Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Not Alone Series: Can/Should a Woman Pursue a Man?

This is a topic that my friends (girls and guys alike) and I have argued about discussed numerous times and I know that everyone has a slightly different opinion, so I'm excited to read what others think!!!

Alright. In thinking about this topic, I'll admit that I find myself having conflicting opinions. It's a dilemma.
And so in order to better organize my thoughts and therefore to make for easier reading, I'm going to break it down a bit this week.

Men are Hunters

Ok, cheesy, but it's true. Men were created to be protectors and hunters and pursuers.
They have an innate desire to be the ones to step up to a challenge and conquer.
I'm not suggesting that we should view women as something to conquer, no. But in understanding that men were created this way, we can understand that perhaps this is how it is meant to be. Perhaps men are to be the ones who "chase".

I had someone tell me once that if a woman pursues a man, gone is the "challenge"
...if the guy doesn't like the girl, he might accept her pursuit and start something up because it was the easiest option at the moment...but he likely won't appreciate/value what they have because he didn't have to fight for it.
On the other hand, if the guy does like the girl who's pursuing him, he might feel like she's taking his job, or revoking part of his manly duty.

I'm not sure that I completely agree with this, however, I have seen relationships that start up (and are really unhealthy) simply because the girl threw herself at the guy and he just wanted to be with someone. Not good.

So Women Are to Sit and Wait?!

Ugh. I don't know.
This is where I begin to disagree with myself.

Because let's be honest, it doesn't make sense that a woman should be able to just sit and wait and have Prince Charming come and sweep her away. (believe me, I've tried that)

This goes back to the NAS Challenge from a few weeks ago....if we aren't putting anything out there to take a step toward our vocation, then how do we expect to receive anything?

I had this realization a couple months after I graduated from college....how the heck do we expect guys to want to pursue us if we don't give them ANY inclination that we're interested? I feel like sometimes we Christian women take the whole "let a man pursue you" to the extreme. Allowing men to pursue to doesn't mean sit in a coffeeshop with a scowl on your face and avoiding eye contact and then be upset because the cute guy you noticed didn't approach you.

I just immediately thought of Nikki's NAS challenge and remember how proud I was of her for deciding to try to smile more often...and the results she had were amazing!!!

I mean, ladies, let's put ourselves in the guys' shoes.
If you see a cute girl you recognize from class or the gym or church, but she never makes eye contact, never a smile in your direction, no inclination that she just might be interested in talking to you....what would you do?
I can tell you right now that there's no way in heck I would try to strike up a conversation! I would be more likely to approach the girl who noticed me, made eye contact, and smiled. That's it. For many confident guys, that's all it would take.

Can vs Should

"Can women pursue men?" is very different from "Should women pursue men?"

So yes, women physically can pursue men, but should we? I'm not so sure.
I think there's a delicate line to walk between being open and approachable and being the desperate throwing-herself-at-you girl.

As far as the particulars go, I'm no expert, but I make an effort to not be the one to always text or call or whatever. Any guy I'm interested in is going to have to put some work in too. I'm not going to ask him on a date or approach him for his number.
But I will invite him to come with a group of friends to a party or dinner and I might even *gasp* walk up and introduce myself if I've never met him before (depending on the setting of course...)

I'm not a proponent of the motto of "today's women" that screams "who says girls can't ask a guy out? there's no rules!" Because like everything in life, there is an order and all of that was put in place by the one who knows what he's doing.

So what do you think? Can/should women pursue men? Does it matter? Hop on over to Jen's to see what others are saying and to link-up your post!


Next week's topic:
Fave Mom Blogs
We can't always relate to them, but we can learn a TON! Plus, we want them to know how much we love them, too!

September 24: NFP, baby! ;)
So, who's begun charting?! How is it going? What advice do you have/what method do you use? If you haven't, is something holding you back? Are you considering starting up?

October 1: Careers as a Vocation?
How do we know what God's call is for us if we are focused on our careers? Is it appropriate to focus on that career and then get married/enter religious life later? Or maybe the call/vocation IS the career and you could be single?

October 8: Fav Recipes... for one!Link-up your favorite one-person meal recipes! It's hard to cook for one sometimes and we could all use some help!

October 15: Chastity as a Single PersonPhysical or Emotional. What are your struggles? How do you overcome them?

October 22: PatienceDo you find yourself becoming really impatient, or struggling with your life to "really" begin? If so, how do you combat it? Do you do anything? How can we support one another in this area?

Jen and I are so still SO thrilled that the Not Alone Series is still going so well. :) Have you been enjoying it? Do you think anything needs to change? Frequency of posts still good? Is letting you know the topics ahead of time helpful? We just like to check-in every so often to make sure this is actually fruitful for you. We are always open to other ideas/changes/suggestions.

And as always, in order to keep these posts going, we need your suggestions! Jen and I only have so many ideas!! ...well, maybe that's not true...but this isn't just about what WE want to talk about, it's about ALL of us! Email me, email Jen, tweet me or Jen, smoke signal...whatever works!


  1. Though I don't agree with you, I really liked this post, especially "Allowing men to pursue to doesn't mean sit in a coffeeshop with a scowl on your face and avoiding eye contact and then be upset because the cute guy you noticed didn't approach you."
    There are quite some girls who are very shy or a commitment phobic and just talk themselves out of it by saying the men should pursue. But hiding yourself or being completely passive is not the same as letting men pursue you!

    1. I love that we all have such different opinions, but can still relate on some level :)

  2. Ooh, I am with you to some extent. Of course, there's always the issue of being pretty, open, and approachable in a coffee shop or on public transit or in a book store (this image is hilarious by the way: http://brittleighbooks.com/2013/08/23/yes-please/) and no one comes up to you! So in some respects I have no qualm with women approaching a man reading her favorite author or recognizing the beat he's tapping his foot too while listening to music. But after that, I do feel more and more it's the man's burden to start driving the potential relationship, so long as the girl is mutually navigating...ooh...analogy in the works...I may be editing my post! Hang tight! :P

    1. Haha I love that pic! Perfect.

      Yeah, there's definitely an annoyance that comes a long with "doing everything right" aaaaand nothing happening. I'm not a huge fan of the rules that surround dating, but I think there are some basic guidelines that are fundamental...after all, if you're always the one going after him, doesn't that set a precedent for the possible relationship? I don't want to be the leader of my relationship. I want to be an active participant, but in the end I want my man to take the lead.

    2. BAHAHAHA... that image is awesome. Please, let's make that happen.

  3. I am with you my friend!! And, you did a great job of explaining your thoughts, what are you talking about!?

    LIke i was trying to say... I feel like we need to be OPEN to being pursued. The outward expression of that IS to smile and say hi and do a little flirting, right?! I mean, how is the guy supposed to know!? Once we let him know... it's up to him to get the ball rolling!

  4. Then it’s time to pull out all the stops.

    Because 99% of the time, there is only 1 thing you can say to a standoffish guy that will grab him by the heartstrings-

    And get his blood pumping at just the thought of you.

    Insert subject line here and link it to: <=========> Your ex won’t be able to resist?

    Once you say this to him, or even send this simple phrase in a text message...

    It will flip his world upside down and you will suddenly find him chasing you-

    And even begging to be with you.

    Here’s what I’m talking about: <=========> Is your man hiding something? He may need your help?

    Thanks again.



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