just dance

I think my friends and I are magnets for awkward situations. It seems surreal, but seriously, awkward/funny/weird things ALWAYS happen to us!

We had a Halloween party last night, which was meant to be a pretty big party, but we only invited people that we knew and didn't really expect too many people to bring/invite random people. We mainly did this because if there was an issue with people being too rowdy or loud or something, we would have a lot easier time settling down/kicking out someone we're friends with compared to some random dude no one knows.

While there were no issues of that nature [thank God], within the first 15 mins of the party, barely anyone was there, and all of the sudden some random guy walks in. He starts introducing himself to everyone and one of our friends mentioned that he looked familiar from the Newman center or something, but it was so awkward. He walked around our apartment looking at our art and stuff asking questions, or randomly following one of us into our bedrooms...after about 30 mins, he left but oh my gosh. It was awkward.

The rest of the party went really well, there weren't really any major issues or any more awkward situations, but that one sticks out. Also, I realized that as nice it was to not have to go anywhere and then walk home at like 2:30am, I really didn't enjoy hosting a big party. We rearranged the whole apartment and cleaned and decorated, and by the time all that was over, the party hadn't even begun and all I wanted was a nap! And then the whole night I was watching everyone worrying that they were having a good time..I guess it's mainly my own fault, that I need to just chill and have a good time, but my roommate was worried that the cops were going to get called for noise, so there was that concern in the back of my head. I don't know...it's not that I'll never have another big party, we have three 21st birthdays coming up in the next few months, so there'll likely be parties for those, but it wasn't as fun as I expected. :/ Oh well.

Tonight we're just going to a friends to hangout and party in a smaller group, so that will probably be more fun because I can just relax and have a good time. Nice.

facebook

Facebook is meant to help everyone stay connected and updated, etc...but for me, it just causes an unnecessary stress. I'm on a Facebook fast until further notice...and without prior notice. I just decided this last night before I fell asleep...went on this morning before work, and then when I got home, had my roommate change my password and the email address associated with my account. This way I can neither change my mind and log on nor send a "recover my password" email to my email account. woot.

Facebook is good for many things, but it is also a trap. It sucks you in and you can't get out. And it causes you to be a super creepy stalker. Not good.

So, adios Facebook, see you never? Not really, but we won't be friends for a very long time.

fruits are worth the labor

Today was slightly frustrating, to say the least. My friends and I are part of a group at Newman that puts on confirmation retreats for 8th graders/kids who are about to make their confirmation. I've only done one before, but in high school I always liked working with kids and teaching them about our faith. Their usually very attentive and respectful [they tend to think we're really cool] and we have a great time. So, naturally, we were expecting the same with today's group.

So, we started with mass at Newman and then trekked over to the parish center for the retreat. Boy were we in for a surprise. From the second we walked into the community room, I knew that this was going to be a rough day. It's hard when you have a group of kids that is really quiet and doesn't like to contribute to discussion, etc. but it's even worse when you have a rowdy group that is really rude and disrespectful of us leaders. We had a SUPER rowdy group today. Oiy.

Basically, the whole day was really hard to get through...not only because we had all gotten up really early to be to Newman by 8:15A, but mostly because it is so exhausting asking a group of 80 thirteen year olds to be quiet over and over again. It got to the point where I didn't know what else to do. I just started feeling really defeated.

But at lunch time, I talked with the adult coordinator for the 8th grade confirmation formation and she said that there was a group of 3 girls who specifically come up to her and said how inspirational the day was. That was so great to hear because after such trouble with the majority of the group, the thought that at least a couple people had gotten something, ANYTHING, out of the 5hrs we spent together is worth it.

At the end of the day we split up into 2 groups, boys and girls, and had some time to just talk about whatever. If anyone had questions, they were welcome to ask and we would answer. Although most of the time was spend discussing Heaven, Hell and Purgatory, I feel like they got a lot out of talking to us. Some of the other girls were discouraged because we hadn't discussed anything pertinent to their everyday lives, like high school, boys, etc. But in my eyes, they really understood what we were talking about and were engaged in the conversation. Most of the time, all it takes is for a couple topics to hook people, and then everything else starts to fall into place.

As much as this day was a test of our strength of mind, body and spirit, it was worth it. All is needed is for a seed to be planted, you may never see the fruits of your labor, but you can feel good knowing that the seed is there to eventually grow and bloom.

learning how to learn

I had another realization today as I was leaving my Morality class [that's not the actual name for it, it's called Rights and Wrongs, but all we ever talk about is morality, thus why I call it that...]. But anyways...I was walking towards my Cognition class and trying to fight the temptation to skip my last 2 classes in order to take a nap before work. But don't worry, I was a good student and went to class. The reason, however, why I made the conscious decision to not skip anymore classes this semester [or ever] was because it just hit me that everyone keeps telling me that these college that I am living through right now [eek!!!] will be some of the best years of your life. Most of the time though, I feel like we're all just trudging through these years trying to "get through" school and get on with our "lives". WHAT THE HECK?! I should be so fired up to go to class and LEARN! Granted, I have about 4 more years of school left before I'm in the real "real world", but still! After you graduate, except for maybe occasional work-mandated lessons, this is our last chance to soak up as much knowledge as possible!

I'll be honest, this semester I somewhat hate 2 of my classes. I'm in the lastof my gen ed courses, The Culture of War and Rights and Wrongs. Not that these aren't "intriguing" classes, but I am so eager to just learn about things that pertain to my goal in life [marriage and family counseling], that I find it very hard to pay attention in these classes! But even so, they still contain information that I should be paying attention to!

So, long story [it's not really that long, but it was an extensive discussion in my head that I won't subject you to] short, for the rest of the day, I was intent on maintaining my focus, and was fairly successful! I find that anything can be interesting if you're only open to listening.

*****DISCLAIMER*****

 I don't skip a lot of classes. This entire semester, I may have skipped each class [except for my Personality class, I NEVER skip that one] once. But, I really try not to do this because on MWF, my first 2 classes are the gen eds, and while they are definitely the ones I would like to skip, both teachers take attendance. And then my last 2 classes are Cognition and Human Sexuality, I don't want to skip either because they're major classes and
a) Cognition doesn't post notes online, so I'm SOL if I miss class
and
 b) Human Sexuality is so super interesting I never want to miss one of those lectures![the only one I ever missed was the day we were talking about abortion, lets just say I'm not too sad I missed that lecture]

detox

This weekend was full of a lot of healing, love and epiphanies.

The Newman center has a semesterly retreat called Koinonia, and this past weekend was when the fall semester one was held. There have been a lot of changes made to it in the past year and a half and all of the changes, big and small, have been stressful for us older students to become accustomed to. However, instead of being open and willing to see where the Lord is taking us, most of us have resisted change as much as possible and I feel we've been a really bad example for the younger students. After all, this is all they've ever known and they love it, so what right do we have to ruin their peace?

Anyways, I wasn't a leader on NK41, but all my roommates were and most of my friends as well, so the stress that they felt was somewhat transferred to me. I was freaking out about the weekend for numerous reasons, but mostly because I was worried that there would be too many hours of Adoration and that it would be overwhelming for the protestants attending the retreat. Shows how much I know.

We had adoration with many of the community members and it was amazing to watch the retreatants' hearts transform before my eyes and all I could think was how stupid I am to not trust wholly in the Lord and in His plans for us.

On a similar tangent, one of my roommates and I listened to a FOCUS (Fellowship Of Catholic University Students) talk all about women and how we tend to try to fill the space in our heart meant for our future husband with random guys who we "fall in love with" everyday without being concerned with guarding our hearts. Oh man. I felt like that entire talk was directed towards me. I frequently refer to myself as a crazy person, [which I'm trying to stop] but I realized that it isn't that I'm crazy, it is that I have this immense capacity to love, and that's how I was made!

I long to know my future husband; to love him, to cherish him, to take care of him! But, until I meet him, I need to fill this void in my heart with the Lord, rather than in "emotional mental relationships" [you and the object of your affection are in an emotional relationship in your head, but he doesn't know it because it in fact does not exist].

So, now, how to change my ways? Ugh. Old habits die hard. I now fully understand and appreciate what that saying means. Well, there are a couple of steps:

1. Revert back to my old way of seeing men. I used to try to view all men as brothers in Christ. Not as a prospective relationship, etc. Just a brother in Christ. Period.

2. Fill the void in my heart with the Lord through prayer and sacraments. He already occupies the majority of my heart, but until He reveals to me who I am to spend the rest of my life with, He needs to be my everything. All my love, all my hope, and all my joy.

3. Become okay with being single. I mean, it isn't that I am unhappy being single, but it is very hard sometimes to not wish you had "someone" when your roommates are either in a long-term relationship, or are in the process of figuring things out with someone. I need to become content with how my life is right now.

4. TRUST that the Lord has everything under control. I knew I struggled with this before my epiphany, but now, more than ever do I actually need to implement this into my life!

5. Love. Just love. Life, friends, school, family, EVERYTHING.

So we'll see how this goes...don't worry, all you people who don't read my blog will be informed on a regular basis about how I am doing. :]

the problem with "forgive and forget"

I had a whole thing written out that I wanted to post about an awkward and somewhat unnerving event that happened to me tonight, but I'm going to refrain for now.

But I do have one thing to talk about tonight. We've all heard that saying "forgive and forget". Yes, we are all called to forgive, forgive and forgive. And then after you forgive, forgive once again.

But forget? I'm not so sure. For me, I always forgive. It may take me a long time...years, even, but eventually I forgive. Forget is what I struggle with, but I don't think that's a bad thing. I think a better phrase is "forgive and proceed with caution".

Forgetting implies that you entirely wipe out any memory of someone doing you wrong. Forgetting implies that regardless of what a person has done, you should treat them with the regard that that event never happened. No. Don't forget. Remember what has happened in the past, but don't dwell on it. Don't hold that wrongdoing over the person's head. Don't distrust them, but be wary/cautious until you feel you can trust that person once again.

The Lord calls us to be loving to our neighbors. But He doesn't call us to be stupid. A dog will go back to his owner again and again after being chastised. But we were made higher than animals for a reason. After being wronged, we are called to forgive, not to throw ourselves back into the same situation as we were in before.

Perhaps this does call for a tiny bit of forgetting, but remembering what we did last time that got us into this situation and change that. I'm not saying that we shouldn't trust people, but that we need to remember that not everyone is pure-hearted and until you know the intentions of someones heart, you need to be cautious.

Now I just need to read the above over and over until I learn to practice what I preach :]