Guest Post at Worthy of Agape

Woahhhhh 3 posts in 3 days?!

It's a week-before-Thanksgiving miracle.

Just wanted to point y'all toward my guest post over at Worthy of Agape today.
You know Amanda, right?
If not, get acquainted.

Not only does she write insanely honest and helpful posts, but Amanda's also an author, and has this running series called "just don't say it", which I'm participating in today.

So head on over and check out my guest post, "just don't say it: among single friends"

Not Alone Series: Surviving the Holidays and an ANNOUNCEMENT!

Before we get into the post....Jen and I have an announcement!

Did you watch the video?!



Don't keep reading until you've watched it!!!



Ok, did you watch it?






AHHHHH are you excited as I am?!?!

I CANNOT wait to spend a weekend with anyone and everyone who can make it! Jen and I have been crawling out of our skins waiting to tell y'all and now that its out....YAHOOO!!!

This trip has been a long time coming, we've been talking about the possibility of a get together like this for a couple of months and wanted to be able to tell you far enough in advance in order to make travel plans, ask off of work, etc.

Savannah, GA - July 18-20, 2014
Be there.
More details will be given to those who email BOTH me and Jen!
I hope you're able to make it!!!

Alrighty, back to the last NAS post of 2013! Can you believe that we've all be writing and getting to know one another for nearly SIX months?! Insane. What a blessing.

I'm looking forward to reading everyone's posts about this weeks topic...I think it's a fun one! Here's the prompt as a reminder:

The holidays are coming up! Family parties, friend gatherings... and you're single. How do you "cope"? 

Any tips or tricks?

I LOVE the holidays. Mostly because my big, crazy family loves being together, which makes family gatherings all the more fun. Plus, there are more than a few nuts in the ol' family tree. We like to have a good time.

My extended family is unusually close. And while that's something that I love, it can also lead to everyone getting in each other's business and all that. Annoying.

Are you dating anyone?! Well why the heck not?! When I was your age, I had a different date every weekend!

And when are you planning on getting married? You know, you're the next kid in line for that, Morgan!

Ok, maybe cousin Bob is next, and you're after him, but he's got plenty of time! You need to get on that!

But Morgan, don't you want to have kids while you're young? Make sure you don't wait too long to find a man!

Hey, maybe you could date our neighbor's sister's son! He's single!

Ohhhh, but the only blind date that would work for you is someone who's actually blind! BAHAHAHA

...these are all nearly verbatim (the blind date joke is a direct quote).

So how the heck is one supposed to survive such events?

Wine. Lots and lots of wine.

Juuuuuust kidding.

First, I mentally prepare myself for this onslaught of questions and suggestions and wonderings.

When I've gone in, expecting everyone to be interested in the fact that I'm loving my job, or I've moved into my very own apartment, or that I'm able to have higher-level conversations about philosophy or religion.....those are the events when I'm completely unprepared for the relationship inquiries. 

And those are the events when I leave exhausted because I wasn't expecting them.

Second, I aim to respond in the most patient and charitable way possible.

Truth is, I'm 98% comfortable with the fact that I'm single. But if I allow myself to get flustered, I come across as defensive and occasionally rude.

I try to remember that most of my aunts and uncles got married when they were my age. They're only asking questions because they love me and are interested in the next big parts of my life.

Could they afford to be a bit less intrusive?

YES.

But I can still calmly respond and show them that "wow, maybe being single in your early-to-mid 20s isn't a catastrophic event..."

Maybe they need to experience someone who isn't fearful of the future and is hopeful for what may come.

Third, I know how to have a sense of humor.

It's very easy to get "prickly" when people bring up sensitive subjects. And let's be honest, what's more sensitive than the fact that you're single when you long to not be single?

However, more often than not, the teasing about "ending up as an old maid" or being a "cat lady" is meant to be all in good fun. Are those kinds of jokes insensitive? 

Um, yeah.

But I would bet that your Uncle Earl doesn't tease you out of malice. He thinks you can handle it.

And you can. Just make sure your wine glass is always full.

I kid, I kid. kinda

The holidays are fun! And we get to celebrate our Lord's birth with the people we love most! Dreading the holidays for fear of what people might ask or say, well that's just silly.

How do you "survive" the holidays when you're single? Write up a post and link up over at Jen's!

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This is the last topic for 2013! 

We will resume the Not Alone Series on January 14, 2013.

If you are interested in joining us in Savannah, GA for our girls weekend, please email me at mvmcfar(at)gmail.com and email Jen at jennifercox.rn(at)gmail.com!

the future me

I have this image of the person I want to be.
The person I want to become.

She's active and healthy.
She's authentically confident.
She's capable of being vulnerable and honest.
She's a hard worker and driven and motivated.
She's disciplined.
She takes care of herself: physically, socially, and spiritually.

This is an image, an aspiration, that I've had for awhile.

But then it clicked - how am I going to become that person if I'm not taking steps toward that lifestyle now?

If I desire to be holy, why am I not taking small steps toward that goal?
If I desire to be healthy and active, why am I not taking the necessary steps to get there?
If I desire heaven, why am I not trying to become the person I was made to be?

I'm starting today.

Who are you aspiring to be and what's holding you back?

Live like the person you want to be.

Not Alone Series: Vulnerability with Friends

Hello! We're back at my place again this week...Jen has been spending time with her cuter-than-cute nieces, so I'm giving her a break to get settled back into real life :) This week's topic:

Do you find that your non-single friends struggle with relating to you or vice versa? If so, in what ways? How do you handle it? What is something that you would like them to know or understand that they just don't seem to get?

Most of my friends are in serious relationships, engaged, or married. And I love it. (usually) 

I love seeing my girlfriends in fulfilling relationships and I love watching my guy friends navigate the estrogen ocean ;)

Some of them are nearing engagement (exciting!), others are planning weddings (super exciting!!), and a few are married and have little ones whom I love dearly. Learning through my friends and their experiences with love in all different stages of romantic relationships is an invaluable experience.

BUT.

There are many times when they just can't relate to my life and struggles as a single woman.

It's not that they don't try...believe me, they do. They listen and empathize and attempt to give advice, and I appreciate it.
But there's always the voice in the back of my mind saying "you don't really know what I'm going through."

They all met and wed their beloved when they were younger than I.

They were never graduated from college and single and working.

They don't know what it's like to see all of their friends marry and birth babes and wonder when their day will come.

And that's ok, because that's their story, not mine.

However it makes it difficult for having reciprocal friendships.

Because, let's be honest, I can't relate to their complaints of in-laws or video-playing fiances/husbands or sleepless baby-crying nights.

Now, this doesn't go for all of my in-relationship-friends. One of my closest friends is a couple years older than I and she's been single for the entirety of our friendship (5 years). She just began dating this guy (who's great and I totally approve!) a few weeks ago, so while she's dating someone, she can still relate to the struggles I face as a singleton.

I so appreciate having a friend who knows how I feel, even though she isn't in this same place at the moment.

It gives me hope.

She's a testament to the "I know it sucks, but enjoy the ride for now and be patient for the future" mentality
....because she's lived it. Hearing that advice from her means so much more to me than my friend who married straight out of college telling me the exact same thing.

So what's a girl to do?

Should I simply avoid anyone in a relationship until I'm in one myself and we can therefore relate to one another?

Mmmm no.

I think it's important to have friendships with people at all different stages of life.

Authentic, organic friendships should occur between people regardless of your "relationship status".

I like to have a mix.

My single friends help me to know that I'm not alone in feeling the way that I am. And if we're living in true friendships, we're able to help one another through rough patches. We are there for one another in solidarity. We are not alone.

My in-relationship-but-have-been-where-I-am friends are a source of hope and encouragement and affirmation in my feelings as a single woman. They can relate.

My married/engaged friends are such great models of holy romances. They help me to know what I'm truly looking for in a relationship, what matters and what doesn't. And you know what? While they might not be able to relate to my particular situation, they've had struggles of their own. Maybe I can learn from something they've had to deal with!

What about you? Do you struggle having non-single friends and relating to one another? Write a post and link it up below!

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Next week's topic:

Surviving events/parties as a singleton

The holidays are coming up! Family parties, friend gatherings... and you're single. How do you "cope"? Any tips or tricks?

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Just a reminder that we've decided to take a break from the Not Alone Series until January 14, 2014. Feel free to continue to blog about your single life experiences, but we just won't be having anything formal until January!

Not Alone Series: Favorite Single-People Sites and Posts!

Share other single-person blogs or websites that you love! 

(or include posts/articles that you've enjoyed that pertain to the single life!)

Well, I'll be honest, y'all....if I were to link to my favorite single-people blogs, I'd just be linking back to you! Most of my favorite single-bloggers participate in this series, so I'm focusing mainly on some of my most recent favorite directed-at-singles articles/posts!

First, if you haven't discovered Arleen Spenceley, YOU MUST. She is so funny and truthful. AND she's writing a book. I can't wait for it to come out! But she has a couple of recurring series on her blog, one of them being "3 Lessons and 2 Tips" where she asks married folks to talk about 3 lessons they've learned from marriage and 2 tips they'd give to single people. My favorite one of this series was from Audrey Assad. Specifically this line:

"If you're called to marriage, you'll be a better and more whole spouse if you till the ground of your heart during your single years."

Converge Magazine has also had a number of winners lately. Most recently, Single and not waiting ....and the other one that was floating around for awhile is 26, unmarried, and childless. The authors of each of these posts so eloquently describe how I feel about my life. So wonderful.

And I'm hoping and praying that you know about Verily Magazine. If you don't, refrain from telling me lest I hit you over the head with my electronic copy of an old issue (aka my Chromebook). The Verily blog covers every topic from style to culture, and MY favorite, relationships. Not everything is related to singledom, but there are many of wholesome posts lying around there. You might have to do some digging, but for starters, I loved Living with Baby Fever and Gentlemen Speak: I Want Commitment.

Link up your post on your favorite single bloggers and/or articles below!

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Next week's topic:

Vulnerability with friends

Do you find that your non-single friends struggle with relating to you or vice versa? If so, in what ways? How do you handle it? What is something that you would like them to know or understand that they just don't seem to get?

November 19: Surviving events/parties as a singleton

The holidays are coming up! Family parties, friend gatherings... and you're single. How do you "cope"? Any tips or tricks?

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BREAK!

Ladies, we have decided to take a break from the Not Alone Series until January 14, 2014. I know it seems like a long time, but we are coming up on a busy season of travel and family time. We don't want to take away your time from what's most important. Feel free to continue to blog about your single life experiences, but we just won't be having anything formal until January.

the quickity quicks

Linking up with Jen for the first time in forrrrevvverrrr.....

[1] Happy All Saints Day! Cassie Pease Designs asked on Facebook what our favorite saints were...without hesitation, my favorite saint is St. Gianna. I mean, I love allll of them, but if I had to choose, and we're assuming that Mama Mary is a given, then I'd say St. Gianna. She's seriously just one of the greatest role models of perfect love and sacrifice.

Ok, and I really love St. Joseph, but again, I feel like that's a given ;)

[2] I've been sick off-and-on this whole week and yesterday I completely forgot that it was Halloween....multiple times. Like, I would remember...and then forget.....and then remember again. This was the first year in my entire life that I haven't dressed up. Though I honestly didn't miss it.

[3] I just have to share some of my current favorite songs. I can't not.

That 70s Song - The Cab



[4] Come to Me - Goo Goo Dolls



[5] Have you stumbled upon Chris's blog yet? He's a former UIUC student and current FOCUS missionary. He always has thought provoking posts, but his most recent guest post on Same Sex Attraction is a winner for sure. Seriously. Go read it.

[6] Anyone keeping up with the Not Alone Series? Jen and I are completely overwhelmed with how many people we've reached. Who would have thought that a little wondering, wishing, hoping would have turned into all of this?What blessings. What grace. TYF.
And this week's posts blew me away! Check em out!

[7] Ok, I can't end this post without sharing this meme. It kills me.

Have a great weekend and head over to Jen's for more QTs!