essential! Make sure you find a pic that was taken in good lighting, and that it's one that shows your "true" self. By this I mean your sweet smile, silly humor, or what have you.

DON'T be afraid to initiate contact.

Now, before Cindy protests, allow me to explain ;) Ladies, we want a man to pursue. How he acts early on in the relationship is an indicator of how he will act throughout. However, I think that viewing profiles, taking interviews, or mayyybe even sending emotigrams are perfectly acceptable. (these are all CM specific things, which is the only site I can speak to, sorry!) I draw the line at long introductory messages with 10 questions. The way I see it, a "view" is like a glance across the bar, taking interview questions is similar to a friend telling a guy about you, and an emotigram is like a smile or saying "hi". Now, I don't use emotigrams often because I think they're corny and annoying....but hey, whatever floats your boat. :) 

DO fill out every section of your profile.

If you're going to pay to be on a dating site, make sure you get the most out of it. Fill out the questions completely so anyone viewing your profile gets a good idea of what you're all about.

DON'T keep a relationship online.

By this I mean if you're within visiting distance, meet up if possible. This hasn't been possible for the guys I've gotten to know, but then move the conversation from online to as personal as possible...and soon. Use Cindy's tips on how to suggest this without leading and do this as soon as you feel comfortable. The sooner you make contact more than just email, the easier it will be to discern if you actually get along with the guy you're talking with.

DO continue to be "picky".

Just because you're giving online dating a go doesn't mean that you're desperate. It doesn't mean your standards have changed. If you've joined CatholicMatch or Christian Mingle or some other faith-based site...keep that standard. I've noticed a ton of guys on CM who only agree with 2-3 of the 7 Catholic faith questions. Mmmmm I'm gonna wait for a 7/7. After all, I joined CATHOLICMatch for a reason.

I can't wait to read everyone else's advice and perspectives! Knowing how diverse our opinions can be, I expect a good discussion for this topic as well :)

What do you think about online dating? What are your tips and tricks? Dos and Don'ts? Write a post and link up below!

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Next week's topic:

Courtship vs. Dating

It might be easy to say that the pursuit of marriage is the purpose of dating (aka courtship). But, that's not how our culture views dating. Does viewing the person you're dating as a potential spouse add unnecessary pressure on the relationship? In your opinion, is there a difference between dating and courtship? If so, what are those differences? 

9/30: Our Makeup Routines
What are your thoughts on wearing make up? Do you see a tension between a pressure from society and a God-given desire to be and make life beautiful? Is your use of make up compatible with the idea that God sees you as naturally beautiful? (Thanks to Bek!)

10/7: Rosary + Single Life
October is dedicated to the Holy Rosary, so we wanted to honor Mary and reflect on her help during this time of singleness. How have you called on her intercession before? What is your relationship with our Blessed Mother like? If you don't know much about Mary or the Rosary, is there something keeping you from getting to know her?

10/14: Modesty
Continuing on our reflections about our make up routines, let's chat about modesty! What does modesty mean to you? Does it just involve the clothes you wear and how you wear them? What about the things you say or do? In what ways can we improve our overall modesty?

7 Quick Takes (29)

Well well well what do we have here?! A non-NAS post?! WOAH. Yep, that's right...I'm making a come-back people! Brace yourselves! :) Linking up with Jen in an attempt to ease myself back into the land of the blogging. :)

[1] This past weekend I had the absolutely WORST bout of allergies EVER. Perhaps it was mixed with a sinus infection, but regardless...Happy Mother's Day, Mom...now can you take my temperature?

Yes I am a 24 year old adult and still want my mommy to take care of me when I'm sick.

The good news is that with all of the rain we've had this week, pollen counts are plummeting!
Hello breathing easy!

The bad news is that with all of the rain we've had this week....it's been raining all week.
Hello humidity and crazy curls!

Furrr realzz.

[2] I've ready for some warm weather...heck, I'd settle for sunny and 55°. But thanks to Audrey's post on cute spring shoes, I'm back in my optimistic, "the sun will come out tomorrow let's hope maybe if the rain doesn't ruin it" mood :)

I'm pining for these babies.

[3] I cannot believe that I've yet to mention this in a blog post. If you've been around for any length of time (before I went all AWOL), you'll know that I have a severe attachment to the Patton clan.
Some would call me a stalker, I prefer affectionately attentive. I think they're cool with it.

But aaanyway, can we just pause for a moment and acknowledge:

a) how freaking cute/adorable/perfect little Miss Phoebe is?
b) how freaking cute/adorable/perfect the name "Phoebe Patton" is?
c) how much I love the 4 kid grams? LOVE.
d) how much I want Simace to adopt me. Please? I do diapers.

Lemme know, Grace. I'm (affectionately) yours :)

[4] Also, don't ask me how many times I've watched this video of the Patton kids meet their newest sib.
No, really...don't. If I answer I just might have to admit I have a problem.

[5] Move on, Morgan....

Ok, so have y'all heard 6' 2'' by Marie Miller? I know I've seen it shared by others before, but I stumbled upon it again and AH...love.



Plus, turns out she's Catholic. I loved this article about how true and natural this desire/longing/etc for your spouse is. Solidarity, people!

[6] While I'm talking about music, I've been real sentimental lately thinking about how my baby sister is graduating from high school in a couple weeks. ahhhh when did she grow up?! ...and Compass by Lady Antebellum reminds me of her and this place in life.



My favorite line:

"So let your heart, sweetheart be your compass when you're lost and you should follow it wherever it may go"

This should be true for everyone, but especially as a soon-to-be HS grad...it's important :) I'm real pumped though that she'd decided to attend my alma mater and will only be 45 mins from me! Yay!

[7] I'm so excited for the next few weeks! I found out a little while ago that I was accepted into the 2014 Vita Institute at Notre Dame! I'll be staying on campus for a little more than a week at the beginning of June and studying various subjects in relation to the pro-life movement including philosophy, politics, law, social science, biology, etc. I cannot wait!

Well, that wasn't so hard! Maybe I'll be able to crank out another post in 3 months ;)
Have a lovely weekend! Check out the other Quick Takers over at Jen's!

Not Alone Series: Selfish Singles

Hello ladies! I hope you're all having a blessed Holy Week!

I'm especially excited about this week's topic as it is something I've struggled with for a while now!

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

Here's the thing, I've grown to LOVE my independence. The ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want is so liberating. And so when at the beginning of this year I resolved to make the most of my free time, I took full advantage.

My weekends were spent sleeping in, reading, watching movies, and doing....nothing. It was glorious.
But after a couple of weekends spent in this way, I began to feel empty. Like I could be doing something more than just serving myself.

So I began helping as a CCD aide on the Sunday mornings that I'm in town. And what's funny, friends, is that the more you give, the more you desire to give. I've found that as I give a little bit here and there, my desire to continue to serve and give of myself grows. As much as I love sleeping in on Sundays, it occurred to me this weekend that I want to give more! So I'm now discerning which grade level the Lord wants me to teach next year as the primary CCD instructor.

Look, these years of our lives are a blessing in that we do have a lot of freedom, flexibility, and free-time. But in sacrificing, I've found more fulfillment than I ever did doing nothing with my weekends.

I was telling a friend this weekend about my tank concept and how important giving back is to my "self-esteem tank". Upon hearing this, he exclaimed: "But Morgan! Your whole life is giving back!"
That might be true...my full-time job is one of ministry and involves much sacrifice and service.
HOWEVER. That cannot be an excuse for my lack of giving back in other ways.
Believe me, there's that little voice in my head every Sunday morning saying: "Oh, you don't really need to go help with CCD...you worked so hard already this week! Don't you deserve a break?" ....and I can't let that voice win. We are all called to serve, no matter our occupation or calling.

How about you? In what areas of your life can you shift from self-service to one of serving others?

Maybe you have friends who could use a babysitter a couple times a month so they can go out by themselves. Or maybe there's a soup kitchen you can help out with on Saturday mornings. Or what about your parish's Religious Education? There is always a need for teachers! Most parish's have the opportunity to usher or help in the nursery during mass. Can you find time to give back in some way?

I watched the following video on my retreat last weekend and AH. I encourage you to watch it, I was truly inspired to do whatever little things I can to make the world a better place.



And friends, frustration will happen.
This Sunday, I had CCD, a work meeting with my students, and I was booked to babysit for friends. AND I desperately wanted to be able to make it to brunch with friends. It was annoying to have to try to juggle everything and not resent my "giving" commitments. But our Lord is always faithful and helps to make it all work! In these times, I take a deep breath and ask that the Holy Spirit help me to be present in whatever I am doing. It helps!

Link up below with your post on how you combat being selfish with your time as a single person!

And check out our Facebook group!

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Next week's topic:

Marriage

Most of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)

Not Alone Series: Deal Breakers

tsk tsk tsk...tardy for the party again. Ah well, better late than never!

We have all thought about our list of qualities for our future spouse (and maybe even religious community), but sometimes those can be pretty limiting on who God has planned for you. Instead, maybe think about the few things that are so important to you, that if a guy you were considering dating (or community you were entering) didn't have those things, you would have to move on. Why are those things important to you? 

We've talked before about our ideal qualities in a spouse and to be honest, I stand by the ones I chose back then:

1. He must be kind and affectionate

2. He must be intelligent

3. He must be tall (at least 6'0'')

Hmmmm you might notice that "Catholic" isn't on that list. Well, I did have a disclaimer that I was assuming Catholic was a given...but to be honest, I'm not 100% sold on that being a deal breaker.

Before anyone starts flippin' tables, let me explain.

It is extremely important to me that whoever I marry has a strong relationship with the Lord. Being that my faith is such an integral part of my life, I cannot imagine marrying a man who does not understand that part of my identity.

Going into college, I never imagined that I'd ever waver on this part of my "list". I couldn't imagine ever being serious about anyone who wasn't Catholic. But then it happened.

I won't go into the details on this today, but in getting to know a young man who was "just" Christian, and a strong one at that, I began to wonder if I was pigeon-holing myself and not allowing the Lord to have true reign over my love life. After all, if I'm seeking His will, won't He lead me to the man he's prepared for me?

Nothing ever progressed with that guy, but it definitely got me to thinking that I should be open to whoever God had planned for me. This mentality was strengthened when a friend's ex-boyfriend ended up converting to Catholicism because of the exposure to our faith she'd witnessed to him. He is now studying at the Augustine Institute.

And just this past week, I attended a fundraising conference in North Carolina where I met so many amazing Christian men who are on fire for the Lord. I couldn't help but wonder if through situations like this, which I hadn't planned on experiencing originally (I mean, fundraising conference? really? who goes to things like that?), God might just bring my future husband and I together.

Ideally my future husband would be Catholic.
but....ideally I would be married already.

See, our plans don't always go as we expect....so while I will continue my "search" in primarily Catholic circles, I'm also open to whoever the Lord brings into my life. I have past experience with Him changing my plans and His are much better and greater than what I imagined.

So...back to my list. Well, there's definitely one thing I won't waver on: marrying a man who loves the Lord.
Aside from that, he also must be open to life...whatever that means for us. (2 kids? 12 kids? adoption?)
And if I'm pulling from my list above, I'd prefer a tall, kind, affectionate, and intelligent hubby.

But other than those things....well, anything else is negotiable. As long as that foundation of morals and ethics are the same, what else really matters?

If you haven't checked out the other responses to this week's prompt, head on over to Jen's and please link-up your post as well!

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Next week's topic:

Beginning of the Year Goals + Lent!

Remember our first post this year? How are the goals you set going? Regardless of how your goals are going, how are you utilizing this Lent to continue to strive for those goals?

April 8th: Do's and Don'ts of First DatesWhat are those things that we should be doing, and the things that we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts (clothes to wear, places to go, things to say) or emotional parts (talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc). We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

April 15th: Selfish SinglesHow do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

April 22nd: MarriageMost of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)

to the younger singles

**this post is simply an analysis of my own thoughts/feelings, not a response to comments from others**

Something's been bothering me for weeks now and I have to get it off my chest.

Recently, I've felt guilty for feeling sad or upset or forlorn about being single because I'm still "young".

I talk to other women (and men!) who are several years older than I am, and while they lament about their being single and their longing for their vocation, I nod along...completely understanding where they're coming from. I too feel that pain.
But then they look at me and say, "Oh, but you're still so young. You have plenty of time."

Ok, so I'm aware that I'm only 23. (I'll be 24 next month.)

But does that mean that my aching, my longing, for marriage is less valid? 
Does my age mean that I can't possibly comprehend how an "older" single must feel?
Does it prevent me from truly understanding your pain?

Is it because I talk of living in "the now"?
Is it because I attempt to find joy in the everyday, regardless of the fact that my life is not what I expected?
Is it because my "biological clock" still has time?
(By the way, that's totally insensitive to assume. You don't know the details of my biology.)

"You're so young. You have plenty of time."

Friend, that doesn't make me feel any better.
If anything, it makes me question whether or not I can be open and honest with you about my sufferings as I, too, am waiting to live out my vocation. If anything, instead of helping us to grow in solidarity as fellow singletons, I feel bad about my longing for marriage and everything that comes with it because somehow, you seem to be telling me that everything I'm experiencing isn't as bad as it is for you. Because I'm younger.

Now, I must clarify that these feelings of guilt aren't always perpetrated by someone older than myself. Occasionally, someone will express "oh, I thought it was bad when I was single in college/right after college/in my mid-twenties, but now that I'm {insert older age here}, oh, it's unbearable!"
I know they're only sharing their feelings, and they should! I'm glad they feel comfortable enough to express their raw emotions!
But in my head, I think, "oh my gosh, maybe they think that my feelings are silly...maybe they are silly, I mean, I'm not even 25...but I do desperately long for marriage...but if I share that will they think I'm silly?"

Granted, these thoughts can be created just by my own judgement of what I expect others to perceive of me. Though they might have previous experience linked to them, I'm positive that many of my friends who are older than I and unmarried rarely think this about me.
(I would say "never think", but "never" is fairly presumptuous)

But friends, as much as I attempt to live life to the fullest, and I write on this here blog about "living in the now" and "experiencing today"...well, it isn't easy. As much as I do believe all of that, and I pray that even if I am still single at 30, 35, etc. I will hold onto the same hope I have today, living this out isn't simple.
I do not mean to make it sound easy.
Living as a faithful Catholic who's desperately attempting every day to not be bitter and angry about not being married yet is a challenge. Nay, it is a complete struggle.
But if I tend to err on the side of "life is beautiful! go out and experience it!", I must admit that it might be due to the fear of being one of those "younger singles" who thinks her life is so "horrible".

I cringe at the thought of a 30-40-something reading my blog and scoffing at me as I pour out my heart...all because I'm "so young".

So this one goes out to all my young Christian sisters, whether you're in high school or college, in your early 20s or late 30s...if you are unmarried and feel called to marriage, no matter your age, your struggles, your fears, everything you feel is valid. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And if you want to talk or blog about it, DO IT. We need to grow in solidarity with one another because we are not alone. If every young, single woman waited until she was of an "appropriate" age to begin sharing how much it sucks to be single when you want to be married, well, how would this be helping anyone?

And if you're reading this and thinking "oh man, I'm older than 25 and have likely said that to a younger single before", I encourage you to be better in the future. Embrace your younger single friends.
Help them to see that if life doesn't go according to their expectations, all is not lost.
Show them that life is worth embracing at every age.

Know of my prayers for each and every one of you and your vocations!

Not Alone Series: Valentine's Day

What are your thoughts about Valentine's Day? Do you enjoy it? Loathe it? Not even realize it's a special day? Do you celebrate it in any way? 

I had a hard time starting this post...mostly because I wasn't sure exactly how to translate how I feel about Valentine's Day into words. See, I don't hate Valentine's Day.

I hate that WalMart replaces the New Year's decoration sales with candy hearts and smelly perfume....but that's more of an issue with consumerism than V Day. And I really don't care for how many people seem to take Valentine's Day more seriously than the love that our Lord pours out at every. single. mass.
But again, that's a deeper issue.

No, I don't hate Valentine's Day. Growing up, I loved giving out candy and cards to my classmates. I loved dressing up for our class parties. And even now, I think it's cute when my grandma sends me a Valentine's Day card with a lottery scratch-off. Or when my friends ask me to watch their son so they can go on a pre-Valentine's Day date. Cute. So cute.

I don't mind the lovey-dovey, cuteness factor that Valentine's Day brings.

I suppose my problem with the whole day is how others view single people on February 14th.
The coined "Singles Awareness Day" drives me insane. INSANE. (really? really? every other day of the year you aren't aware that you're single? false.)

Perhaps it's because I'm now in a mental place where I'm happy with my life, but for whatever reason, it makes me crazy when others act sorry for me/other singles. My life is great! I don't need or want your pity! Please!

I was trying to remember what I've done the past few Valentine's Days because only one of them was spent in a relationship (and he said he was falling in love with me....after 2 weeks. EEK! more on that later...)
Last year I went to BWWs with a friend whose husband was in Canada for the weekend...she was pregnant and hungry, I was just hungry.
So we ate among couples and went back to her house and watched The Lorax. Low key. Great.

This year, I did what I do most Friday nights when I don't have plans: cleaned up my apartment and watched P&P on repeat.
I didn't do all of that because I was lonely or alone or sad about being alone or wishing I had a Valentine. No....I was just letting my life go on.
Because at the end of the day, no matter what you and your significant other does on Valentine's Day, what matters more are the other 364 days in the year. Life goes on.
And no amount of chocolate, flowers, or hearts are going to sustain you for the rest of the year!

So I do wish that our society viewed Valentine's Day differently...I wish that when I really wanted to go to the grocery store and get some wine and ice cream on Friday, I didn't second guess myself.
I wish when I walked into Schnucks, I didn't feel like I was being judged as the "lonely single gal" buying a huge bottle of Barefoot and 3 pints of Ben and Jerry's (hey! they were all on sale!)
I'm not lonely. I'm good. I'm content. I'm fulfilled.
And I was also alone on Valentine's Day. So? More wine and ice cream for me :)

What do you think? Link up over at Jen's today with all of the other lovely ladies!

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Last call for Savannah!

We still want YOU to come to Savannah, GA for our girls' weekend! 

{Remember it's July 18-20... still have no idea what I'm talking about? Check this out!} 

Interested, but haven't taken the survey?

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY. 

This guarantees you a spot, helps plan the money situation, etc. 

Please fill it out by 11:59EST TONIGHT! Thank you! 

 AHHH! Jen and I are so freaking excited, you really have no idea.

It's gonna be flippin' amaaaazing!

Also... have you joined the Not Alone Series Facebook Group? Please join if you'd like!

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Next week's topic:

Masculinity

Who is a great example of masculinity in your life (father, brother, uncle, priest, etc)? What is it about them that you love?

March 4th: Bachelorette parties!It's inevitable that we'll attend or plan a friend's Bachelorette party at some point or another, but how do we make them fun without all the raunch? Give us your ideas for fun things to do with a bridal party without all the crazy!

March 11th: Why not both?We've been hearing a lot that "married people and single people can't relate to one another". What is your perspective on this? In what ways can we bridge the gap between singles and marrieds?

March 18th: Single life bucket listWhat are those things that you want to do before you get married (or enter the religious life)? Is there anything that you're excited to do, accomplish, etc. before engagement, marriage, and babies come along? Even if you feel that you've done everything you wanted to do pre-marriage, dig deeper and see if there isn't anything else you'd like to do!

Not Alone Series: "if only I knew then...."

Stay tuned below for announcements and the next few topics! :)

What would you tell your former self about being single if given the chance? What have you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self?

You know that saying, "hindsight is 20/20"?

While I can't sum up my entire life with that cliche, there are definitely points in my younger single life when I wish I could go back to have a heart to heart with my high school self, or my college self. Or even my 6-months ago self.

Here are a just a few things that I would tell myself if given the chance:

Eliminate Expectations

Oh, girl. Make a genuine effort to stop. expecting. You trust that the Lord will bring you and your future husband together, yes? Then stop anticipating when it'll all come together. You'll save yourself a lot of heartache if you don't expect to be engaged/married by college graduation. It's hard, I know. But you'll be much better off if you just allow the Lord to guide you wherever He sees fit. And He has so much amazing stuff planned, things you never imagined. So eliminate your expectations and be willing to go with the flow.

Raise your Standards

You are worth so much more than you think. I know people say this all the time, but it's actually true. And believe me, it's much better to be single than to date the next guy who seems to be slightly interested. Or it's better to be single than to "hang out" with that guy you've been crushing on for years who'll never seriously commit. Please. I know you're lonely. I know it sucks being the only roommate without a boyfriend. But being with someone, just to be with someone isn't a good enough reason. And you're worth more than that.

Don't hold out for tomorrow

Today has so much to offer! 

Dive into your classes! Fully experience your internship! Spend quality time with your best friend!

Because let me tell you what, once you graduate, you'll be hard pressed to find time to read and learn and teach. And your best friend? She'll move, you'll move, and it will be much harder to stay in touch.

I know you're excited for the future and that "someday" when Mr. Right walks into your life, but please don't spend so much time wishing, waiting, hoping. 

Enjoy the now because "the now" is all that you're surely given.

What would you tell yourself if you could go back in time? Link up your post below! And we now have a Not Alone Series Facebook group! Join if you'd like to stay up to date on the NAS happenings! :)

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Savannah Trip update!

Jen and I talked for 3 HOURS this weekend so, yes! Things for this trip are rolling!

In the interest of planning specifics of our girl's weekend, if you are planning on attending the NAS Savannah Girl's Weekend, please click here and fill out this short survey by next Tuesday!

(only submit once, please!)

Anyone planning on coming to Savannah needs to take the survey in order to be accounted for!!!

Don't know what I'm talking about? Click here for more info :)

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Next week's topic:

Valentine's Day

What are your thoughts about Valentine's Day? Do you enjoy it? Loathe it? Not even realize it's a special day? Do you celebrate it in any way? 

February 25th: Masculinity

Who is a great example of masculinity in your life (father, brother, uncle, priest, etc)? What is it about them that you love?

March 4th: Bachelorette parties!

It's inevitable that we'll attend or plan a friend's Bachelorette party at some point or another, but how do we make them fun without all the raunch? Give us your ideas for fun things to do with a bridal party without all the crazy!

March 11th: Why not both?

We've been hearing a lot that "married people and single people can't relate to one another". What is your perspective on this? In what ways can we bridge the gap between singles and marrieds?

March 18th: Single life bucket list

What are those things that you want to do before you get married (or enter the religious life)? Is there anything that you're excited to do, accomplish, etc. before engagement, marriage, and babies come along? Even if you feel that you've done everything you wanted to do pre-marriage, dig deeper and see if there isn't anything else you'd like to do!

Not Alone Series: "guess who's engaged?!"

Hello dear friends! I do apologize for my absence, I'm just now fully recovered from the past week and a half! I cannot wait to tell you all about the craziness that has been January. 

(WAIT. It's almost FEBRUARY?!)

As my lovely NAS accountability partner knows, one of my additional goals for this new year is to take better care of myself. Even if that means stepping away from my blogging, I need to make my health (and sanity!) a bigger priority. I hope you understand :)

BUT enough with all of that...let's get on with this week's prompt!

Do you struggle with balancing the sting of hearing about yet another proposal with genuine excitement? What emotions come into play? What virtues do you enlist to deal with it all?

Well, we're once again immersed in engagement season, and I'll admit, more than once have I texted Jen saying: 

"WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THE SEASON OF FREAKING ENGAGEMENTS. 

I'M NOT BITTER JUST ASKING."

^^^ direct quote ^^^

Here's the thing, y'all. I am so very happy...thrilled, really...for the ladies and gents I know who are newly engaged and over the moon with excitement because this is what they've been waiting for for so long. I am. 

I know that longing, really...I know. 

So the fact that they're taking a step closer to living out their vocation is awesome. Beautiful, really.

But that doesn't make my ache go away.

At times, seeing others' happiness gives me hope that the Lord truly does have a plan for me, too.

And other times, I just want to throw a television off a bridge.

It's realllllly difficult to be happy for others when they have something that I desperately desire.

Ugh. That ugly, green-eyed monster called envy. What is one to do? How am I supposed to genuinely squeal with my best friend whose boyfriend just proposed when deep down I can feel the bubble of bitterness rising? Why is it that beneath my joy for others, there's a fire of rage?

I think some of that comes from a discontent with one's own life. If you're unhappy with your life, OF COURSE you're going to wish you had something else. This easily leads to wishing you have what others have, which very easily leads to jealousy. 

Otherwise known as coveting.

We have a tendency (speaking for myself, assuming that others are the same) to forget that the 10th commandment forbids this impurity of heart.

"You shall not covet your neighbor's goods" does not just apply to material things; we must also not covet immaterial things.

Gosh. That's kinda heavy...

um yeah, because it's Truth.

Ok, but how do we combat this? If I'm striving for purity of heart in ALL things, how am I to achieve this?

My best suggestion is prayer.

A couple of years ago, I was struggling to love one of my "neighbors". When I sought counsel from a priest, he gave me the best advice I could have ever received. 

He told me to pray for them.

I was really annoyed. 

"Uhh...Father, I really don't want to pray for them..."

His response?

"That's why you must."

The beauty of prayer and the work of the Holy Spirit is that when you're intentionally praying for someone, especially someone you're struggling to love, gradually your heart is softened. Over time, my begrudging prayer became sincere. My hardened heart became putty in my Maker's hands. I began to genuinely desire that the Lord's will be done in my neighbor's life, not just what I hoped would happen.

So this is what I'm striving for as more&more&more of my friends/acquaintances/relatives/etc become engaged and get married. Please know of my prayers for each and every one of you and I ask that you keep me in yours as well.

What are your thoughts? Link up below!

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Next week's topic:

Chastity: A Choice

Living chastely (not just abstinence) is a choice. Have you ever had to defend your choice to live out chastity? If not, why do you choose chastity?

February 11th: If only I knew then what I know now...
What would you tell your former self about being single if given the chance? What have you learned that you wish you could tell your younger self?

Guest Post at Worthy of Agape

Woahhhhh 3 posts in 3 days?!

It's a week-before-Thanksgiving miracle.

Just wanted to point y'all toward my guest post over at Worthy of Agape today.
You know Amanda, right?
If not, get acquainted.

Not only does she write insanely honest and helpful posts, but Amanda's also an author, and has this running series called "just don't say it", which I'm participating in today.

So head on over and check out my guest post, "just don't say it: among single friends"

Not Alone Series: Surviving the Holidays and an ANNOUNCEMENT!

Before we get into the post....Jen and I have an announcement!

Did you watch the video?!



Don't keep reading until you've watched it!!!



Ok, did you watch it?






AHHHHH are you excited as I am?!?!

I CANNOT wait to spend a weekend with anyone and everyone who can make it! Jen and I have been crawling out of our skins waiting to tell y'all and now that its out....YAHOOO!!!

This trip has been a long time coming, we've been talking about the possibility of a get together like this for a couple of months and wanted to be able to tell you far enough in advance in order to make travel plans, ask off of work, etc.

Savannah, GA - July 18-20, 2014
Be there.
More details will be given to those who email BOTH me and Jen!
I hope you're able to make it!!!

Alrighty, back to the last NAS post of 2013! Can you believe that we've all be writing and getting to know one another for nearly SIX months?! Insane. What a blessing.

I'm looking forward to reading everyone's posts about this weeks topic...I think it's a fun one! Here's the prompt as a reminder:

The holidays are coming up! Family parties, friend gatherings... and you're single. How do you "cope"? 

Any tips or tricks?

I LOVE the holidays. Mostly because my big, crazy family loves being together, which makes family gatherings all the more fun. Plus, there are more than a few nuts in the ol' family tree. We like to have a good time.

My extended family is unusually close. And while that's something that I love, it can also lead to everyone getting in each other's business and all that. Annoying.

Are you dating anyone?! Well why the heck not?! When I was your age, I had a different date every weekend!

And when are you planning on getting married? You know, you're the next kid in line for that, Morgan!

Ok, maybe cousin Bob is next, and you're after him, but he's got plenty of time! You need to get on that!

But Morgan, don't you want to have kids while you're young? Make sure you don't wait too long to find a man!

Hey, maybe you could date our neighbor's sister's son! He's single!

Ohhhh, but the only blind date that would work for you is someone who's actually blind! BAHAHAHA

...these are all nearly verbatim (the blind date joke is a direct quote).

So how the heck is one supposed to survive such events?

Wine. Lots and lots of wine.

Juuuuuust kidding.

First, I mentally prepare myself for this onslaught of questions and suggestions and wonderings.

When I've gone in, expecting everyone to be interested in the fact that I'm loving my job, or I've moved into my very own apartment, or that I'm able to have higher-level conversations about philosophy or religion.....those are the events when I'm completely unprepared for the relationship inquiries. 

And those are the events when I leave exhausted because I wasn't expecting them.

Second, I aim to respond in the most patient and charitable way possible.

Truth is, I'm 98% comfortable with the fact that I'm single. But if I allow myself to get flustered, I come across as defensive and occasionally rude.

I try to remember that most of my aunts and uncles got married when they were my age. They're only asking questions because they love me and are interested in the next big parts of my life.

Could they afford to be a bit less intrusive?

YES.

But I can still calmly respond and show them that "wow, maybe being single in your early-to-mid 20s isn't a catastrophic event..."

Maybe they need to experience someone who isn't fearful of the future and is hopeful for what may come.

Third, I know how to have a sense of humor.

It's very easy to get "prickly" when people bring up sensitive subjects. And let's be honest, what's more sensitive than the fact that you're single when you long to not be single?

However, more often than not, the teasing about "ending up as an old maid" or being a "cat lady" is meant to be all in good fun. Are those kinds of jokes insensitive? 

Um, yeah.

But I would bet that your Uncle Earl doesn't tease you out of malice. He thinks you can handle it.

And you can. Just make sure your wine glass is always full.

I kid, I kid. kinda

The holidays are fun! And we get to celebrate our Lord's birth with the people we love most! Dreading the holidays for fear of what people might ask or say, well that's just silly.

How do you "survive" the holidays when you're single? Write up a post and link up over at Jen's!

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This is the last topic for 2013! 

We will resume the Not Alone Series on January 14, 2013.

If you are interested in joining us in Savannah, GA for our girls weekend, please email me at mvmcfar(at)gmail.com and email Jen at jennifercox.rn(at)gmail.com!

Not Alone Series: Favorite Single-People Sites and Posts!

Share other single-person blogs or websites that you love! 

(or include posts/articles that you've enjoyed that pertain to the single life!)

Well, I'll be honest, y'all....if I were to link to my favorite single-people blogs, I'd just be linking back to you! Most of my favorite single-bloggers participate in this series, so I'm focusing mainly on some of my most recent favorite directed-at-singles articles/posts!

First, if you haven't discovered Arleen Spenceley, YOU MUST. She is so funny and truthful. AND she's writing a book. I can't wait for it to come out! But she has a couple of recurring series on her blog, one of them being "3 Lessons and 2 Tips" where she asks married folks to talk about 3 lessons they've learned from marriage and 2 tips they'd give to single people. My favorite one of this series was from Audrey Assad. Specifically this line:

"If you're called to marriage, you'll be a better and more whole spouse if you till the ground of your heart during your single years."

Converge Magazine has also had a number of winners lately. Most recently, Single and not waiting ....and the other one that was floating around for awhile is 26, unmarried, and childless. The authors of each of these posts so eloquently describe how I feel about my life. So wonderful.

And I'm hoping and praying that you know about Verily Magazine. If you don't, refrain from telling me lest I hit you over the head with my electronic copy of an old issue (aka my Chromebook). The Verily blog covers every topic from style to culture, and MY favorite, relationships. Not everything is related to singledom, but there are many of wholesome posts lying around there. You might have to do some digging, but for starters, I loved Living with Baby Fever and Gentlemen Speak: I Want Commitment.

Link up your post on your favorite single bloggers and/or articles below!

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Next week's topic:

Vulnerability with friends

Do you find that your non-single friends struggle with relating to you or vice versa? If so, in what ways? How do you handle it? What is something that you would like them to know or understand that they just don't seem to get?

November 19: Surviving events/parties as a singleton

The holidays are coming up! Family parties, friend gatherings... and you're single. How do you "cope"? Any tips or tricks?

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BREAK!

Ladies, we have decided to take a break from the Not Alone Series until January 14, 2014. I know it seems like a long time, but we are coming up on a busy season of travel and family time. We don't want to take away your time from what's most important. Feel free to continue to blog about your single life experiences, but we just won't be having anything formal until January.