Not Alone Series: Selfish Singles

Hello ladies! I hope you're all having a blessed Holy Week!

I'm especially excited about this week's topic as it is something I've struggled with for a while now!

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

Here's the thing, I've grown to LOVE my independence. The ability to do whatever I want, whenever I want is so liberating. And so when at the beginning of this year I resolved to make the most of my free time, I took full advantage.

My weekends were spent sleeping in, reading, watching movies, and doing....nothing. It was glorious.
But after a couple of weekends spent in this way, I began to feel empty. Like I could be doing something more than just serving myself.

So I began helping as a CCD aide on the Sunday mornings that I'm in town. And what's funny, friends, is that the more you give, the more you desire to give. I've found that as I give a little bit here and there, my desire to continue to serve and give of myself grows. As much as I love sleeping in on Sundays, it occurred to me this weekend that I want to give more! So I'm now discerning which grade level the Lord wants me to teach next year as the primary CCD instructor.

Look, these years of our lives are a blessing in that we do have a lot of freedom, flexibility, and free-time. But in sacrificing, I've found more fulfillment than I ever did doing nothing with my weekends.

I was telling a friend this weekend about my tank concept and how important giving back is to my "self-esteem tank". Upon hearing this, he exclaimed: "But Morgan! Your whole life is giving back!"
That might be true...my full-time job is one of ministry and involves much sacrifice and service.
HOWEVER. That cannot be an excuse for my lack of giving back in other ways.
Believe me, there's that little voice in my head every Sunday morning saying: "Oh, you don't really need to go help with CCD...you worked so hard already this week! Don't you deserve a break?" ....and I can't let that voice win. We are all called to serve, no matter our occupation or calling.

How about you? In what areas of your life can you shift from self-service to one of serving others?

Maybe you have friends who could use a babysitter a couple times a month so they can go out by themselves. Or maybe there's a soup kitchen you can help out with on Saturday mornings. Or what about your parish's Religious Education? There is always a need for teachers! Most parish's have the opportunity to usher or help in the nursery during mass. Can you find time to give back in some way?

I watched the following video on my retreat last weekend and AH. I encourage you to watch it, I was truly inspired to do whatever little things I can to make the world a better place.



And friends, frustration will happen.
This Sunday, I had CCD, a work meeting with my students, and I was booked to babysit for friends. AND I desperately wanted to be able to make it to brunch with friends. It was annoying to have to try to juggle everything and not resent my "giving" commitments. But our Lord is always faithful and helps to make it all work! In these times, I take a deep breath and ask that the Holy Spirit help me to be present in whatever I am doing. It helps!

Link up below with your post on how you combat being selfish with your time as a single person!

And check out our Facebook group!

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Next week's topic:

Marriage

Most of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)

Not Alone Series: Goals and Lent

Remember our first post this year? How are the goals you set going? Regardless of how your goals are going, how are you utilizing this Lent to continue to strive for those goals?

Way way back in January, I wrote about my focus on humility this year. While I didn't set any specific goals, I definitely need to grow in this area. Natalie noted that in asking for humility, I'm asking for opportunities to be humbled. And surprise! she was right :) Well, it's a good thing I like a challenge!

The past couple of months have helped me to better analyze what parts of my life need pruning and shaping and some TLC. 

I struggle with humility, yeah? But what does that mean? How can I just "work on humility"?

It seems rather vague, don't you think?

But just last week I came to a realization that I'm excited to share with all of you.

I went into work on Wednesday feeling great. I was refreshed, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I am NOT a morning person (be forewarned, Savannah NAS Trip ladies :) but for some reason, I was ready to take on the day! 

Preach.

Upon reflection, I chalked it up to the girls night out that I had on Tuesday evening with some really wonderful people. And I kept thinking "My social 'tank' is full! I need to be sure to keep that 'tank' full if I want to keep feeling this way!" But the truth is, I have more than one tank that needs to be filled....and because I like lists and tangible goals of how to complete something, And I'm a slight perfectionist....so if I can look at a list of things and say "oh, well I succeeded in most of my goals this week", that is so much better for me than not being able to tangibly assess my "success". So here are my "tanks" and how I'm keeping them full!

Faith Tank 

(ex: daily mass at least 3x/week, confession 2x/mo, etc.)

Social Tank 

(ex: at least 1 social event/week, at least 1 catch-up phone call/week, etc.)

Health Tank 

(ex: work out at least 3x/week, eat at least 3 complete, well-rounded dinners/week, etc.)

Self-Esteem Tank 

(ex: "give back" 1x/week, take time each morning to put myself together for the day, etc.)

Rest Tank 

(ex: get 7 hrs of sleep/night, take one weekend-day morning to relax, etc.)

Mental Tank 

(ex: do something creative 1x/week, read before bed each night, etc.)

Productivity Tank 

(ex: tidy up home every evening, only take 1 break before lunch and 1 after lunch, etc.)

Financial Tank 

(ex: check online account 1x/week, tithe every week, etc.)

Truthfully, the above "tanks" are simply needs that I have. My dominating temperament is Sanguine, so having social interaction in groups of all sizes (though I LOVE big groups!) is really important to me. And I struggle with Phlegmatic vices...procrastination and laziness are huge obstacles for me...which is why having lists and specific goals works for me. And this has become somewhat of a game these past few days, trying to see how many of my goals I can accomplish! To fulfill my Mental goals, I'm teaching myself how to play the guitar! For my Faith goals, I needed a push to go on a silent retreat this upcoming weekend - BAM! Let's do it!

I share this all with you because well, I know that YOU have tanks that need to be filled! Maybe your social tank doesn't need to be filled as often due to different circumstances (I work in my own office and with college students all day...I NEED adult interaction!), or perhaps your faith tank has different needs. But if you're anything like me, only a couple of these tanks are being well-maintained. Personally, I am good about keeping my Social, Mental, and Financial Tanks full....but the others? Not so much. 

But that's ok! What better time to make a change than during Lent? What a beautiful and generous gift from our Church! Who else has a whole liturgical season devoted to penitence and improvement?! I'm so grateful for this time to really focus on becoming the best version of myself for our Lord.

I think this relates to my goal for the year because it takes humility to be able to look at your life and evaluate areas where you need to improve...and while it wasn't easy coming up with specific goals for myself, posting some of them on here has a sense of accountability :) I posted this on the internet! Now I have to follow-through!

What about you? Are some of your "tanks" neglected? I challenge you to take an honest look at what needs you have and take the step toward change!

And how are your goals going from the beginning of the year? Have you had to make adjustments? Tell us about how Lent is helping (or not helping?) you to strive closer to your most authentic self! Link up below!

Next week's topic:

Do's and Don'ts of First Dates

What are those things that we should be doing, and the things that we shouldn't be doing? They can be from the physical parts (clothes to wear, places to go, things to say) or emotional parts (talking about it all the time, planning the future, etc). We can all learn something in hindsight, so what are your tips to share?

April 15th: Selfish Singles

How do you combat being selfish with your time? As a single person, it's easy to get caught up in our own little independent world. There are those moments when we are needed for extra church things, hanging with our friend's kids, getting caught up with something on the one night you could stay in, etc. where we get frustrated that the needs of others are taking away from our own time. How do you avoid this selfish tendency and what do you do to avoid becoming frustrated with "sharing" you time with others?

April 22nd: Marriage

Most of us here feel called to the vocation of marriage...but what is it exactly that you're attracted to? What have you seen in others' marriages that you've learned from or would do differently? (maybe this is from married friends or your parents!)